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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be considering 2 days a week at nursery

127 replies

deliakate · 29/01/2010 18:16

for DS even though I am a sahm?

I don't think there will be a place available for him until he's 12 month, and by then, I hope to be just or very nearly pregnant with no. 2, so I figure I will need the rest. Is this a bit much to ask though?

OP posts:
eastendmummy · 29/01/2010 19:45

YANBU. My DS started with a CM at 18 months when I was in the early weeks of pregnancy and it has been a lifesaver for me plus he loves it. He does 2 full days so that I can manage to have a break, go to antenatal appointments without him, plus do things in the house and go shopping. He then gets 3 quality days with me. My DH also works hideous hours and doesn't see DS at all during the week so this has been a brilliant all around as he likes the fact that we don't spend time at the weekend doing cleaning/shopping. If you can afford it, then go for it as I'm sure your DS will enjoy it.

nickytwotimes · 29/01/2010 19:45

notevenamousie - wtf?

Why can't someone have a break if they are able?

scottishmummy · 29/01/2010 19:51

if you can afford it,and want it yes.nursery is great for children

ImSoNotTelling · 29/01/2010 19:52

I think having a chance to put your feet up for a couple of mornings, especially if pregnant/got a baby is a great thing. I don't think it is necessary to work all the time TBH, if oyu can afford a break then why not.

peanutpie · 29/01/2010 19:56

I'm a SAHM and I used nursery care which built up to one day a week by the time my son was 2. I started at 6 months for a half day.

I felt quite guilty about it but found to be lifesaver. It helped me a lot as we also don't have a family here close, and early on, I felt I had no one to have him for hour or so if I needed it.

I know quite a few people who did this sort of thing.

Meglet · 29/01/2010 19:58

yanbu. It sounds like a very sensible idea

Francagoestohollywood · 29/01/2010 20:02

YANBU.

Rolf · 29/01/2010 20:03

My DD went to a childminder 1 day a week from when she was 14 months old. 2 days a week the following year, then a year of pre-school nursery. It worked very well for us. I have no family help nearby and my DH works v long hours.

If it works for you, you can afford it and you find somewhere that suits you and your child, then go for it. IME a lot of people who raise an eyebrow in this situation have very different circumstances, eg family help.

chandellina · 29/01/2010 20:03

YANBU to want some time to yourself, or to get ready for another baby. i'd just say consider your options. i have to agree with WWC on the basic idea that the younger the child the less likely they are to thrive in a nursery environment. that debate has been done to death so no need to trot it all out, but you also have at least two other options to consider - a childminder or nanny. Or even a babysitter - I had one for just four hours one day a week from about 9 months and even that bit of free time was invaluable.

Original poster
deliakate · 29/01/2010 20:04

DS is 6 months at the moment. I would actually prefer for him to go for just the mornings twice a week. So far, the only nursery I've found which is within walking distance and has a good reputation has a minimum requirement that the child is there 2 full days per week however.
I do like the look of pre-schools/ nursery schools which have shorter sessions, but they seem to be mainly from 2 years old upwards.
Maybe that would work if I could wangle the age gap to be a bit longer.... but for a 2 year old to be starting something so big as pre-school at the same time as having a newborn to care for might be hard on both of them!

OP posts:
megonthemoon · 29/01/2010 20:09

YANBU deliakate, but:

BelleDame I have a bit of an issue with your comment
"YANBU... He will get the benefits of both nursery and SAHM. Lucky little chap! "

because I don't see how what deliakate is proposing is any different to a part time WOHM whose child is in nursery a few days per week. Would you say the same thing to a woman in that situation (i.e me?) or because I work when my DS is in nursery am I a worse mother than deliakate? Because he isn't benefiting from a SAHM when he is nursery is he? So it's no different to a mum who is a part time WOHM then is it? So I trust you congratulate women (like me) who are PT WOHM for having "lucky little chaps" as well...

(sorry to hijack deliakate - go for it if you think it's right for you and DS!)

Original poster
deliakate · 29/01/2010 20:09

Can you get part time nannies, chandellina?

OP posts:
jelliebelly · 29/01/2010 20:10

YANBU - my ds went to nursery full time when I was working and dd (12 months old) goes one day per week now - if she could talk I'm sure she would tell me that she enjoys it - she sleeps and eats well when she is there - she is happy to be left and happy when I go to collect her. Ds absolutely thrived and is now a happy go lucky,intelligent and loving 4 year old for whom the transition to school was seamless.

