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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be considering 2 days a week at nursery

127 replies

deliakate · 29/01/2010 18:16

for DS even though I am a sahm?

I don't think there will be a place available for him until he's 12 month, and by then, I hope to be just or very nearly pregnant with no. 2, so I figure I will need the rest. Is this a bit much to ask though?

OP posts:
Littlepurpleprincess · 29/01/2010 18:23

why? If you can afford it, why the hell not? It's quality of time spent together, not quantity. If it's a good nursery and he is happy there it may well do you both some good.

All families are different. If it's right for you, then do it.

BelleDameSansMerci · 29/01/2010 18:24

YANBU... He will get the benefits of both nursery and SAHM. Lucky little chap!

mazzystartled · 29/01/2010 18:25

If you can afford it and can find a nice place that you will both be happy with, not a problem IMO.

Both mine went to nursery 2 days per week from 7 and 12 months respectively. I did have freelance work throughout but sometimes not much (and sometimes not at all). I have no extended family and no other backup, and a husband who works v long hours, it was the only way of getting a bit of a break.

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 29/01/2010 18:31

YANBU ish but do you think half days may be better? My DS went from 2 1/2 and my DS2 will go from 2 1/2 too (would be sooner but that's the earliest they take them and I don't want to drive everywhere) and DS1 really needed and benefitted from it. DS2 is 17 months and if I could afford it I would send him for the odd afternoon as I think he would love it. You know your child, if you think they would enjoy it then I see no reason why not.

WashwithCareAgain · 29/01/2010 19:01

All the research evidence suggests that children under 3 do not benefit from group childcare. There is some (if a little shaky) evidence that it have a detrimental effect on children under 3, and some studies suggest that children who have been in this sort of group day care are more likely to develop behavioural problems. However, most f the evidence is linked to children who are in care for longer than 40 hours a week.

This might just be a personal prejudice, but I think some LOs can get lots of bugs once they start nursery... so 2 days child-free might seem very pricey if DC is ill afterwards!

Have you really thought about the age gap - a 21 month age gap is pretty challenging! Even if you use childcare 2 days per week, that will still leave you having to cope 5 days a week without nursery...

What about delaying no 2 for a little while instead? DD went to a parent-led playgroup at 2 1/2, and I think that was about the right age where she was activley looking to socialise with other toddlers,and then I think the 3 hour session was about the right time away from mum, in terms of her development. It would also be a cheaper option - aobut £7 a session, instead of £40 a day in a nursery.

starberries · 29/01/2010 19:06

WWC, please link the evidence that this care has no effect or is detrimental.

lovechoc · 29/01/2010 19:09

lucky you OP! go for it if you have the money.

nickytwotimes · 29/01/2010 19:13

Sounds like a good idea to me.

Still gets loads of time with you, but you get a break and he gets to play with other kids.

If you can afford it, go for it. I have a pal at church who did this as her dh worked away a lot and it was a life-saver as she also had a amall age gap. It worked very well for them, fwiw.

theowlwhowasafraidofthedark · 29/01/2010 19:13

I'm watching this thread with interest - I'm thinking of a similar plan, although 2 half days rather than full ones.

BelleDameSansMerci · 29/01/2010 19:14

Oh WWC, please do the Boden thread for me. Pleeeease. Go on... I suggest the following:

"AIBU to think that anyone who wears Boden has no individuality and just wants to look like a middle class mummy?"

Or start a thread about how damaging nursery care is for the under twos as this weekend's contentious starter for ten.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 29/01/2010 19:14

Oh but if you can afford a nanny that's fine isn't it WWC! please get over yourself and appreciate that some of us can't afford some of the lifestyle choices you suggest are so amazing. Perhaps the OP has several reasons including health issues for choosing a short age gap (which trust me 21 months aint) or it might just be her personal preference. OP go for it it will do both of you good and as someone who is at the moment a SAHM and my DD goes to a day nursery I know it has saved my sanity and NO IT HASN'T DONE HER ANY HARM WWC

GhoulsAreLoud · 29/01/2010 19:16

Don't believe she asked for advice on the age gap

GhoulsAreLoud · 29/01/2010 19:17

How old is your DS OP? YANBU but there are other childcare options to consider too, c/m for example.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 29/01/2010 19:18

Sorry Ghouls felt I had to respond to WWC's pearls of wisdom .I promise not to mention it again

GhoulsAreLoud · 29/01/2010 19:19

Meant to say, alot of nurseries round here now do school day sessions which are roughly 9-3 which might be a good option for a shorter day.

GhoulsAreLoud · 29/01/2010 19:19

Sorry hobnobs, that first comment was to WWC not you! I agree with you!

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 29/01/2010 19:22

Apology accepted Ghouls think I might bow out as I could do without yet another evening wasted getting irritated by WWC and her ludicrous witterings

spongebrainbigpants · 29/01/2010 19:22

delia, I have a 16mth age gap (silly me, eh?! ) and my DS goes to nursery 2 days a week - it's a lifesaver for me, he loves it, and I get to spend some quality time with DS2 (he actually gets some time on his playmat without being trampled on by a toddler ).

If money is not an issue then do it - and good luck with ttc too .

Pancakeflipper · 29/01/2010 19:27

I think if it's a happy nursery why not give it a try?

I took my ES to one even though there was no 'need'. He made an amazing best mate whom he has known since he was 1 yrs old and still sees ( they aren't at the same school). They had a brilliant time and although he's a shy kid he's very confident in his own abilities and a good type of friend. It really helped his social skills.

Yes they get bugs but it helps build up their immune system otherwise when they start school they'll be the sicky kid off all the time.

ImSoNotTelling · 29/01/2010 19:27

YANBU. If it helps I can tell you what we did that has worked very well. Which was 2 mornings a week from when she was a bit over 2, I had had DD2 3 months before she started. She loved it from the off and is now 3 mornings a week.

She goes to a preschool rather than a day nursery though - you need to have a good look around and find somewhere you really like, get recommendations from friends if you can etc etc.

Having a bit of time with the baby, with the toddler happily off doing some glueing and sticking, is a good thing IMO all round.

Squitten · 29/01/2010 19:29

Our DS is 16mths and we're just starting to TTC baby 2. As soon as I'm pregnant, we want to get DS a place in nursery. I was shattered last time I was pregnant so will probably appreciate the rest and DS is very independant and LOVES being off playing with other kids.

I plan to look for 2 half-day sessions, so that it's really just an extended stay & play, just without me there. I think the problem will be getting the little begger to come home again!

Cadelaide · 29/01/2010 19:31

I think 12m is very young to go to nursery 2 days a week. Maybe a couple of hours, but a day is a loooong time for a 12m-old isn't it?

TheFowlAndThePussycat · 29/01/2010 19:33

YANBU I took dd1 out of nursery when I went on maternity leave after dd2. Bad move! She now goes 1 day a week, loves it & i get time to relax a bit & focus on dd2. I have an 18 month age gap & it is v hard work, but will be great when they are both older, they already love each other at 2.3 years & 9 months!

notevenamousie · 29/01/2010 19:41

You live in such a different world to me that I have no idea if YABU or not but maybe you could do some voluntary work or something while your dc is at nursery?

Pozzled · 29/01/2010 19:43

YANBU. My DD goes to nursery 3 days while I work. If I could afford it though I would love to stay at home full time, but still send DD to nursery for a day or two. She loves it, I feel she gets a lot out of it & I don't have the slightest concern about it damaging her. And I honestly feel I would be a better mum if I could have a bit of regular baby free time each week, even if it was only to sort the house out or whatever.