For threatening to piss on my dps head and removing a sizeable chunk of hair ?

[nevereatbrownsnow]

Apparently I am as he has communicated by grunt all day

It all came to a head in bed last night. When the hint of snaking his arms around my waist, brushing my boobs and grabbing my thighs in what he obviously thinks is a suggestive manner failed the dry humping started and built to such a vigorous crescendo my ring piece puckered in fear!!

Yes dp I am fully aware It's been a while however you sealed your own fate when you commented on my wobbly bits during a particulary active game of hunt the sausage!!

However, none of the above is the main issue, the straw that broke this old rusty camels back was poking me awake at 3am after I'd finally shook you off ( and built a wall of pillows ) to ask me if I'd bought your nasty old cowbg of a fucking mother a birthday fucking card !!

The hated fucking Bitch who discarded our two kids one by one when she found out they were defective and now wants to concentrate only on her perfect daughters perfect child.

Oh yes,the woman who said our daughter 'didnt have the brains' to ask us 'why dosent nannie like me any more'

So tell me, aibu to respond by responding by ripping out a chunk of chest hair, and threatening to piss on his cunting head ?

( disclaimer, I also threatend to force feed him his testicles but didnt want to put it in the thread title )

Oh, I see, so it's ok to joke about violence in relationships on MN then? So a joke like "What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you've already told her twice" is fine here? Interesting.

i doubt that'd be fine, no.

snorbs, lighten up, for crying out loud. ("Yes and crying is what abused women have to do, innit" - there, I've saved you your next post.)
Love the ringtone idea. I tried to video dh snoring once but while crashing around in the dark woke him up. He was really quite irrationally humourless about it.

i think because the violent manouvres OP mentioned are outlandish and unlikely, the assumption is she's using it for dramatic comedy effect. it's not like she said 'aibu to slap his face and punch him in the gut'.

think you're barking up the wrong tree snorbs.

Well it's fairly hypocritical of me since I always get pissed off at the Special Needs top trumps jokes....

But having been in a very very violent and emotionally abusive relationship myself, I still find the OP hilarious.

Yes and crying is what abused women have to do, innit" - there, I've saved you your next post

hahaaha genius post, really made me laugh

I am not a violent bully!!! far from it, it's play fighting with a twist, usually with a clump of hair involved!!

Yes, I do yank his chest hair when he pisses me off, in return he tweaks my nipples and flickc my ears, it's just the way we are, we have lot of fun together and love each other very much.

I did not and never have pissed on his head, I only threatened to, tho I did once piss on his chest during a particularly excitable moment......

And snorbs, I suggest you unsuck those cheeks and remove that prickly chilli pepper from your withered ring hole !!

didn't take you long to whip up a storm, NEBS.

Fair enough. I'll leave you to your unpleasant and hypocritical little thread then.

I havent whipped up anything, I did respond to something taken completely out of context, some peope have never heard of the term 'tongue in cheek' some people are aware that something me be jokey but CHOOSE to take it the wrong way,iyswim ?

I think we should start an escape fund for NEBS Dh.

Funnily, my dp doesn't snore either - he doesn't blame it on anyone else, but relies on flat denial instead. But he does blame the cat when he burps. Not the current cat, but the dead one. Apparently, when alive, said cat could throw his voice, and can still do so.

And if anyone woke me at 3am for anything less than fire or haemorrhage, then I'd be a raging harpy bit irritated - but asking about MIL's birthday card?? He's lucky to have any hair left! Surely he could send his own mum a card anyway......

I once counted dh's chest hair, and he had 27, so I wouldn't be able to pull any out - the gap would be too obvious!!

Me and dp have been together for 15 yrs,(since I was 13 !! )

He is my best friend, we laugh constantly and for some reason ,love each other.

It's me that insists we keep some sort of contact, she chooses not to see us because of our defective children as she puts it.
So she gets a card and thats it.

I do try to be a good person (despite the plucking) and to be honest pity the old cowbag.

and SDTG, 27 pubes

WAS JOKING.

Chest hair, not pubes, nebs - one has one's standards, y'know!

Thank fuck you were joking blinks!

And SDTG, I think his chest is numb to my tugging however a quick pubic pluck always wakes him from his snorefull slumber!!

lol I like the hair plucking I will have to try that - I normally hold my husband nose that makes him splutter and stop snoring. My grandmother was horrified when I told her this because she thinks it practically killing him (mind she was also horrified that I dont have his dinner waiting on the table when he gets home from work maybe is a generation thing).

If I held his nose it would probably fall off, he's broken it countless times kickboxing

Fernie3 and SDTG, I propose a snore stopping top tips thread !!

I'm going to add my stop snoring tip. get a tablespoon of raspberry jam and let it slide off the spoon into the snorers throat. This is only effective if the recipient doesn't inhale it. It certainly worked in the short term (and seemed like a fine idea after a litre of wine), in the long run dh needed a surgery on his nose.

Cue mass manslaughter of mumsnet hubbys as they all choke to death on raspberry jam !!

Anythings worth a try Kreecher, keep em coming ladies !!

Why raspberry jam, particularly? Or would any sort of jam do? I suppose a chap might choke on chunky marmalade, and it might be as well to choose a jam that wouldn't stain when/if coughed all over the bedroom!

Wonder if chocolate spread would work ? we usually ave a jar lurking in bedroom for erm.....me to scoff rudies so easy to grab, failing that lemon curd, also nice to scoff non chunky !

whoops

Ah, so thats how you cross out!!