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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel like....whatever..... to the text I have just received

156 replies

Mumof · 30/01/2010 20:10

When I had a section with ds1 my sister in law wrote me a letter saying I had had a section because I had not tried hard enough She had not had babies yet. I was actually very upset as already felt crap about the birth.

She has just had another baby and this is the text I just received..

Baby x has arrived weighing blah blah.
Alllllll natural water birth. Mummy and baby 'perfect'.

Am I BU to think that is just, well, mean?

Can she be that insenstive or is it 'meant'? I really cant decide

OP posts:
mummygirl · 30/01/2010 21:25

She's a loon dude! I need more stories, they're hillariously shocking!

Original poster
Mumof · 30/01/2010 21:25

AW thanks guys, I do not talk about it in r l.

Thats the thing.

I dont want karma to get her I know that sounds silly.

I just want to get on, to be easy ozy to be able to let the kids play and heavens forbid let them have some sweeties and a wee run around till they get sweaty and maybe even have a fight.

I have a faith too but they consider it nil and void thats why she 'teaches me and mine'.

I dont want to see them but if I take that stance, that I am soooooo close to, it may divide my marriage, thats what I really am frightened of.

But years of this....sheesh its a thought!!!!

OP posts:
Booyhoo · 30/01/2010 21:26

why is it that some women feel the need to put others down instead of supporting each other. i hate that. i am not a christian but i know that it does far more good for someone to give them a shoulder and tissue when they're feeling down than to throw something in their face when i am feeling good. people need to get over their own egos and think of what help they can be giving rather than having some poor woman kicking herself over having her child via caesarean.

StealthPolarBear · 30/01/2010 21:26

so if this isn't a one off she has a sub standard personality. So pity her.
Or respond to her letter with "You are right, I have seen the light! I'll get em to stick him ack in and give it another go
You "

mummygirl · 30/01/2010 21:28

Ohhh, this is good. Address it to "dr.so-and-so"

Or will the irony be lost on her?

Original poster
Mumof · 30/01/2010 21:28

There are tooo many and I dont want to be terribly gossipy as I actually used to like her and if she just toned it down to normality I really would forget the lot

I just resent the fact if I said anything to her she would just ram it back to me bigger and better and piously makes me want to go arghhhhhhhhh!

what if she is a mumsnetter oops

I never thought of that!!!!

OP posts:
mummygirl · 30/01/2010 21:29

maybe she'll se the light if she reads this thread and will realise how mean and horrible she's been

mummygirl · 30/01/2010 21:29

meh, no she won't

thesecondcoming · 30/01/2010 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lefroglet · 30/01/2010 21:34

She sounds like a bit of a crazy...and I doubt she is a mumsnetter, wouldn't last a second spouting any of the crap that she said to you!
I had a EMCS for my DS1 and it was the best bit of the whole 20 hours of labour. Giving birth is a means to an end IMO, and it would be nice if we could all get the experience we want, but it is a tiny part of a child's whole life, and yours...don't listen to you SIL, she is a bit mad methinks

Bumperlicious · 30/01/2010 21:34

'Then another time she entered my mils house and my son didnt look up, he was busy playing and she said hi to all. When he didnt look up and reply she said to my son LOOK AT ME GIVE ME EYE CONTACT'

Well if she is a MNetter then Mumof's SIL you are a LOON!

Leave the poor fecking boy alone! What is she trying to imply? That he might have autism or something? That's the impression I get.

You sound really nice Mumof, you sound like you just want a nice happy family. Sorry your SIL has to ruin that for you.

Don't worry about being more gossipy, thing of it this way, your stories of your crazy SIL make us all feel better about our families. SO you are actually doing us a favour, so keep 'em coming...

rainbowinthesky · 30/01/2010 21:37

Only read op but what a bitch she is.

Original poster
Mumof · 30/01/2010 21:41

* why did you not highlight the mental bits and return the letter/s to her asking for explanations backed up by facts for all her insanity? sorry,i don't believe this for a minute. *

Sadly tis true I can assure you!

