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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be appalled at the 'treatment' my daughter received at the hosptal?

193 replies

Katecat · 20/01/2010 19:04

First AIBU but happy to hear all opinions.

DD (2.4) has had a horrible vomiting/diarrhoea bug since Friday. We'd been keeping on top of things by pushing fluids and lots of rest and she seemed ok by Sunday pm just a bit tired so I took her to the childminder on Monday morning as normal (I know but she really seemed better, loves her CM, no other children there and CM was happy to have her). CM called Monday lunchtime to say DD was unwell again,lots of vomiting.

Anyway, eventually got her to see GP around 4pm, by this time she was very pale and lethargic but had stopped vomiting - nothing left to vomit [] and the GP wanted the paeds at the hospital to see her. He rang Children's ward and was told they were really busy, lots of other children with the same bug, and to refer us to the other hospital (about 15 minutes longer drive for us) A&E department. I wasn't happy with this, it isn't a children's A&E and I can't beleive they're allowed to refuse to see a sick child? As DD clearly needed to be seen I decided to try my luck and go straight to the busy Children's ward anyway. On arrival (had to carry DD by this point) I handed my Gp's letter to the Paed who said they had not received a call and wouldn't be able to see us, I had to go to the other hospital. By this point I was very worried about DD and absolutely livid that they refused to see her even though she was clealy unwell and demanded to see the person in charge. Nurse came along and told me no way we could be seen, go to other hospital etc. There was only one other family waiting, how can they claim they're too busy? After 20 minutes of me refusing to move, Dr came back and said she would have a 'quick look' at DD but if she needed admisission there were no spare beds (why could I see 2 beds parked in the coridoor then?!). So, she decided that DD needed intravenous fluids to rehydrate her yet STILL refused to admit us and I was forced to drive my sick child to the further hospital where she was thankfully admitted quickly and got the fluid she needed (the trauma of that is another AIBU itself )and is no on the mend although still on the ward.

Sorry this is long but I am so so angry. Am I right in thinking the hospital were useless and unreasonable and the staff would have been responsible if anything had happened to DD?

OP posts:
StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 20/01/2010 22:27

As everyone else here has said, you were being unreasonable.

You risked your dd's life by taking her to a ward you knew was closed, and spending ages arguing with staff - had you gone to the hospital you were told to go to, she would have been treated far more quickly.

By demanding attention at an already busy ward, you took up the time of nurses and doctors, and took their attention away from the children they should have been treating.

On a children's ward, beds may be in a corridor because the ward has a lot of children in cots - and as someone else has said, each bed/cot/bassinet requires the same amount of space and equipment/oxygen/suction etc, so sometimes beds will be moved into the corridor to make space for a cot for a smaller child.

I hope your dd recovers soon.

Sandthefloor · 20/01/2010 22:37

I think that you were not thinking clearly as you were understandably worried about your child. Your DD is ok and that is the main thing.

BettySuarez · 20/01/2010 22:39

Can I also just add (as an ex A&E nurse) that the presence of only one or two families in the waiting room, gives no indication of how busy the rest of the department might be.

Serious casulties will arrive by ambulance and be admitted through the back of the department and this will often not be obvious to those in the waiting room.

I hope that your daughter is feeling better though

lucky1979 · 20/01/2010 22:55

Also I honestly didn't believe they'd actually turn us away when they saw how ill she was. That bit still makes me , not at specific staff but just that care can be denied like that.

Would you burst into an operating theatre for a heart transplant and demand that the doctors stop what they were doing and deal with your chest pains? It's the same thing - the doctor who you think had an attitude should have been caring for other children, who are every bit as important as your DD, why should she get priority over them? You had taken her, and a nurse away from their patients and potentially delayed essential treatments.

I hope you have the grace to apologise for your behaviour when you go back to the ward for the follow up appointment.

RedbinDippers · 20/01/2010 22:55

(why could I see 2 beds parked in the coridoor then?!).

Because the quack meant a staffed bed on a ward. Did the corridor have a nursing station?

RedbinDippers · 20/01/2010 22:59

Sorry this is long but I am so so angry. Am I right in thinking the hospital were useless and unreasonable and the staff would have been responsible if anything had happened to DD?

If you don't like the treatment you get at an NHS hospital go private like we do. Its quite reasonably priced and the treatment is so much better.

differentnameforthis · 20/01/2010 23:11

You should have taken her to the other hospital as instructed!

I am sorry, but in those 20 minutes you waited you could have got to the other hospital, & had her triaged!

Just because they have beds in the corridor, or only 1 person waiting, doesn't mean they aren't busy. They said that the ward was full due to lots of other kiddies with the same bug!

And of course they STILL refused to admit her...they were full up! Just because she needed fluids, doesn't free up a bed!

