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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be appalled at the 'treatment' my daughter received at the hosptal?

193 replies

Katecat · 20/01/2010 19:04

First AIBU but happy to hear all opinions.

DD (2.4) has had a horrible vomiting/diarrhoea bug since Friday. We'd been keeping on top of things by pushing fluids and lots of rest and she seemed ok by Sunday pm just a bit tired so I took her to the childminder on Monday morning as normal (I know but she really seemed better, loves her CM, no other children there and CM was happy to have her). CM called Monday lunchtime to say DD was unwell again,lots of vomiting.

Anyway, eventually got her to see GP around 4pm, by this time she was very pale and lethargic but had stopped vomiting - nothing left to vomit [] and the GP wanted the paeds at the hospital to see her. He rang Children's ward and was told they were really busy, lots of other children with the same bug, and to refer us to the other hospital (about 15 minutes longer drive for us) A&E department. I wasn't happy with this, it isn't a children's A&E and I can't beleive they're allowed to refuse to see a sick child? As DD clearly needed to be seen I decided to try my luck and go straight to the busy Children's ward anyway. On arrival (had to carry DD by this point) I handed my Gp's letter to the Paed who said they had not received a call and wouldn't be able to see us, I had to go to the other hospital. By this point I was very worried about DD and absolutely livid that they refused to see her even though she was clealy unwell and demanded to see the person in charge. Nurse came along and told me no way we could be seen, go to other hospital etc. There was only one other family waiting, how can they claim they're too busy? After 20 minutes of me refusing to move, Dr came back and said she would have a 'quick look' at DD but if she needed admisission there were no spare beds (why could I see 2 beds parked in the coridoor then?!). So, she decided that DD needed intravenous fluids to rehydrate her yet STILL refused to admit us and I was forced to drive my sick child to the further hospital where she was thankfully admitted quickly and got the fluid she needed (the trauma of that is another AIBU itself )and is no on the mend although still on the ward.

Sorry this is long but I am so so angry. Am I right in thinking the hospital were useless and unreasonable and the staff would have been responsible if anything had happened to DD?

OP posts:
compo · 20/01/2010 20:37

aw you sound nice and people on here are just rude

AnyFucker · 20/01/2010 20:38

here we go...

StarExpat · 20/01/2010 20:40

sorry, posted early
but I do hear you- when your child is very ill and you just want to be seen all sense of logic just seems to go out the window. I can understand why you were upset about it.

StrictlyKatty · 20/01/2010 20:43

I'd be too scared to take DS to a hospital they'd told me wouldn't take him unless I wasted too much time taking him there, having the argument about it, then going to the other hospital anyway.

If they are full they are full. I know people panic when it comes to their babies, I have!, but the GP new the score and tried to help. It was noones fault but the OP's that her DD wasn't seen sooner.

I hope her DD gets well soon

whizzmum · 20/01/2010 20:44

Regardless of whether or not yabu, I'm not sure that you are, you did what you thought was for the best at the time, rightly or wrongly, and no-one can blame you for that. Just wanted to say that I hope your DD is a lot better and wish her a speedy recovery. By the way, some posters on here get rather personal and aggressive, the OP asked for opinions - some of the words used are totally unnecessary.

youwillnotwin · 20/01/2010 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 20/01/2010 20:46

oh well, lesson learned, i'm glad she was okay. but yes, very silly to assume that an a&e would close to sick kids just for kicks and thrills.

Lulumama · 20/01/2010 20:46

i do think refusing to leave for 20 minutes is aggresive, but kudos to you for coming back and taking it on the chin

i think being deranged with worry can make you make silly choices, but it does not mean you can blame any one else for them!

TeaOneSugar · 20/01/2010 20:51

The NHS can never do enough for some people

Sidge · 20/01/2010 20:53

You were being completely unreasonable and your behaviour potentially not only affected your daughter but the care received by other children on that ward.

If they tell you in advance they are busy and are closed to admissions then what on earth makes you think you know better than the staff that work on that ward?

I can sympathise that you must have been really worried about your DD and I'm glad she's on the mend but medics don't refuse admissions so they can sit around watching telly and drinking coffee you know

Sassybeast · 20/01/2010 20:53

I think you've sort of got the message Glad DD is ok. BTW, an ST3 has completed 2 years of core training post quaification and will be on their third year of specialist training, so 5 years post qualification - I would assume that she was well placed to make an assessment of your DD as she presented at the time.

