to feel like....whatever..... to the text I have just received

[Mumof]

When I had a section with ds1 my sister in law wrote me a letter saying I had had a section because I had not tried hard enough She had not had babies yet. I was actually very upset as already felt crap about the birth.

She has just had another baby and this is the text I just received..

Baby x has arrived weighing blah blah.
Alllllll natural water birth. Mummy and baby 'perfect'.

Am I BU to think that is just, well, mean?

Can she be that insenstive or is it 'meant'? I really cant decide

maggie that's me all over.

i think about it when i'm boiling the kettle sometimes but it's really too much effort so i just wet myself when i sneeze now.

Tell her she was so lucky to have such an easy birth, it sounds fabulous, though you can imagine it stung a bit. Not like poor old you, who desperately needed life saving surgery 12 hours in...the obs had never seen anything like it...

Play her at her own game and win.

Is she a medical doctor?
I can't imagine that before I had DCs myself I knew enough about it to have an opinion one way or the other. Now I've been through it I know that at times during both labours I was begging for a CS.

lol at her putting 'from dr *mandy' on a card to her own niece!!

In truth this is only the tip of the iceberg I have told you guys as I am really unable to work out how I am to behave towards her and her family.

There are hundreds of examples of how she gets our inadaquecies as a family over to us....BORING!!! we are a happy wee normal family that ticks along by the skin of their teeth

They are extremely religious you see and very smug/better than thou in every way and I am willing my husband to say enough is enough no more to all the wee jibes .... but so far he hasnt...it is his family....and its all cleverly submissive but very real and pointed

I cant even tell you SOME of the stuff, I try to put it out of my mind its soooo nigglingly annoying and subliminally upsetting I guess.....

I have just decided some people are strange.

I spend my life sharing my weaknesses to make others feel better not the other way round.

I would cry if I though I was making others feel judged or inadaquete. That would make me so sad! Cos having a family and being a mum is hard enough imo and we need to co support not bring each other down.

I want to sayyyyyyyyyyyy sooo much to her but she is so religious and self important she would only speil some waffle at me and believe it and pity me.

This is a no win situation.

Made worse by the big family gathering at the month end that my mil insists on producing.

I had d and v last time and missed it.

I would rather have d and v again than go this time.

Thats bad isnt it.

But I am sooooooooo over it!! I want to have a voice, say its ok to be NORMAL

i know it's different as you can't cut them off stone dead. but after i left my x, for at least a year, all his little gibes and digs still annoyed me and hurt me. but one day i decided, or figured it out, or stopped caring what his perception of me was. now when he makes a dig, i see that he's still trying to rein ME in, put me down. I can't even be bothered to defend myself because i truly do not care anymore. dyswim??

Be MORE like yourself around her. NOt less like yourself. There are going to be people in life who disapprove of you. I wish I could print off a recipe off the internet for getting to that point where you genuinely don't give a f* what people think of you.

Oh go on,give us some more gems- I am cackling away at this now- the woman sounds like an utter loon!

On a more serious note, I feel sorry for her kids- can you imagine the earache they are going to get whenever they make a mistake?

Doctor...pmsl

she is clearly nuts

who on earth thinks major abdominal surgery is the easy option apart from someone who is nuts and lacking in christian virtue

Perhaps you should write to her quoting out of corinthians about what love is and out of er hmmm is it ephesians about gifts of the HS????????

doctor mummy! dummy for short.

ha ha maggie Ill try that.

If you find that recipe do sell it you would make a mint

ha!! dummy!!

Mumof.. YA SOOOOOO NBU (not even sure if you asked about that!)

she sounds like a delightful woman

I have two kids - both born by elective CS because I wanted them that way. I can take whatever critism people like to throw at me... I got the birth I wanted. Both of my children's birthdays are extremely wonderful memories.

But, to critise someone who didn't have the birth they wanted to achieve is low. IMHO.

Hugs to you.

perhaps you can practice "at least I have manners and humility"

Mumof - I had an EMCS with DS1, and a VBAC with DS2.

