To think my sister's engagement could have waited?

[ExpectingtoBU]

Ok, I probably am... but here goes.

My sister and her boyfriend have just announced their engagement, via text, from where they are currently on holiday. Something told me it might happen on this trip so I have been half-expecting the news.

We do not get on particularly well. I won't go into details, as it always sounds a bit petty when you only hear one side. But trust me, she's as nasty and manipulative as they come - just with an assassin's smile.

AIBU to think that announcing your engagement just days before another major event in your family - first grandchild for my parents - is not very good timing? She will arrive back from their trip about 3 days after my due date and I will doubtless be expected (by by mother mostly who thinks the sun shines out of her backside) to make a big fuss, even though she has shown precious little interest in my pregnancy from the start. AIBU to fear this will now be the absolute highlight of my parents' year and that her wedding plans will be the sole topic of conversation, completely overshadowing the birth of my baby?

She ruined Christmas for myself and DH. We ended up coming home early from my parents' house as she was behaving so badly, being so sulky every time the baby was mentioned, actually walking out of rooms when relatives asked me questions about my pregnancy, rolling her eyes and looking bored. She was exactly the same when we got married a couple of years ago - we couldn't even mention our wedding plans in front of her. She was very jealous.

I just feel a bit peeved that when my parents come to visit us for the birth of the baby, it will also be the first time they will see my sister to celebrate with her too. We don't ask for much, just wanted one special weekend that was all about me and my baby, that's all.

AIBU?

Nancy if you read my posts I have said over and over again that I do not think anyone should be caught up in my pregnancy. I have hardly talked about it at all in front of her. I just think the odd word here and there from her would have been nice.

YABU, immature and childish.

Surely this is a wind-up?

Surely no one is truly this mean-spirited, spiteful and self-centred?

You say she's nasty.

But starting a ridiculous thread like this doesn't exaclty make you come across as the gracious type.

can i just repeat my question, when SHOULD she have announced her engagement? the day the baby was born? a week later? a month?

Expecting - I was reading your original post, which says the exact opposite.

YABU.You both sound equally immature and petty.

Sometimes, siblings are vile, petty and small-minded and do plan things just to steal the limelight.

I think everyone is being v harsh to OP.

(I have one like hers.)

But why on earth do you need the limelight at all?

So what if she did? It's only an issue if the OP allows it to become one.

Well, I'm sure they can, Avenging. But why let it get to oneself so much and be so hateful about it? It's just fueling their fire.

If one can't learn to rise above, it says a lot about one's maturity levels.

Woah, guys, why is everyone so quick to condemn the OP? I actually think she should get a bit of a grip but only for her own sake. From what I have read, her sister sounds like a bitter cow. Why is nobody condemning her for ignoring the OP's pregnancy? Not to say congratulations even at that first meeting post-announcement? That's just rude isn't it?

Trouble with AIBUs is that people almost always want to say a resounding YES!

OP, for your own sanity, I would just smile, say a big congrats and get on with enjoying your own lovely new arrival. Make sure nobody in your family gets any sense that you are bitter about this. If they have any nouse at all, they probably all think the timing is a bit off too.

Chin up

'Woah, guys, why is everyone so quick to condemn the OP?'

Because she sounds every bit as horrid as her sister, tbh.

Wow i feel very sorry for the op, some of you are a bit harsh,no?

Op, congrats on your baby & when your child is born you will soon realise that nothing else matters anymore except your baby,dh & yourself.

Buy your sis a gift & a card & be the bigger person.

Good luck.

i can understand how hurt you feel if she has never once congratulated you on your pregnancy but i think you need to rise above it show her how normal people behave and maybe congratulate her, buy her a card and a bottle of something. maybe she is expecting you to feel put out..so dont act that way.

try and change the way you act around her...you know the saying "treat people the way you expect to be treated yourself"

but you have a precious baby on the way very soon and he/she will always be important to you and your DH and always be the topic of conversation in your home even when there is no one around to listen.

Well, she does sound a bit petty but I know myself how easy it is to fall into these awful cycles with siblings. Sometimes things are just so ingrained that it's impossible to explain to anyone else and you can feel you're going mad.

But why is nobody saying that her sister has behaved badly? To me her sister is far more nasty, leaving rooms when babies are mentioned just because she'd quite like to have one herself? OP didn't say her sister couldn't have kids, just that she wished she had them. That's not the same thing.

'But why is nobody saying that her sister has behaved badly?'

Because what does it matter? I mean, if she has a history of being nasty, it could hardly come as a surprise to the OP, and any adult would have learned long ago not to let it get a rise out of them, not spew vitriol online about some random stranger no one even knows or cares about.

AIBU isn't the 'Hug a Hun' topic.

I haven't read the whole thread, so sorry if this has been said... but your sister texted the news while on holiday. Maybe she told everyone before coming home so that the news was out of the way before your baby was born? It would have looked a lot more like trying to 'steal the limelight' if she'd come to see the baby and then made the announcement.

I'm sorry to be snarky and unsympathetic

But you need to get a life some perspective.

Sometimes big events in people's lives just coincide like that so to expect someone to put things on hold because of what's happening in your own life seems rather unreasonable.

If you have a baby on the way and it's the first grandchild for your parents, I would imagine it's hard for a sibling to know when the best time to announce an engagement is. Maybe she announced it now so she can have all the enjoyment of everyone talking about her forthcoming marriage for a bit before talk of the baby becomes a major factor once your child is born. No doubt she knows full well that once the baby arrives that will dominate a lot of your own thoughts - so can you not be happy for her now and let her have her moment?
Would you prefer it if she announced it at the same time as your baby arrives? Or just afterwards? Whenever she does it, she may feel slightly overshadowed by the big news of a baby on the way for you but, for her, becoming engaged is a massive thing so I would think you should be pleased for her, knowing you already have lots of happy things going on in your own life.

Oh exactly this happened to me! I announced my very unexpected pregnancy whilst visiting my parents (our first child and their first grand child). Sis happened to be visiting with her partner and after showing minimal interest in my pregnancy managed to spend the whole evening talking about her new kitchen! No matter how we tried to steer the conversation back to babies she would somehow manage to get it back onto kitchens and tiles. It was so bizarre and off the wall that my DP who is normally completely immune to these things still remembers it ten years later!!!

Anyway a week later she announces her engagement and books the weeding for 6 weeks after my due date ensuring that whenever I was present she could steer conversation round to her wedding plans rather than our baby plans.

I haven't got any real advice just to seethe inwardly and have a good rant on MumsNet!

Two4One "To me her sister is far more nasty, leaving rooms when babies are mentioned just because she'd quite like to have one herself?"

Not been there then?

Have the pair of you always fought for your parents attention?

what morloth said.

the op is determined to think the worst here and her sister could have waited months before announcing her engagment and it still wouldnt have been long enough!