AIBU to think you get less attention at school as a 'well behaved' child?

[mylifemykids]

I'm so fed up of DS coming home and telling me his teacher hasn't had time to change his reading book/listen to him read/tell the class their daily story just because she's been busy with x,y or z who have been naughty AGAIN.

He's such a well behaved little boy and the majority of his class are also well behaved. There are about 6 children in his class who have been labelled as 'challenging' (not SN before anyone asks) and therefore seem to take up A LOT of the teacher/TA's time.

Today DS came home very upset because one of these children got the first 'Headmistress Star of the Week award' in their class (it was their first time at assembly with the whole school). When I asked him why he was so upset about it he said 'well S is always naughty but he got an award for being good just for one week when I'm good EVERY week and I didn't get one'

I know I probably ABU because obviously these children need to be dealt with but it just seems the majority of the class seem to suffer because of it.

AIBU to think this is normal practise in all schools?!

Is your son at a state school?

YABU

YANBU, it is unfortunate, but true.

However, by working hard to improve poor behaviour, the school are actually working hard for everyone's benefit.

Yes it's a state school

I think it is possible.

One of the reasons we went private at the particular school we did was that they had class sizes of no more than 15, with a teacher and a TA in each class.

DS is a good/quiet kid, he doesn't argue, he isn't inclined to naughtiness but he doesn't pay attention. We were thinking that in a class of 30 he was just going to get missed.

It seems to have worked out. His teachers have noticed that he is spaced out a bit and make (and are able to make) a particular effort because the class sizes are so small.

This isn't an option for everyone though and I have no idea how it could be dealt with in a larger class.

Unfortunately it's always been the case in some schools. My parents moved me for the last year of primary as I was being constantly ignored and allowed to procrastinate and fall behind because I wasn't 'naughty'.

I had this problem with my dd in a private international school. She was under the radar whilst the teacher dealt with the naughty ones.

We have since moved country and she goes to a local state school and she is absolutely blooming. She was in the top 3 of her class in her last assessments, in the other school the teacher couldn't tell us much except that she was goo and wished the whole class was like her.

The middle ability, well behaved children are always sidelined to some extent, but then you have to balance that up with the knowledge that the other children face challenges that they will not have to, so if the worst that happens to your DS is that he feels slighted by the rewards system, then I would be grateful for that and explain to him that some children find it harder to behave well and so have worked harder iyswim.

As I said, YANBU, but it is inevitable in a large class with differing needs.

I think this happens in some classes and not with others. Nothing to do with the teacher but some classes just have more difficult children than others. My little girl seems to be in a pretty good class there is only one boy who seems to get in trouble everyday and I think he has some sort of special needs because he seems to have his own teaching assistant. It doesnt disrupt her class too much but I can see that if it were a number of children it would be more of an issue.

YABU to think that 'good' children never get recognition or praise, but you are right that 'naughty' children get rewarded at times. (sometimes you will try anything to get them to do the right thing again!)

Personally, I try to 'catch' all the children doing the right thing, and have individual and class reward systems in place in class to do this.

It is hard though, and you're right, large class size means that some children stand out more than others, and it's usually those who are challenging in everyday situations.

Xposted with Verity,

That is not on verity, the teachers and Ta's do need to make sure that they have some record keeping for recording significant rewards to ensure everyone feels acknowledged. yes there are additional systems put in to place for the more challenging children, but all children should be acknowledged for their achievements.

tis quite normal. has ever been thus.

the teacher sounds as though she's doing her best to try and modify the behaviour of the disruptive elements so that she can get on an even keel with the class, but tbh there's only so much you can do with 30 kids. if 6 are disrupting everyone else then by default that's what you have to deal with. it's quite likely that 4 of the 6 parents think it's another child's fault, and 2 are mortified and trying to get some help as they suspect some form of sn, and are being given the eye in the playground.

it doesn't stop in secondary. 25 years ago i sat in a classroom whilst 3 or 4 kids brought the teacher to tears and fleeing with monotonous regularity, and last year i very briefly took a part time job which allowed me to witness similar.

despite this, my kids learn. and some of the schools they have been in have been exceptional, despite desk throwing and the like. i have no idea how, but they do. i'm still toying with private, particularly for secondary.

