To think my sister's engagement could have waited?

[ExpectingtoBU]

Ok, I probably am... but here goes.

My sister and her boyfriend have just announced their engagement, via text, from where they are currently on holiday. Something told me it might happen on this trip so I have been half-expecting the news.

We do not get on particularly well. I won't go into details, as it always sounds a bit petty when you only hear one side. But trust me, she's as nasty and manipulative as they come - just with an assassin's smile.

AIBU to think that announcing your engagement just days before another major event in your family - first grandchild for my parents - is not very good timing? She will arrive back from their trip about 3 days after my due date and I will doubtless be expected (by by mother mostly who thinks the sun shines out of her backside) to make a big fuss, even though she has shown precious little interest in my pregnancy from the start. AIBU to fear this will now be the absolute highlight of my parents' year and that her wedding plans will be the sole topic of conversation, completely overshadowing the birth of my baby?

She ruined Christmas for myself and DH. We ended up coming home early from my parents' house as she was behaving so badly, being so sulky every time the baby was mentioned, actually walking out of rooms when relatives asked me questions about my pregnancy, rolling her eyes and looking bored. She was exactly the same when we got married a couple of years ago - we couldn't even mention our wedding plans in front of her. She was very jealous.

I just feel a bit peeved that when my parents come to visit us for the birth of the baby, it will also be the first time they will see my sister to celebrate with her too. We don't ask for much, just wanted one special weekend that was all about me and my baby, that's all.

AIBU?

If you are worried that anything will overshadow the birth of your own child then you really need to go and have a lie down and get some rest

oh, and i leave rooms when people moan about ms or talk about their pg, i find it incredibly hard to be around pg women and new babies. cant help it, i dont like being bitter - but I am!

The reason why we are criticising you more than your sister, OP, is that she is not on here moaning about how you chose to get pregnant just in time to spoil her engagement

Queenoftheslatterns is that because you have been ttc'ing with no luck? That I can definitely sympathise with. OP didn't say that her sister had been having trouble conceiving. She made it sound as though her sister simply wished she was at that stage in her life and wasn't. Yet. That does seem rude to me. To resent something just because you fancy having it at some stage but haven't got it right now.

The sister is clearly jealous of anything the OP has before her. I'd love to know the age gap - OP?

Op, you aren't going to be able to get people to understand because this is a stand-alone incident that - when described - does sound a bit petty and mad.

If you got on and she had always behaved well, you wouldn't be posting this. You would be (as has been pointed out) happy for her.

The problem is that you don't get on and she (and probably you too) hasn't behaved well and there is a track record for this going back years. You haven't got a hope of laying all out that so that people fully understand in a post on the internet.

Do you have someone - an old school friend for example - who has known both you and your sister from childhood?

I found it really helpful to talk to my oldest friend, who could put my sister's behaviour on specific occasions into the context of the years of horrible manipulative behaviour she had witnessed or been privy to.

Good luck with the birth of your baby.

Baby trumps engagement, if that is what you are worried about.

But good news is good news. You should be happy for her, and expect her to be happy for you. She can announce her engagement when she likes, although announcing on the day you give birth, or on your wedding day would be tacky.

Announcing it in some point in the region near your due date is not obnoxious.

@ LeQueen

I'm also rethinking my brother's timing when he collapsed at our sister's wedding. Bloody inconsiderate to take attention away from her special day for a few hours while the paramedics worked out what was wrong.....

I know LeQueen I was thinking that my sister dared to get tell me (and everyone else) she was pregnant on the night I rang home for my neice's engagement party and told everyone then that I was pregnant.

I don't know who is supposed to be more annoyed! We all just went Yay! Babies! Weddings! Party time!

YABU and it all sounds very footballers wives/ teenaged bitching etc.

What kind of mad world do we live in when people plan their engagements anyway? I'm glad I live in a bubble if this is norm now.

To be fair to OP women moaning about stolen thunder is absolutely standard on here. I dunno, it makes you wonder why people get married and have kids. Do they want the marriage and the children or are they seeking five minutes of fame that they see as their right.