I had just had my ds and to be honest was bamboozled by the letter and am not the best letter writer or assertive at the best of times in nature so definately did not know what to say/write back!

My sil is actually kind of scarey the self assured take you on type - I am the oops I forgot to put on socks and forgot the changing bag type seriously.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumof · 30/01/2010 21:44

Thats the thing I dont like to think she is a bitch. I just dont know as she seems to have good intentions and she can be kind but its always got a sting in it.....always tainted with something.....

I just cant GET HER ELEVATED SENSE OF SELF and how she treats me and mine.

I am desp to ask others that we co know how they find her but of course we are sil's so they never say a peep if there is a problem in their opinions and I dont do talking about folk in real life anyway but I am curious!

OP posts:
thesecondcoming · 30/01/2010 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Mumof · 30/01/2010 21:48

um trying having a new baby and one who has feeding problems and believe me responding to a letter gets put on the back burner and after some time has passed you really dont know what to say! and for peace sake you and your husband decide to say nothing as it may be a one off....when infact it is not a one off...the time to speak may be coming thats the thing!

OP posts:
CarGirl · 30/01/2010 21:50

part of the problem at the time is that a little part of you believed her. At least you have come to your senses now!

mummygirl · 30/01/2010 21:50

I can secondcoming, because my SILs are like this and have done these things (see below) and I didn't say anything. I didn't show it to anybody but DH who agrees they're all bitches. But the family dynamics are such that I wouldn't talk to anyone else. And why should I?

OP's situation seems to me perfectly true, albeit a bit unfortunate and crazy

thesecondcoming · 30/01/2010 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 30/01/2010 21:51

think you are being bit touchy all new mums effuse

Original poster
Mumof · 30/01/2010 21:56

I wish it weren't true second coming
cargirl/mummy you got it in one! sheesh you guys get me and its only been ten mins ha ha

OP posts:
Booyhoo · 30/01/2010 22:04

Mumof i get you i am an assertive person and i will very rarely allow anyone to belittle or demean me without letting them know exactly what i think of them in return.

BUT, when ds1 was 7 weeks old i was out clothes shopping and OH's mum, aunt and sister spotted me and made a bee-line for me. we had all fallen out a few weeks previously. the 3 of them surrounded me and rained down on me with accusations and insults infront of a queue of shoppers. people were standing with their mouths open and i just stood there and took it. only after i left did i burst into tears. and i wish to this day i had had the gumption to respond and say exactly what i thought of them, but i know i was still very hormonal and probably overtired aswell and it was just all too much. so i know how it was easier to let it go and not say anything to your SIL.

MaggieTaSeFuar · 30/01/2010 22:39

booyhoo, no, i'm still cold! freezing actually!!

differentnameforthis · 31/01/2010 00:06

I remember after dd1 was born, she was 4 weeks early & only 4lb. I had PE & IUGR. I was already believing that I have failed my baby.

My dhs aunt said 'maybe if you ate better, you wouldn't have put your baby in so much danger'

Dh & I were to say anything & when she left dh said to me 'did she really say that?

But I was very upset. For weeks. I asked everyone I knew if it was my fault.

We never brought it up as it would just lead to more stupid ill informed comments.

So secondcoming, I can see how op would not have said anything. Sometimes it is less painful to leave it than to keep raking it all up. And as with the aunt, she has an answer for everything & a question for everything too, so chances are any questioning of her would have left me feeling worse!

OP, your SIL is ignorant. It isn't how the children come into the world that matters.

radstar · 31/01/2010 08:14

haven't read all the posts but I can't believe you still even have contact with someone who would do something as horrible as what she did?!?!?!

It would be bad enough if she had said it in conversation, but to write a letter AND in with the congrats card AND not having had kids herself wtf ?!?!?

Don't take her text to heart I suspect it was sent to everyone and it sounds kind of generic stuff anyone would send.

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