to ask why this woman keeps telling my fiance she is in love with him

[kellze]

She and my fiance had a very brief relationship a few years ago and only slept together once. He is in Australia atm visiting friends and family before birth of our first child and has met up with this woman as a group with mutual friends. She ended up telling him how she still loves him and wants to be with him and would do anything for him etc.

He told her there was no chance and she had missed that boat and that he was very happy with me etc.

I believe there would never be a chance of anything happening between them and trust him totally but I want to know why the hell she thinks it is ok to tell him this stuff.

Do I ask her?

It is bloody hard changing countries. Even with a committed, long term partner who you can trust above all else. Really really hard, good, but hard.

Expat, thats a bit harsh. I am just trying to chat and i do genuinely welcome discussions/criticisms, but not rudeness.

The Visa allows for me to work and access to medical care but not to funding for uni education for myself or any benefits for myself. DP has applied for jobs and apprenticeships for when we return, which obviously is ongoing as unsure of date of permanent return.

Kellze, I get what you're saying. You're being very patient!

If you did ask her something on FB, she'd say she'd been humping him whether or not she had been I reckon.
(Does that make sense?)

That's true for immigrants to here, too, dittany.

Also, most non-permanent visas do not allow the holder any recourse to public funds.

So if their relationships go awry they're stuck in a foreign country far from help.

no, but it is kellze who is having to justify her fiance's trip back home on this thread. I feel she has been answering the same question over and over.

The original post is not requesting our opinions on her fiance's behaviour. She wanted to hear thought about his ex's confession of love, and has gently but frequently tried to return the discussion to that topic.

I understand why there might be concern about him (which can be interpreted either way IMO), but to be fair, that's not her question...

Well to be fair dittany I do remember some English types complaining that the beer was too cold. As if such a thing were possible! They were concerned it was damaging their throats.

I do find drinks are kept far too warm here though...

'Expat, thats a bit harsh. I am just trying to chat and i do genuinely welcome discussions/criticisms, but not rudeness. '

In your opinion, maybe.

Welcome to AIBU.

Seriously, this guy sounds like a total loser and the least of your problems is some ex of his and Facebook.

He's over there hanging out with all his mates including her and you really have no idea what he's getting up to.

If you do go Kellze remember to keep enough cash in a bank account for return flights for you and the kids and hold onto your passports at all times. As you won't have access to public funds there will be no safety net if you can't find work. This is scary. Trust me on this.

We do this as a matter of course when changing countries.

'The original post is not requesting our opinions on her fiance's behaviour. She wanted to hear thought about his ex's confession of love, and has gently but frequently tried to return the discussion to that topic.'

That's how MN works, particularly AIBU.

It's like putting the entire story/OP on a sandwich board and walking round Trafalgar Square at lunchtime on a sunny, warm day.

You're going to get a lot of comments.

What's the rush in emigrating? I mean, forget the visa - you can get another one later if it's really what you want.

You've been together for seventeen months, but you've been apart for four of those so you've only actually spent a year in each other's company. That's really very little time, Kellze.

There's a lot of pressure on you to make it work because there's a baby coming and now there's a wedding planned. But both of those things were sort of accidents, rather than informed though-out decisions.

A newborn is hard work. It puts strain on a relationship, especially if you are still getting to know each other and negotiatng the terms of that relationship.

There is also your son to consider. He has a life here too. He may well get on very well with your partner, but he's too small to get his head round the reality of leaving everything familiar to him to go and live in a new family set-up. Things may well be rocky for a while, and this will impact on him.

As Morloth says, you need to put the brakes on a bit. Why rush into emigrating right away? Get him to get his arse back here and just try to be for a bit. Rushing into all this may well be something you end up regretting.

Good luck, kellze, you're going to need it.

I have looked at all the things that could possibly go wrong once we are in Oz and I won't say it;'s not scary and daunting because it is. But in all honesty I think we have to give it all the best shot we possibly can. I think any relationship deserves that much.

I am happy to leave this country for many reasons. I have just been made redundant and won't be selling my house here, so I am not losing anything in that respect, I will miss my family and friends, but would rather return after a failed relationship than to have cowered behind the cushions and never have tried.

I have not ignored the fact he has been away for 5 months and at times it has hurt terribly, and believe me, he doesn't get away scot free on having left me pregnant. But he hasn't left me totally, in the end i thought it better for him to go then rather than resent me for making him stay when he wanted to visit his parents and friens whom he hadn't seen in over a year

Have you considered what you would do if it didn't work out and he would not allow you to remove your baby from Australia?

I have already put in place access to funds just in case of a need to return with the children. I am being as sensible as I can about the whole move. if it were only me I wouldn't give it another thought and dive in with both feet, but we both recognise the need to be pragmatic.

Fair enough kellze.

But there's "visiting his parents and friends whom he hadn't seen in over a year" and then there's pissing off for five months.

You're pregnant. Why the fuck would he rather be "bumming around" than coming to his baby's scan, feeling the kicks, supporting you?

By all means a few weeks is reasonable. But five months?

An

If it didn't work out and he wouldn't let me move back to England with the baby, I would just have to stay put, but it would not be easy for him..

notanumber- I know and can't believe at times he left me to that all alone. We have discussed it, but with funds the way they were, there wasn't a lot to be done about his return date.

Or you, remember you have no access to benefits/assistance/welfare.

Sorry, I have been an expat now for 10 years or so in various countries and seen this sort of thing go tits up so often. Working in lawfirms - not as a lawyer! (sometimes family/immigration) has also made me into a very cynical and suspicious type.

"...with funds the way they were, there wasn't a lot to be done about his return date."

How much is a one way ticket from Australia to the UK?

He must have been able to rustle up the cash from somewhere.

A loan from his parents or friends? Credit card? A month of bar work and fruitpicking religiously saved up....

I just find it hard to believe that it really was so impossible for him to find a way back to his pregnant girlfriend if he had really wanted to.

I know about benefits etc. and shouldn't be a problem, but who can see into the future? We have plans in place. Assurance of Support, and also a separate bank account just in case.

One way from Aus to Uk= £800 ish

As has been said, we were going to go before baby is born and as soon as I decided that wasn't going to happen, he borrowed the money and booked a flight back. I do agree he could have done a lot more. But the simple fact is he didn't and whilst at times I got upset/angry about certain things I only wanted to make sure that we would be together for the birth.

If I was a woman in love with my ex and

he was 25 and had a relatively new relationship with a 31yo with an 11yo son

he had been in UK and always intended to come back home until he accidently got the new woman pg

He left said new woman for 5 of the 7 months of her pregnancy thus not being able to support her and missing out on scans, first kick, talking to the bump.

Is 'bumming around' with me and his other mates 12000 miles away from other woman.

Hasn't bothered getting a return ticket or got a job to support his pg gf. Left without having a return ticket.

Had vague plan to bring new family to Aus even though he doesn't even have enough money for his own ticket and he knows that Aus is a very expensive place to live, esp when you have to pay for healthcare for 4 people and get no benefits such as child benefit and help with childcare.

He proposed after the BFP and I suspect that he is 'doing the right thing' rather than really wanting to marry her

If that was the situation I was in as the ex then I would tell him I loved him. He isn't married yet, he doesn't look very commited so I would chance my arm rather than let him waste his time in what I saw as a doomed relationship.

I hope you will excuse me saying this but I wouldn't marry someone with that behaviour if I were you. You have 2 children. You need an adult you can rely on.