I did, in fact, receive an award after the latter :

The Royal Order of The Haemorhoid (Honours). I got to sit on my own special rubber throne and everything !

She sounds like a loon, just remember, this is about her not you. She obviously has ishoos, to even comment on your birth, let alone take the trouble of writing a letter. I'd be horrified.

'Natural' labour ain't all it's cracked up to be. But that isn't even the issue, I'm sure you'd like to have had the experience of natural labour. I'd like to say in 10 years time it won't make a jot of difference how you gave birth, but I suspect this won't be the last of her jibes.

If you can't confront her would you take the tip of a previous poster and write to her, tell her how much she has upset you, not straight after her baby, but later on. Hopefully it will jolt her into seeing sense.

Mumof,
I have, not one, but 3! -yes, 3- SILs just like that, so I know exactly what you mean.

One of them is totally obsessed with breastfeeding. I now breastfeed DC2 (3yo) and DC3 (21months old) but it just happened, but I never BFed DC1.

I felt shit about it and needed support in my decision. Only a week after I had DC1 she emailed to find out if I was breastfeeding and upon my reply she wrote to let me know that WHO, UNICEF, NHS and whathaveyou cannot all be wrong about the benefits ot BFing and I'm letting my daughter down, who would have to endure a childhood spent in hospitals !!!!! A "congratulations" would have been plenty enough!

Maybe your SIL's text was generic, but then it shows her obsession with "natural" childbirth.

I had a natural childbirth. When I found next I was pg I went to my gp and demanded a promise for CS or an abortion! I loved both my ELCSs and if I didn't know any better I'd start a campaign promoting them.

Oh, and one of the other SILs does the DR thing. And it's not even her, it's her husband, she barely made it out of high-school. Which would be fine with me was she not so smug about being married to someone with a PhD. She forgets I have one too and I know they don't reflect any apsect of RL

OP, so sorry I have turned this into my own rant, but I know how you feel, please please ignore this woman, or stop biting your lip and smug-her-back

maggie i've just 'got' your name...i think. probably got this wrong but school was a long time ago. have you warmed up yet?

Hah, utter nonsense. Elective Csection is the way to go.

You guys talk sense.

A few more, recent ones,

Husband took the kids to play once to theirs, which takes alot as we know its going to bring SOME sort of hassle.. When it was time to go and they were leaving she said to dh..

oh youre children behaved today

They are good wee kids they were only 2 and 5 at the time and VERY normal.

Then another time she entered my mils house and my son didnt look up, he was busy playing and she said hi to all. When he didnt look up and reply she said to my son LOOK AT ME GIVE ME EYE CONTACT'

I was not there at the time. husband was furious.
He was busy playing hadnt even noticed her and I think in truth she intimidates him. and it wasnt her place to tell him to give her eye contact. It is as if she needs to teach everyone adult and child of her wisdom.

Its not wanted or appropriate.

And it hurts.

Many more.....

he he he

you guys are seriously making me laugh and cheering me right on up

You guys are a hoot a minute! lol

Karma Karma Karma Chameleon .....

Will come and get her, will come and get her .....

She sounds like a horrible, stuck up, nasty, smug woman sorry, doctor

Truly, Mumof, do not feel upset at her nasty comments, she is not worth a second of your attention.

Unless it is to tell us more of her nuttiness.

LOL at the trampoline stories.

Oops ! Forgot a Karma

I now have so many issues with your SIL.

DH has a phd, and it is so not a big deal. Yes hard work to get, but many people work hard in their jobs 30+ years for no recognition. All the difference there is a bit of paper.

I have faith, but religious ethics, IMO, should be that we were all crated equal, different, but equal. Holier-than-thou, preachy comments are a way of bolstering herself at the expense of others. That is not very religious. In fact it is against most faiths, from what I understand of other creeds, as faith practices usually advocate sympathy, compassion and sharing, not judging etc.

Please feel free to vent. If that is what is going to get you though as DP doesn?t want to not see his brother.

Yikes OP!