about my husband giving a girl a lift to work, I ma being unresonable but can't help it!

[alfiesmadmother]

Talk some sense into me!

I had a baby a couple of weeks ago (important bit!), my 4th.

Found out this morning that this week DH is giving a girl a lift to and from work. I have no doubt this is a lift and only a lift! But he forgot to tell me. He has been setting off ten mins early and arriving home ten minutes late (because of traffic, of course). To make things worse it is MY car he is going in as his is in the garage. Also she texted him for a lift- why has she got his number? And he has never mentioned her before. aND HE ALWAYS RINGS ME WHEN LEAVING WORK to chat and hasn't this week as he has been talking to her in the car. And to ask for a lift surely they must get on well>

His explanation- sorry I feel anrgy, I thought I told you, can't I give someone a lift, I won't give anyone a lift again. The end.

My response I HAVE JUST HAD A BABY, SHOW ME SOME RESPECT, I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!

So after dropping the kids of at school I have howled into my new baby and am still howling now and I would normaly have fogotton it by now but I am still angry.

Can anyone help.

Why don't some of you just put electronic tags on your husbands and have done with it?

"But I still can't see how he forgot to mention giving her a lift, it's a big and important part of the day"

Eh? No it isn't.

OP get your DP to start making the dinner, btw. He shouldn't expect his tea on the table.

Lol at harlot's 'tell me off for being 10 minutes late, punk'

YANBU. I often used to get lifts to/from work from male colleagues, no problem there.

However, if I thought for one minute he wasn't being upfront about it with his wife or that she felt she was missing out on his help/company at home because of me, I'd be gutted and a bit concerned actually.

I'm sure there's nothing going on at all OP, it must be super hectic for you both right now and it quite possibly did just slip his mind to tell you, but that doesn't mean you're being unreasonable for feeling a bit put out by it, hormonal or not.

Being at home all day means I usually can't wait for my hubby to get home so we can sit down and have a good natter about our day and with a new baby 10 minutes can feel like an hour.

Glad you've got it sorted now

Easily sorted. Stick a transponder up husband's arse and launch a satellite. Then install a real-time tracking system at home. Every time he crosses a set of traffic lights he'll light up like a fruit machine.

Jeezo, there is nothing wrong with giving someone a lift.

It is NO BIG DEAL.

If there are other issues, deal with them but do not act like a
madwoman on account od reasonable behavior.

Blimey. Glad you seem to have it sorted out now OP.

My two observations (after the fact but never mind):

1. Wow - who knew that the word 'girl' had such strong connotations? On this thread she's been called 'some girl', 'some young girl' and 'that girl' as if merely by daring to be female she has already done something nameless to infringe upon the OPs relationship.

We're all 'girls' on here aren't we - it's just our gender, not a statement of intent that we wish to shag other people's husbands.

1. Two hours a day with this 'girl' is a drop in the ocean to the many hours my DP spends with a variety of women at his work (colleagues and clients), many of whom I guess must be young, attractive etc.

Ditto my colleagues - I have some hot male workmates and I get on great with them.

Life would be simply impossible in most relationships surely, if both parties weren't allowed to spend time in the company of members of the opposite sex?

I appreciate the OP had a free pass on account of the hormones but I must admit I'm shocked by some on here who back her up despite not being hormonal themselves.

If you make every 'girl' your enemy then life will be very hard for you.

OP wrote, "And I sat feeding the baby thinking maybe I have postnatal psychosis "

sorry, I think you have had a case of this so-called 'postnatal psychosis' thingy.

Coming home to the 3rd degree and an OH that was actually directing thoughts of, quote "I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!" over something as minor as a lift to and from work (which he readily told you about when asked and has now stopped on your request....) cannot be very nice or welcoming after a long day and commute.

I have been a SAHM and I understand how great it is when DH walks through the door and can offer a bit of relief and conversation. But it does an equally hardworking DH no good to rant at him like a banshee as soon as he steps over the threshold either.

Did she contribute to petrol money ?

When you say "girl" you make it sound as if she is a pupil and he is a teacher. I assume this is a female colleague.

DW gave a male colleague (sorry, a BOY) who didn't drive a lift to work EVERY DAY for five years. Naturally, as soon as she left the house I would fall weeping to the carpet, rifle through her desk, engage the services of a private detective, and check all her timings with a stopwatch. Because they were obviously having an affair. The stuff she told me about the guy being a bit of a twat and an annoying born-again Christian to boot was obviously just made up to put me off the scent. And having someone paying half our daily petrol was not a consideration at all.

