to "allow" DH's 15 yr old stepson to get arrested and spend a night in the cells?

[WashwithCare]

DH is not stepson's bio Dad, but lived with him between age 3 and 13, and has been in contact since and financially supporting his Mum and younger sister (also not DH's child).

Anyway, after a long saga of on-going hassles, and lots of soul-searching have in the last week really put my foot down, and inisted on a set of ground rules. I also have my DD (who lives with us f/t) and am about to have a baby (due 4/2) to think of. One of the new rules was that although DH is free to see his steps whenever he likes, and provide any financial support he sees fit - I didn't want them in our home near my kids (but I would review this in 6 mths).

So last night, DH is out for a work function. 10.30 pm, I notice stepson and another male I don't know walk up the path. They ring the bell - I ignore it. They are noisy and sound drunk/intoxicated... then tehy start shouting. I go down, answer the door on chain, say DH is not there, please go away.

Step son is hammered and screaming I'm a lying bitch as DH's car is in the drive (he took a taxi). Starts to boot the car, while his mates tries to talk him down. More screaming. I say, go now or I WILL call the police - manage to shut the door. I call the police,but whilst I am giving my address, they arrive. (2 other neighbours had called them).

I stay in doors, WPC comes into sit with me. 5 mins later, literally, they come into say the mate left and went home nicely, but stepson has been lifted. They ask if DH is the Dad - and I say no (and explain as above). Try to call DH, but get his voicemail - can't think what to say in a voice msg so say nothing about it. So go to bed, thinking this is not my problem.

Anyway, have found out today that police couldnt' contact DH's ex, so step son spent the night in the cells. DH is furious - he thinks I should have done more.

I think it's the mum's responsbility and although I think locking him up all night was OTT, I think I behaved reasonably.

AIBU?

Oh and if my not-stepson had come round and hurles abuse at me then been removed by the police whilst I wibbled about 9 months pregnant I would have managed to say something of the situation in a voicemail. that you were apparently struck dumb is one of the least believable aspects of your entire fabrication.

By dittany Sun 24-Jan-10 21:24:30
I can't believe you're calling banning these children from the house a "ground rule" either WWC.

It's not "the house", it's my home.

FFS, people are outraged that a cleaner passed on a key on another thread, but seem to think it is ok that my home is centre stage for all manner or violent, drunk amateur dramatics

Lightbulb moment! - WWC = Tispity 'taps nose' Say no more say no more

If wwc is real, then the emotional disconnect she displays is verging on sociopathic.

Stepson arrested and carted of by police, and she sends dh text "saying off to bed now"?

How mad is that? Most normal people would be leaving explicit voicemail messages and demanding immediate return of dh.

What time did dh get in? Did he try to track down son once he was in?

You seem to be saying that neither of you were particularly bothered. Except your dh when he finally (how many hours later?) finds out dss spent night in police custody.

All sounds bollox.

Ok. So it's fantastic that he's 'taking on' another man's child, especially as he has done it all before and it's ended so badly with his step-children. I would hate your daughter to have to suffer the same fate that has befallen your DH's older step children should your husband ever choose to move on from you and start a new life with a mistress new woman.

Hoping it is bollox nigel. I really do

Orm - I'm quite sure it's absolute nonsense.

By WashwithCare Sun 24-Jan-10 21:19:35
By Rindercella Sun 24-Jan-10 21:05:45
PMSL @ WashwithCare asking, "Are you lot for real?". That really takes the biscuit

As it happens WWC, I am heavily pregnant (due March)

Interesting WWC, as you said you were due 4/2 in your OP?

Agree with NL...all of this smells of BS, but the strongest stench of all is WWC not leaving a ranting message on her husband's mobile raging about his stepson.

Neither do I believe that a 15 year old would be held in a cell all night, however pissed he was.

Do not know for certain that he was in a cell, but have no real reason to doubt it. I think the law may be different in Scotland Geogimama

[http://www.newstatesman.com/199910110026]

The law may have changed since this... but basically the problem is that if you're drunk and abusive, and they can't contact parents, what are they meant to do?

If this is a real situation (which I dont think it is), then your DH must be a very weak man to let his children (born from him or not) be treated this way and I hope he realises that you are a fantasist and a liar very soon. I feel very sorry for your step children and you truly are the "wicked witch of the west we all had dreams about as children"

Can some one tell me when the OP's baby is due as she has said 4/2 in the origional post which is 4th feb and then she says she is due march, am confuddled

and

where was the childs mother

and

surely if she is a solicitor (hope I have the right person) would she not know what was likely to happen with the police and the child

there are such things as juvenile cells.

MY Home. MY DH. MY child.

Its the marital home you share with your husband. Remember that old legally thing? You being a high flying lawyer and all that?

And they ARE his children, whatever you would like to think in the strict letter of the law. So it is their home too.

What a nasty piece of work you are. A distressed 15 year old comes to see his dad, drank too much, got you peering through door over chain, and he kicks his dad's car in drunken frustration. Poor little sod. Mum with MH issues, withdrawn from school, pushed from pillar to post, finally loses it. He is only 15. A child.

You are all heart.

Mermaidspam, I said I am due in March

he is only 15 and they could not get hold of the mum?

if my 15 year old boy had not come home i would want to know where he is. i would definately be contactable. its not your fault,

in fact you don't deserve children real or not

Oh I see - you don't know for certain. That's handy isn't it - and as a lawyer how come you haven't checked out the legality of what happened. Wouldn't that have been your first move this morning when dh kicked off - great way to divert attention from your all round crapness.

Oh no, wait - don't tell me - you're commercial and don't do criminal. And of course you know no criminal lawyers and have no resources in the house. Right.

So humour me and tell us how you found out about the 'cells' - can't be from the usless mother can it because you don't know where she was/is. So how did you get to know? Come on - exercise your fertile imagination I'm sure you can muster something!

WWC if this happens to your baby in 15 years time- will you really be satisfied with your dh waiting to tell you in the morning? If my child (or someone I regarded as my child) was in this state, I would want to know straightaway. You have to accept that however badly this child behaves, your dh will (and ought to) feel the same for him as you would for one of your children in this situation. This doesn't mean that you have to feel the same. But you have to respect his feelings.

And I quite agree with Georgimama that if he did spend the night in the cells, your dh needs to investigate.

By Rindercella Sun 24-Jan-10 21:40:31
Ok. So it's fantastic that he's 'taking on' another man's child, especially as he has done it all before and it's ended so badly with his step-children. I would hate your daughter to have to suffer the same fate that has befallen your DH's older step children should your husband ever choose to move on from you and start a new life with a mistress new woman.

Suffered what fate exactly?

Come on... lots of children have natural fathers who never see them, and never pay a penny for their maintenance. I am always shocked by the high % who do this to their own biological kids.

They have an involved, supportive stepdad. Hopefully DH and I will not split up, but if we do, could not fault DH's behaviour if he treats my DD with the love, patience and genoristy that he has lavished on DSC.

Let's just hope he has better judgement when choosing his next partner (and step mother to his children) then. Should you split up of course

By cory Sun 24-Jan-10 21:49:52
And I quite agree with Georgimama that if he did spend the night in the cells, your dh needs to investigate.

Cory, I keep saying this, but here goes again... ONE MORE TIME WITH FEELING!!

He is NOT their father - he has no more ability to pursue an action on their behalf than you or I do.

He doesn't have parental responsiblity, and he couldnt' get it if he wanted to.

It's up to his mother (and his bio Dad - whose long gone)

People keep saying, he's the same as their Dad, but he's not, and it isn't the same.