DD and her friend throttled another child at school today, AIBU not to tell DD off?

[LEMhasgonetothedogs]

They are four.

HOW EMBARRASING FFS!!!

Went to pick up DD from school and one of the other mums called me over to forwarn me that the teacher would want a word.

Anyway, it turns out that the girls were playing and my DD and her friend both had either end of another girls scarf and were pulling . Enough to mark oh dear!

Anyway, the teacher said there was no malice but that she obviously spoke to them about the dangers etc. I said i would talk to DD and the teacher sort of waved her hand as if to say, oh its done and dusted now - they wasn[t being nasty.

I did speak to DD and explain that she must be really carefull playing and never to pull things around someone's neck. She looked v sheepish and said it wasn't her - which of course it was - and i said it was ok and that she wasn't in trouble but just so she knows it is dangerous and never to do it again. I mean, it could have been nasty couldnt it

I'm going to be MORTIFIED at school in the morning, i don't know the other mum, but do you think its worth me seeking her out and apologising - even though there was no malice? or best leave it? I guess the teacher would have had to tell her what happened.

I would give her a stern lecture about the dangers of tying things around people's throat. Come on woman-nip this in the bud. She might not have meant to do it but it was still dangerous and she needs to learn to play safe and to apologise.

Get her to apologise too. You don't want her to become a playground bully do you? Swallowing one's pride and apologising is an important life skill. There was no malice but it was still a stupid thing to do.

My dd has no concept of danger as she's 18 months but I am quite stern with her if she's doing something damaging as I want her to learn.

I think your dd should apologise not you btw but if it makes you feel better then say something.

maybe let you child apologise to the other whilst you're there. don't let it cause bad feeling, nip in bud as said earlier.

Hey, because of this incident, all the kids concerned now know it's a dangerous thing to do. You say it could have been nasty but it wasn't. If the teacher gave you the impression it was done and dusted, I wouldn't bother speaking to the mother UNLESS i could feel her looking for eye contact IYKWIM?

you should have bollocked her, and you should definitely apologise.

playground bully?? Thats a bit strong!! I don't want to upset my DD and make her wary of the other child iyswim. I HAVE spoken to her about the dangers, the TEACHER has spoken to her about the danger. What is the point of stern lectures if they weren't actually being naughty. Yes, they were not playing safe and the teacher dealt with it. Playground bully ?

It may be worth telling her off quite strongly just to enforce the idea that this is very dangerous. When I catch my kids doing dangerous things I go extra nuts as I would rather scare them from doing it again then let them think it is not such a big deal.

I'd get your dd to make a little sorry card, explain to her that her friend must have been scared and hurting. Then once that is given leave it at that.

poshsinglemum, the little girls 4! she's not 14! Bit of a strong reaction from yourself?

I am happy to apologise to the other mum, but i wonder should i just leave it? If i go and apologise then it makes it appear as if maybe my DD was being nasty to the child and that wasn't the case - at least that is what hte teacher said.

Imagine if you will your DD comes home from school tomorrow with red burn marks on her neck after friends pulling her scarf. Your reaction?

I think you should tell her off simply so she learns consequences. You know, we're always saying that 'naughty' babies and 'naughty' toddlers don't exist because they do not yet understand danger. A 4yr old does. Explain the danger and tell her off - by which I mean show your disappointment, make her promise to never do it again, make her apologize) - then give her a hug. She is only little but she is old enough to know that pulling a scarf around someone's neck is not a good idea. You will help her by telling her off.

kitten, i don't think the other girl was upset, i think it was a game between the three of them, although quite what they were trying to do i dread to think

SHE'S ONLY 4 PEOPLE! The teacher would have used this situation as a lesson to the other kids, it's a way of learning....You lot are harsh man!

If I were the girls mother and my DD came home with marking around the neck - playing or not - I would expect an apology to my daughter.

What if it was your DD and they were just mucking about and she ended up with a black eye or something, would you be so blase with it then?

FFS, she is a 4 year old girl, who was playing, she is not going to turn into a juvenile delinquent, she is not a bully.
Yes, it was extremely dangerous, but they weren't trying to hurt the other girl, prob just playing ponies or whatever

LEM, just reinforce that anything around a neck is wrong and get her to apologise, and pls ignore the more hysterical comments on here....

OK then, what do we do with kids that bite other children then? Remove their teeth?

the teacher has dealt with it, and you have reinforced the message.

you don;t need to do anything more

FWIW one of DS's little mates punched him enough to make his lip bleed today. Got a note home from school, and DS filled in the details. Other little boy was told off by teacher. It's done and dusted, and I wouldn't expect an apology from his mum at all.

Yes Limara, I think that the removal of teeth for biters should be encouraged, very definitely.

Just being spoken to would be enough for my dd to understand what she had done was dangerous. I wouldn't see any need for a good telling off.

I think I would be looking for the other mum though, just to check that all is well with her dd and her. A little note is a lovely idea.

And if I were the other girl's mum I'd be telling you it was OK and you mustn't worry .

i would be cross that she lied too and said it wasn't her

Fair enough LEM - they do daft things at that age! (and to be fair, dh still does at his grandold age)

DS would have got told off extremely sternly - twice.

Once for lying about it and once for doing it.

He hit a classmate in Reception once - he's only ever done it once, thus was the effect of my discipline, for which I'm proud. I can't stand the other parents who let it go and their dc carry on with such behaviours on our playground

She may "only" be 4 but she's old enough to understand when something is utterly dangerous and never to be repeated and how scared her friend was.

I was strangled on the school bus when I was about 10. I was sat with a scarf on and some prat behind me saw fit to tighten it. I couldn't breathe - my sister noticed and yelled at him to stop. I was going blue.

He never apologised.... apparently it was "just one of those things"

It's damn rude not to apologise after injuring someone. Playful or not.

I would make a little card together saying I love playing with you sorry it went wrong today.....

mazzystartled your much more forgiving than me! I would expect a note at least!