I don't mean you OP or your child who I assume is very much wanted. But you must be very insecure if you really feel that your Dsis wittering on about dresses in any way takes away from you having a baby.

Sheesh.

fwiw, OP - I wouldn't worry about your parents because I should imagine they will be delighted that not only is one child of theirs having a baby but their other daughter is happy in her life too and has found someone to get married to. They won't be comparing which event is the happiest or more noteworthy because they're both special.

you'll be too busy with your baby to have time to listen to her ramble on about bridesmaids dresses and place settings so you'll have the perfect excuse to duck out of that

DH and I got engaged about a month after BIL and SIL had their first baby

DH had been saving for a ring, he wanted to propose on my birthday.

It had bugger all to do with them, I can't imagine being sad enough to plan the major events in my life around what other people are doing.

Oh and our DC2 is now due on said child's birthday. I suppose that's thunder stealing as well is it?

can i add

most people have a baby because they and their partner have decided this is what they want to do, to bring a new life into the world and extend their family

most people don't have one to be centre of attention

this clearly doesn't apply to the OP, because if it did she wouldn't be so bloody upset at someone daring to want some attention at the same time as her baby is born.

OP- get on with having your baby,. appreciate those around you and enjoy this. It doesn't matter a tiny little bit what your sister is doing, it doesn't even matter if you don't get any attention at all from anyone.
what matters is that the child you decided to have will be born, and you will be ecstatic, and you need to focus on that, not on who might be stealing the limelight

YABU

A similar thing happened in our family. When I was about 8 months pregnant, DH's brother got engaged. Wonderful, was great news. Trouble was, once our DS was born, it was ALL about him! Poor BIL & SIL had to plan their wedding with everyone cooing over our DS and even on the day, MIL & FIL spent a large part of it showing off their first grandchild to all the relatives who hadn't seen him! Even though it wasn't my fault, I felt awful!

Rise above the pettiness and be happy for her. If she wants to get all bridezilla, so what? You'll have a lovely little baby and won't care about anything else

I know what it's like to have a difficult relationship with a sister - God knows I've had my fair share of sibling angst - but you must know that you are coming across as bad as your sister on here.

Do you actually want a better relationship with your sister? If you do, then try and ignore any negative feelings you have and make a real go at being happy for her. She may not have been very gracious with you when you announced your engagement or pregnancy, but if all she can see is you getting everything she ever wanted you have to concede that she must have been hurting.

Now she is getting half of her dream, she's getting married, and she's allowed to be excited about it. Yes, the timing may not be entirely to your liking, but there is nothing wrong with what she did. You having a baby is a wonderful event, so is her engagement, and your parents will be happy for both of you.

Besides, once your baby is here you won't have the time or the inclination to give a crap about someone stealing your thunder.

I havn't read all the replies, but I think YABU.

I got engaged 6 weeks before my sister's wedding. Apart from DH's flatmate my mum forbade me to tell anyone until after DSis's wedding, so as to not steal her thunder.

I hated those 6 weeks, not being able to announce my good news.

There is always room for good news!

Well it seems to me that this isn´t so much about the sister but that the OPs parents might dare to talk about/be interested in something than OPs baby.

I know this is AIBU so everyone is entitled to their two pence worth. I also know that the OP has only given us a single incident to judge, so that is all that we can do, no matter now much she refers to a much larger history.

But I do think that those people who have happy functioning family relationships usually have no idea and cannot even begin to comprehend what having toxic family members is like.

It's totally different to things being a bit strained or there being some tension stemming from a misunderstanding about Christmas or that the she way she always repeats that story about the spider just drives you mad.

It's an awful, tangled, miserable state of affairs that makes you agitated and unhappy and really negatively impacts on your life over a number of years.

If these are the circumstances in which you find yourself, being told that you are petty and should grow up is useless at best.

My sister did this to me! I was 3 weeks away from having dd and she got engaged.

Once the baby arrives no one will care about the wedding And, the baby may make your relationship better.

The funny thing was, on the day of her wedding her new dh's brother announced they were expecting a baby - He he

Maybe time your dc2 in with the wedding so you can make an 'announcement'!