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 20/01/2010 20:59

I trained as a paeds nurse, I've worked in childrens wards where there was 2 nurses caring for 20+ babies/toddlers, I barly had breaks for lunch because we were too busy. The beds are left outside the ward because there's no space for them on the ward, not because there's a load of empty beds. They were too busy, you were told that they were too busy, you were given alternative arrangements that you decided to ignore. Yes, you were concerned about your child but so were all the other parents. The staff care about each child, they would not have told you to try the other hospital unless it was absolutely necessary and you were out of order ranting and raving at them. They do a great job with little staff, if you were in a less developed country you would have had to travel for many miles to access healthcare with no guarantee that there's treatment at the end of it. Be thankful for what we have, it's not perfect, we need more staff but it's better then some countries where children and babies die from dehydration every day because they have no adequate health system.

To be honest, I wouldn't have sent my child to a childminder if they had been vomiting all weekend, whether they seemed a little better on Sunday night or not. The general rule is no vomiting for 24 hours.

AnyFucker · 20/01/2010 21:09

Op has said she was BU (grudgingly, it has to be said....)

although I agree with every word you typed belle and identify with it

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 20/01/2010 21:13
Wink
memoo · 20/01/2010 21:30

My sister is a nurse, although has just emigrated to oz because she hated the job so much over here, mainly because of the level of abuse she received

She use to come home in tears some nights because of the way she had been treated by some patients.

IsItMeOr · 20/01/2010 21:37

I for one am impressed that the OP came back and acknowledged she hadn't made the best decision.

Glad to hear DD is getting better .

Just a couple of points from your update though. You are still talking about care being denied. It wasn't - your DD is being treated in an NHS hospital, which is what we are entitled to.

You also say that they may have been "busy behind the scenes although that didn't appear to be the case from what I saw". Would you think it would be good for ill children to be treated in an obviously stressed out/panicked atmosphere? Or do we think that the over-stretched staff were probably doing their utmost to keep a calm environment to help the children feel better?

This reminded me of when DH and I went to the hospital for DS to be born and one of us (think it was me ) was surprised that there weren't doctors/nurses/orderlies rushing everywhere a la ER.

AnyFucker · 20/01/2010 21:39

yup, it soooooo ain't like wot you see on the telly...

Casualty and Holby City have a lot to answer for !

MadamDeathstare · 20/01/2010 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IsItMeOr · 20/01/2010 21:47

I know! I confess, I half expected an orderly to appear with a wheelchair to whisk me to the delivery suite before we had done the tour. I mentioned this to the lovely lady who gave me massages before and during my pg, and she laughed and said I'd be walking. And so I was - through seemingly miles of (deserted) corridors.

OrmRenewed · 20/01/2010 21:50

THis is a joke right?

OrmRenewed · 20/01/2010 21:52

Oops! Too late to the party

Hurrah for OP!

Glad she's feeling better.

scottishmummy · 20/01/2010 21:53

sorry your dd as ill.what a worry

but,you received an Ax,were given instruction to go to specific hosp.you decided to ignore this advice and "decided to try my luck and go straight to the busy Children's ward anyway".unsurprisingly paeds ward full (probably why you were referred else where)

you ignored specific advice,delayed treatment and caused your self a lot of hassle to end up at same hosp

staff not responsible for you purposefully ignoring advice.acting against medical advice was your choice.they had allocated you a treatment centre.you chose an alternative site and drive

MavisEnderby · 20/01/2010 22:04

YABVU.

you ignored advice and took sick dd to a childrens ward.?
Then gave the busy staff grief.?

Beds are often left in corridors for a variety of reasons.A corridor isn't a room.If they said they were full they were.

On top of this you could easily have caused her d+v to be passed around the ward causing sickness for staff and more seriously ill children by going onto the ward.

Hope your dd is on the mend

herladyshiplovesedward · 20/01/2010 22:18

have only read OP but yes, YABU..

you took a child with an infectious illness onto a ward that was already full to bursting and acted in the face of medical advice because you wanted to 'try your luck'

and now you feel aggreived because this ward could not deliver a satisfactory service to your dd..

Jimmychasesducks · 20/01/2010 22:26

yabu
it isn't only about beds, but staff as well.
hope your dd is ok