Biscuit, ladies. Biscuit.

UQD - and I'll bet you weren't even hormonal either!

I think some of you need this

Funny stuff UQD and Pikelit.

Gosh people are hard on the OP.

I wouldn't have a problem if my Dh gave a women a lift to work.

I would have a problem if I found out he'd been giving a women a lift to work and not mentioned it.

That would seem odd to me, and Ive not just had a baby.

If he once gave someone a lift and forget to mentio it, ok, but if my Dh changed his regular daily schedule I'd expect it to come up in converstaion. (maybe we are dull but that's the kind of stuff we talk about.) What did you do today? chat to anyone inparticular? what you up to tomorrwo etc?

OP I think you're reaction was pretty normal, and glad you've sorted it out, all sounds very innocent but I understand why you'd be upset.

GetOrfMoiLand

Harlot can imagine you are like the Samuel L Jackson character in Pulp Fiction when crossed ("And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you" bang bang etc)

"But I still can't see how he forgot to mention giving her a lift, it's a big and important part of the day"

No, it really isn't.

Maybe it seems so to you because you are at home all day, but I think your perspective on its importance is a little skewed.

MorrisZapp
"Who knew that the word 'girl' had such strong connotations?"

Sorry, that was mostly me and I did not intend to the meaning you inferred at all. I just assume that this is a grown woman and was being a bit snotty about her being referred to as a "girl".

I have been thinking about this a lot recently as my DD (21 mos) likes to talk about who is a man, who is a woman, who is a boy, and who is a girl

The woman in this situation would be entirely blameless, even if the DH had been lying about the lifts, which it appears he wasn't.

wubblybubbly

"However, if I thought for one minute he wasn't being upfront about it with his wife or that she felt she was missing out on his help/company at home because of me, I'd be gutted and a bit concerned actually. "

Totally agree.

kat

"Yeah, if my DH 'stopped me' giving a colleague a lift or anything else innocuous I'd probably say 'sorry, I have to stop X, DH is being difficult about it. I'll deal with that myself but for now I'd rather not get the hassle'."

I would never, ever say to a colleague that my DH was being difficult, or causing me hassle.

If I agreed to stop giving someone a lift because he was uncomfortable with it (which is almost impossible to imagine, because he would never ask and I would never agree ), it would be a big deal and I certainly wouldn't be talking about him in those terms to people he didn't know.

"nancy drew, no he never lied but in a close relationship deceit amounts to worse than a lie, I think.
"

but there was no deceit. the first time you asked him "why the rush" he responded immediately and honestly "oh I'm giving x a lift to work".
And as for the drive to and from work being a big part of the day, it's possibly the least important part of the day, it's something you do to get somewhere to do something else.

Everyone I work with slags off their wives and husbands - it's what you do at work isn't it? It's affectionate but it's part of office banter to take the piss out of your partner

Nah, LadyB - would never slag off DP at work. And I would get all harlot on his ass if I knew he was slagging me off as well.

GetOrfMoiLand

I SO am.....

Oh this has made me laugh. I would love to be able to see my own face if DH questioned where I'd been when I was 10 minutes late. I suspect it may be puce

I'm still LOL at people who think that giving someone a lift to work is a big important part of the day.

It would never occur to me to tell DH I was giving a colleague a lift to work. He would never wonder why I was ten minutes later home - but assume I had something that held me up. If DH saw fit to inform me has was picking a colleague up on the way to work I'd be and wonder why he told me.

I don't mean serious comments but there's loads of 'no I can't come out for drinks tonight because my wife has spent all my beer money on a new Boden coat' and 'she who must be obeyed is telling me I can't give you lifts any more' type conversations. I work in a very male dominated profession and it's rife. I don't particularly like it but it's what happens.

Keep it up!

Oh, I see what you mean LadyB. To be honest loads of the chaps here are the same, but I am pretty formidable (not quite to Harlot standards ) so they probably know not to bang on about 'er indoors to me becauae they will get the rolled eyes etc.

Christ I sound like a miserable old caa i'm not really

"'no I can't come out for drinks tonight because my wife has spent all my beer money on a new Boden coat' and 'she who must be obeyed is telling me I can't give you lifts any more' type conversations"

Not really surprising when so many women are like so many of the women on this thread. Trip over to the relationships thread and it's the direct opposite if the shoe is on the other foot "bastard how dare he ask you what you were doing/who you were with/what you spent that money on" etc.