If you can afford it, go for it and ignore all the negative comments about nursery. If she doesn't enjoy it and you are unhappy with the nursery then you don't have to continue.

scottishmummy · 29/01/2010 20:10

children are robust.2yo is very sociable.your wee man will love nursery

make your decision and stick to it.ignore the nay sayers and doom mongers

its nursery not dark dank cellars

CirrhosisByTheSea · 29/01/2010 20:11

I think it's very understandable to need a break, specially if you are having a second child by that point

Unless I had to, personally I would not put a child that young in nursery all day. I would prefer to do mornings only - I think it's enough, when they're so little. If you have the luxury of choice, that is.

loobylu3 · 29/01/2010 20:24

Personally I wouldn't use a nursery for 2 full days if I were a SAHM wanting a little bit of time off. Assuming that you can comfortably afford a bit of extra help, I would prefer a mothers help for a two or three mornings a week so that your baby is looked after at home and you can relax a bit. I have used nurseries for my children (but it was out of necessity as I work). We have been generally very pleased with the care they have received and the children have been happy. However, if I could afford it, I would choose a nanny for a child under 2 years.

chandellina · 29/01/2010 20:27

yes there are lots of nannies who will work two days. One option is a nanny with a child of her own of a similar age. Or a proper nanny share, where your child slots in for those days with another family.
I'm not saying there aren't children who thrive in nursery from a young age, but you can see a big difference if you visit a nursery between the baby room and the toddlers room.

mazzystartled · 29/01/2010 20:29

I think the nursery's stipulation about 2 days is about fees rather than attendance, so you could do 2 days say 10 am (so you didn't have to get up at the crack to get there) till 3 or so. It gives you lots of flexibility, and makes sure something that is supposed to be giving you a rest doesn't turn into a schlep for a measly 2 hours off. In my experience, very young children settle very easily into a loving nursery environment. Finding the right place is the key.

That said, a babysitter could work too.

WashwithCareAgain · 29/01/2010 20:32

Starberries - there's quite a lot of stuff out there... didn't Professor Jay Belsky from London Uni research's team publish a number of reports on this topic - I think it was gov research for the Sure Start programme...

[http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/3312722/Nurseries-are-safe-and-secure---but-ar e-they-bad-for-your-baby.html]

Just a quick google found that... but I think there has been much more recent stuff...

The other author who comes to mind is Biddulph - I think he wrote a book called Raising Babies that pulled together a lot of this research...

Then there is the Children's Society report - A good Childhood - which mentions the evidence - but I think says it is strong enough to be concerned, but not conclusive...

Why - you sound as though you haven't heard of this - I thought it got quite a lot of media coverage - I have never seen any reserach that say nurseries are good for under 3s - have you?

scottishmummy · 29/01/2010 20:36

LOL,steve biddulph his methodology and results are dubious.that ole tub thumper used to be pro nursery selling books.until he decied to sell more books anti nursery

but hey ho many do like to mutter the buiddulph mantra and shake the tambourine of the precious moments mamas

redskyatnight · 29/01/2010 20:38

YANBU to want a rest - have you considered a childminder? May have more flexibility round times/days and has others have said no benefit (for child) in going to nursery at this age.

A lot of SAHMs have family near by who look after their children on a regular basis - somehow you never hear anyone saying this is a BAD THING. Why not use nursery/childminder if you don't have this option?

chandellina · 29/01/2010 20:40

there is plenty of research on the matter and nurseries continually rank at the bottom of the childcare heap. ON AVERAGE, of course.

chandellina · 29/01/2010 20:43

I can't stand Biddulph and as I recall from the one book of his I have (that offended my journalistic sensibilities by the end of the first page), he doesn't perform his own research, just pulls together some dubious and some well-respected sources.

scottishmummy · 29/01/2010 20:43

enrol at nursery and when he is 3yo you get the vouchers reduce cost

sungirltan · 29/01/2010 20:47

WWCA - the telgraph pieces conclude that bad nurseries with high staff turnovers can be detrimental BUT that a transfer to a good nursery can fix this before the age of 3 does it not? It also mentions 'high levels' of group care as and an earlier poster put, more than 40 hours a week, Surely thats a no brainer? More than 40 hours a week away from your mother when you are less than 1 must be detrimental to attachement and the rest.

op is proposing 2 days a week which must be 16 hours max? probably less as she is not working so doesn't have to do office hours if not necessary.

op YANBU.

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