It drove us and DD completely mad, we felt like her chances were being hijacked by the minority. Her class were unable to do things that they had done in previous years e.g. trips out, sports competitions.

It drove her mad that some children were praised for sitting nicely on the carpet ( in Year 6 ffs ) whilst she always sat nicely and listened. Some children got praise and rewards for stuff she and others did as a matter of course. Some children were given rewards for bringing in their homework diary, she would have been given detention for not bringing hers in. How is that right, and what does this teach them?

Class punishments really wore her down, the well behaved children were also used to police others, by how they were arranged in the class.

Veritythebrave - we have had similar experiences I think, we said she was invisible too.

chicaboom I can honestly say I don't think DS has never been rewarded for his good behaviour. He attends extra lessons a few times a week and, because parents complained at a TA being out of the classroom to accompany him (I agreed BTW!), he now goes on his own. He is FOUR years old and is brave enough to sit in a classroom full of children he doesn't know, some of which are three years older and a lot bigger than him. When I asked how he was getting on I was told they didn't know but would ask the teacher of the class he goes up to. That was 2 weeks ago and they still haven't spoken to the other teacher so I guess I'll have to do that myself. But it also shows that he's obviously not getting any praise for the work from them because they have no idea what he's been doing!

He came home without his glasses today, why? because someone has taken them out of his drawer. When he told the teacher he was told he'd have to try and find them himself because she was 'busy' (guess who with). This has resulted in him having no glasses over the weekend because he couldn't find them and didn't want to ask the teacher again

Hi. This must seem unfair in the eyes of your ds. But, I would say, this is standard practise across the country-at least in State schools. As well as academic achievment, there is emphasis now, on improving and rewarding acceptable behaviour.
Could you explain to your ds that for some dc it is very hard to be good for a whole week-and maybe thats why this dc was rewarded. Or say, that some dc are not as lucky as him, and dont have parents that tell them how it is important to try and be good.
While I agree with this "philosophy", I still think dc like your son need to feel thought about too. My dd-nearly 16, moaned recently, that her Head of year knew the difficult dc, but didnt know her or her friends,even though they work hard and get good grades.

Sounds to me like the teacher is not very supportive. And if he is four she should be taking a bit more responsibilty to help him. If it was me, I would have said to have another look, but that I'd help him in a few minutes.
I can't speak for every teacher, only myself, but encouraging children to independent has to be balanced with supporting them to learn how.
for him, didn't realise he was only Reception!
And if he is attending extra lessons, there should be feedback available to you.
Is there a home/school book that gets written in?

You know, friends of mine have had children with behavioural problems and I don't envy them. I don't think my dcs envy the children either. I'd rather have happy children who got slightly less attention. And I think my dcs would rather be those children who didn't get into trouble.

It is the class sizes though cory it shouldn't be an either/or situation. They should both be getting the attention they need and deserve.

These children don't have behaviour problems cory, they're just badly behaved! There's a difference believe me.

Of course I'd rather DS was like he is that badly behaved but it annoys me that he gets pushed aside for these children just because he's a 'good' boy.

No they don't have books that get written in chicaboom. Well not that get sent home anyway. They have learning diaries but, last time I checked his it hadn't been updated for a long time. I did query it but was told they just hadn't had time to do it

I think you get less attention generally in life if you're well behaved...

I would say this is true. I teach in secondary. It is very easy to get to learn the naughty students first and spend time trying to 'sit on' them... then the really bright ones who stand out get known because they get praised/ win prizes etc. But the majority who just get on with it, work hard, try their best etc get ignored in comparison. It is not fair. But with large groups, it easily happens.

particularly from the cops?