to feel like....whatever..... to the text I have just received

[Mumof]

When I had a section with ds1 my sister in law wrote me a letter saying I had had a section because I had not tried hard enough She had not had babies yet. I was actually very upset as already felt crap about the birth.

She has just had another baby and this is the text I just received..

Baby x has arrived weighing blah blah.
Alllllll natural water birth. Mummy and baby 'perfect'.

Am I BU to think that is just, well, mean?

Can she be that insenstive or is it 'meant'? I really cant decide

that is very smug. just laugh at her. she'll have plenty of sleepless nights ahead of her and yours are behind her. when she's tired, ask her if she's doing her pelvic floor exercises. my pelvic floor is f***ckd! there's nothing beautiful about it i tell you. if i laugh or sneeze when i've had a few glasses of vino, it's ugly.

She is like this in all areas of life towards me and mine so now I just avoid her

Wish I had blocked her number now.

Really it is that bad

She has a knack of winding me up the wrong way very carefully done.

My husband now puts her correspondance in the bin without me looking at it as she sends some random stuff and bless him it gets on his wick cos its total unrealistic tosh thats not helpful whatsoever!

i cant go on tramploines anymore.

People who boast about how natural their birth was are just sad. It is the baby that should take centre stage, not their achievements in the field of birthing!

tramploines???

trampolines

What a poisonous witch she sounds

you guys are funny, youre making me laugh

What makes it sad is I am a big softy and would looooove a good relationship with her and my bil but they are just toooo difficult to bring down to earth to relate to so we dont stress ourselves out trying to 'bond' with them.

They have some very unusual ideas that totally shackle non participants of their views sigh!

sad though as family shouldnt be like that

I would have looooooved a natural birth, to have the experience, but hey I tried, I couldnt, will I always be judged on it

ps, pelvic floor jokes helping me feel better!!

i like tramploines !

op, your dh sounds great.

mumof, the first run i went on after my dc2 was born, somebody crashed into me and I wet myself!!!

ok, it does get slightly better, but omg..... beautiful wasn't the adjective that i would have used!!

havent been on one in 4 years!! that's what natural birth did for me.

She is bonkers!

I can be quite competitive about some things, but it would NEVER occur to me to be competitive about how I gave birth. What a loony tunes!

TBH whenever I hear about someone having a emergency cs, I just feel terribly sorry that they have had to go through such a major procedure. I wouldn't think for one second that it was a reflection of how hard they tried!

her letters to you are bizarre and totally out of order. Very mean, unkind and extremely ignorant.

However the birth text was just her being pleased about the baby and no trauma.

Maybe: congratulate her, send card, small pressie.

Then in 3m time, when she is over the newborn phase, since she is one for sending letters, tell her how extremely upsetting, unhelpful and ignorant her letter to you was. that you are pleased for her that she has been able to have the birth of her choice, you do not feel so lucky, and that only the midwives and obstetricians present know why you needed a CS - not her. So keep her uninformed thoughts to herself. Furthermore, the method of birth is just that, you have gorgeous healthy babes, just as she has. The method of birth is immaterial. So, could she please treat you with respect in future.

skipping is out of the question as well.

dc1 who is 7 said, here mummy you take the rope, your turn. i said, hmmm, is that the phone ringing?! back in a sec.

Maybe offer to take her trampolining, go for a run on the way there, and crack loads of funny jokes afterwards. Then when she inevitably wets herself, you can make some smug comment to HER!

dc2 is 4. i really must sort out my floppy fanny. occasionally when i'm watching tv i think, oh i'll do a pelvic exercise.

YA so NBU. This is not just insensitive this was a very premeditated cruel way of relaying this vital information.

My DC1 was EMCS, and if anyone had actually had the gall to tell me ?I had not tried hard enough? I would probably have died just a little more inside. Did you or DP tell her then that the letter was insensitive?

Will you tell her how this text made you feel? I do not understand how anyone can be so horrid. Will it change her? I hope you don?t see her often, for your sake.

she sounds awful! I never got the thing about having "natural" births - I have had three and it wasnt a lifechanging event it was just painful,messy and a little embarassing!. and booyhoo is right after 3 births I try not to do anything to energetic! god knows what will happen after this next one

actually I think he prob is great

IN sheltering me

shame though as its his bro's family.

Which reminds me they were fishing once and his bro said to him 'Iiiiiiiii have a wife to be revered' .

My husband was like excuse me? what does that mean? Surely you dont want to discuss our wives that would be VERY unwise....

When dc3 had her first birthday we got a card from them saying to dc

well done on surviving your fist year and the wee non age appropriate present was wrapped and blodly marked from DR BLAH BLAH as she is a doctor of arts.

WHY?

surely aunty blah blah not DR BLAH BLAH.

we are both sahm's at the moment not even working!

"TBH whenever I hear about someone having a emergency cs, I just feel terribly sorry that they have had to go through such a major procedure. I wouldn't think for one second that it was a reflection of how hard they tried!"

Absolutely agree with this. It's so unfair to go through hours of pain and pushing and still end up with a scar and being'post operative'.

I have a friend who had 3 electives and we laugh at her having 3 kids and never having had a labour pain (laugh out of jealousy, she laughs too!). But to have to start off pushing and panting and then be sliced open, that really is shit... and she's a beatch (your sil) to rub salt in you.

Maggie - you and me both!

lol at the dr thats wierd! sounds like she actually has pretty low self esteem.

we are really non confrontationalists by nature so left it, I was traumatised after the birth of dc1 and wouldnt have known what to write anyway and regarless she would only write another letter.

I simply cant be bothered.

This is just one more jabb at us.

They come quite often

WE would love to have the balls tho cut them out completely but that would have to come from dh.

If we did I would be happier.

I dont think low self esteem my sis in law is a force to be reckoned with.

So 'I am right / I pity you' I can hardly believe it.

I mean
SERIOUSLY.

You would have to see her in action to understand.

Basically I am sick of it now want to say SOMETHING after years of wee nasty jibes...but whats the point wouldnt achive anything...

just needed to vent I think

Did you keep the letter Mumof?

Send it back to her with "Could You Be More Ignorant?" scrawled all over it in red pen.

I already hate her, why do you want a relationship with her?

Vile ignorant stupid smug twat.

ps on a slightly more serious note OP,
my son was born at 36 wks, he was tiny. i wished I could have gone to full term with him, plus a week!
nobdoy ever says to me 'couldn't you have kept him inside you a bit longer?'. That would have upset me so much.