Quattrocento · 20/01/2010 23:14

Bonkers

Totally and utterly bonkers

I accept that anxiety can explain some forms of bad behaviour

But this takes the

Seriously OP, if I were you, I would go down to the hospital with a massive bunch of flowers and multiple boxes of chocolates and apologise for being rude beyond belief

rasputin · 20/01/2010 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 20/01/2010 23:26

I am with the majority, the hospital was not far away, where is the OP!

pigletmania · 20/01/2010 23:30

If they have no room they have no room, what are they supposed to do, chuck somebody out of a bed to accomodate your dd. Yes there were two beds, but probably not the staff to be able to staff it properly.

BelaLugosiNoir · 20/01/2010 23:43

I appreciate the OP has said SIABitU. And hope your DC is on the mend.

I wonder how it made the staff on the ward feel to have to explain why they couldn't admit the child; particularly when an admission had been arranged elsewhere. I suspect an already stressful shift will have been not much improved by the encounter. [yes am NHS staff]

MadamDeathstare · 21/01/2010 00:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GothAnneGeddes · 21/01/2010 01:26

You have admitted that YABU. Good.

However:

"No, I wasn't rude or shouty at the staff, very assertive yes but not aggressive at all."

Aaargh! This 'assertiveness' just eats into the time of staff who are already busy. Your assertiveness meant less time for the patients already admitted, who were probably a lot sicker than your dd. You are taking staff away from caring for patients who need them.

As for those singing the praises of the private sector, be careful folks. No private hospital has the emergency provision that any NHS hospital has. If you want quicker tests fine, but I would not wish to have any surgery at a private hospital.

BlackLetterDay · 21/01/2010 02:23

Obviously yabu, this is quite topical as I have been to A&E today with ds1. We were there a total of 2.5 hours which I found reasonable, he had trapped his finger in a door and I thought it was broken (it wasn't).

There were lots of people who were seen before us, but I understood, it's about prioritisation. I observed that the doctors and nurses seemed to be standing about chatting a lot, but I'm sure that they were taking care of the most serious cases.

We had this when ds2 was ill, he was 17 days old and seen straight away and lumbar puncture etc performed asap, see priortisation. I'n sure if the doctors concerned felt that your dd needed treatment asap thay would have pulled out the stops, they don't let you wait/delay treatment for fun.

You were obviously daft going to the full ward but I can understand, it's just terrible feeling that your child is ill and no-one is taking notice, but sometimes you have to admit that dr's do know better than you.

gtamom · 21/01/2010 03:03

YABU
Next time go to the hospital you are directed to go to.

WhatNoLunchBreak · 21/01/2010 08:11

YABU. If you had followed your GP's instructions, your daughter would have been on a drip a lot sooner.

abride · 21/01/2010 08:55

I too have made bad decisions when I was very worried about a child.

Anxiety can make us act unrationally.

Glad you came back, OP!

junglist1 · 21/01/2010 09:04

I can see how it happened TBH when our children are ill there's a sense of expectation that professionals are our knights in shining armour. You tried your luck (at the hospital and on AIBU ) and had no joy. Hope your DD is better.

Northernlurker · 21/01/2010 09:09

Redbin 'If you don't like the treatment you get at an NHS hospital go private like we do. Its quite reasonably priced and the treatment is so much better. '

That's what they want you to think! Typically the cost of many tests and interventions done on a private basis would be many times the cost charged by the NHS to your PCT. That's not 'reasonable pricing' in my book! If you want to spend your money in that way, that's fine but you aren't getting better treatment. Better food almost certainly but that's about it.

Op - you know you were unreasonable - bloody annoying actually . Hope your dd is better and you have her back bouncing around very soon.

radstar · 21/01/2010 09:31

yabu - and any delay in your child getting treatment was your fault! you should have gone to the hospital where you were guaranteed a bed another 15 minute drive is nothing if she was going to been seen and sorted out straight away! I can imagine that time would have been wasted at the first place parking the car and getting to the ward in the first hospital never mind arguing your case etc.

I am sorry your child is ill (and hope she is better soon) but you were foolish in the extreme it isn't always apparent to people when a hospital is full but you can be assured they weren't fobbing you off.

Paolosgirl · 21/01/2010 09:34

Agree Northern. The frills that you get with private care are lovely, and I certainly got my appointment a lot quicker - but 'better'? Nope - a lot of consultants move between the NHS and private practice, so you end up seeing the same people anyway. Ignore the stirrer and her big spoon.

princessparty · 21/01/2010 09:39

Yabu about going to a ward you knew was closed and giving the staff a hard time
But also you were unreasonable to send her to the CMs when she had been unwell all weekend.the strain of that is probably what started her illness off again after it had settled

kerstina · 21/01/2010 09:40

I am glad your daughter is better but i do feel sorry for the childminder .Hope she has not caught the bug too.
These sickness bugs spread like wildfire but i do wish people would be less selfish and more sensible. If she had only just stopped being sick on the sunday surely you would let her recouperate on the monday.

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 21/01/2010 10:14

och, the poor woman. she's acknowledged that she made a mistake, she was just worried about her daughter.