To think my sister's engagement could have waited?

[ExpectingtoBU]

Ok, I probably am... but here goes.

My sister and her boyfriend have just announced their engagement, via text, from where they are currently on holiday. Something told me it might happen on this trip so I have been half-expecting the news.

We do not get on particularly well. I won't go into details, as it always sounds a bit petty when you only hear one side. But trust me, she's as nasty and manipulative as they come - just with an assassin's smile.

AIBU to think that announcing your engagement just days before another major event in your family - first grandchild for my parents - is not very good timing? She will arrive back from their trip about 3 days after my due date and I will doubtless be expected (by by mother mostly who thinks the sun shines out of her backside) to make a big fuss, even though she has shown precious little interest in my pregnancy from the start. AIBU to fear this will now be the absolute highlight of my parents' year and that her wedding plans will be the sole topic of conversation, completely overshadowing the birth of my baby?

She ruined Christmas for myself and DH. We ended up coming home early from my parents' house as she was behaving so badly, being so sulky every time the baby was mentioned, actually walking out of rooms when relatives asked me questions about my pregnancy, rolling her eyes and looking bored. She was exactly the same when we got married a couple of years ago - we couldn't even mention our wedding plans in front of her. She was very jealous.

I just feel a bit peeved that when my parents come to visit us for the birth of the baby, it will also be the first time they will see my sister to celebrate with her too. We don't ask for much, just wanted one special weekend that was all about me and my baby, that's all.

AIBU?

She does sound like a pita.

But NOTHING trumps producing a grandchild imo, particularly the first one.

Yabu.

Your baby is not here yet.

You feel this way because you don't like your sister. If you had a close relationship it wouldn't bother you at all - infact you would probably even be happy for her!

what bibbity said.

You are not, but nicky is right - your baby will be the centre of attention, and you won't have time to even notice your sis! Try not to worry.

It's all good news, isn't it?! Honestly - spare a thought for so many of the people who have had shocking news in their family in 2009 - it seems like family after family - and just be pleased you guys have stuff to celebrate. Please.

What BBH said. My sister announced her engagement at my wedding. I was slightly peeved, but I didn't wind myself up over it.

Its better than doing it just after - no one will remember once they see your baby . I dont really think it will make that much difference.

You can't expect her to delay her engagement really- as you say, you could see it coming, and she can hardly turn the bloke down on their romantic getaway just in case ot puts your nose out of joint, can she?

She sounds a bit jealous of you- be the bigger person and try to let it wash over you. If you appear resentful over this, you will look as bad as her, frankly.

bibbity I know you're right. I suppose it's because of the friction that already exists that the timing seems even worse. She knows this, I'm sure she does.

What nicky said. If your sister wanted all the attention on herself she chose the wrong time to do it.

Your baby will huuugely overshadow her news.

But, what Harriet said too.

If your sister got engaged on holiday it would be weird not to tell people, and as you could be late and then first few weeks with a baby, was she meant to not tell anyone for two months?!

It sounds like one of those situations where you can't control her, only your response to her, so rise above it, just ignore it and carry on as though she's responding normally.

p.s if she was single and wanting to be married with a baby I can understand your situation being difficult for some characters to handle.

Surely there is room in your lives for 2 happy events? She just got engaged - she didn't elope or plan her wedding or an engagement party for 3 days before your due date. Get a small grip.
TBH, perhaps you have been talking about the baby a leetle too much?
YABU

YABU but I know how you feel. SIL and DB announced they were having their third child when dd, my PFB was 11 weeks old. I was livid and all I could think was that DD's first Christmas would be overshadowed by a younger baby. Of course, I was being a nutter, it didn't make a blind bit of difference and I like my SIL I was still pissed off though

So you're jealous because 'she's' the centre of attention and you think you should be ? I pity your parents YABU but blame the hormones!

It all sounds a bit competitive. Delight in your parents' delight in your new baby, listen politely to their conversation re wedding plans (they're bound to be a bit excited, it's only natural) and have less to do with your sister who sounds very immature.

In fact your sister has been daft, if she's as mean-spirited as you describe, since she will have to share her 'news' with a cute new bundle who everyone will be cooing over. New babies win hands down

YABU but (despite being an only child) I totally get it

I would be glad that she has her wedding to occupy herself rather than some other attention-seeking strategy at this important time for your whole family

It's a shame you don't get along. If she has been jealous about your wedding and now the baby it is probably because she has felt overshadowed by you for a long time, so try to be gracious and happy for her.

that just all sounds so screwed up to me.

Wedding=good
baby=good

Be happy, you are lucky.

YAB a it U and sounding a bit childish I'm afraid.

having a baby is NOT about getting more attention than your sister, neither is getting married!!

Well I feel sorry for your parents. How difficult it must be to have two selfish daughters clamouring for attention. She is unreasonable to expect the world to revolve around her wedding, you are unreasonable to epect it to revolve around you because you are pregnant. It's probably best if you keep away from each other tbh.

What BoF said. Smile and rise above it.

purpleduck I know, you're right. I am trying to get a little grip. But one thing is for sure - we have soooooo not been talking a lot about this baby. And definitely not in front of her! I've seen her 4 times in the 9 months I've been pregnant.

She has wanted to be married with children for a very long time but only in the last couple of years has she found stability in a relationship. She's 37 by the way. It would have been easier to have had sympathy for her if she'd been able to keep a lid on her simmering resentment of everyone else in the world who gets married or has babies!

You're all making me feel much better by the way

YABU. You are about to have a baby, your sister is getting married, it's all good. Just be grateful. I had my first baby in the midst of several horrible family bereavements, I only wish that all we had had to deal with was someone I didn't like that much getting engaged!

Fernie3 is right, the engagement news will be rather sidelined by the baby's arrival. she might want to be all bridezilla, but babies beat all other things in Grandparent's minds.

And you will be so busy being a mum, you won't care, which is sooo annoying for someone who wants to be the centre of attention. Have you practiced saying things like "If you want help, I'm sure I could put you in touch with the person who did our flowers/photos/bridesmaids dresses" and "yes, we're looking forward to it, now mum,do you want to help me find an outfit for DC to wear to the wedding?" (Grannies love buying party clothes for babies).

If you fancy being a total cow you could plan a big christening the Sunday after her wedding as "all the family are together already, I'm sure you won't mind delaying your honeymoon by a couple of days" and turn every 'dress' conversation into 'Christening gowns'.

my sil got shortly enagaged after me and arranged her wedding date to be before mine although i hadn't finalised a date (still trying to match up venues and churches). lots of the rellys spent their time asking me what was planned for my day at the wedding in the next few weeks and all the pre wedding talk pressure in the years run up was taken off me (great)!

trust me - the first baby is the top trumps!
the baby and its development at the family table will beat the colour of napkins, seating plans etc all the way to her big day...be gracious.. ish