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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A weighty issue, sorry.

340 replies

namechangedwithgoodreason · 16/01/2010 00:14

I have namechanged, because I am quite sure I am going to get a pasting for this, but I have to get some opinions on this situation, so please be honest with me.

My mother is a very large lady. Her weight causes her alot of health problems (her Dr has stressed the importance of losing weight to her for years)
My DH's best mate is also a very large man, although no known health problems there.

I honestly don't give a monkeys arse if they eat too much and exercise too little, because they like to live that way. It does not bother me in the slightest. I have to stress this, before you all flame me.
I do object to my mother volunteering to tell me a whole load of lies about what she eats every day and then bemoans the fact she has not lost weight. (My brother still lives at home and sees the portions my mother eats, and his story is different. Also, when my mother was hospitalised for sleep apnea (sp), she lost alot of weight very very quickly.)

I have told my mother it is her business what she eats and when, I am not bothered, but she still feels a need to lie totell me in minute detail every last morsel she claims to have eaten every day.

What does worry me though, and this is where people will be most annoyed at me I think, is when DH best mate or my mother come to my house, or when I give either of them a lift anywhere.

My car is 4 years old and it groans when either of them get in it. (I have never had them both in it at the same time)
Neither of them can get the seat belt around themselves easily, and I always sit them in the front, but they spill over onto my handbrake a little.

I always find my car veers to the left after giving either of them a lift, and my tyre pressure is always 'down' afterwards.

In my house, neither will sit on my kitchen chairs, because one of the chairs collapsed on DH's mate one evening.

My sofa has been broken today by mother pushing on the arm to get herself up, and we both heard a loud crack.
This is the 2nd sofa my mother has broken.

My other brother lives with his DW and 3DC, and he has had chairs collapse, and we have both had toilet seats broken more times than we care to remember. My mother's 2 year old divan bed has now collapsed in the middle, and she is probably going to buy a iron framed bed and mattress.

I know you will probably all say I am being nasty, but what weight is the average sofa/car/kitchen table/bed designed for?

My DB thinks cars especially are designed to carry quite alot of weight.

My mother's car never groans, and she is convinced my car is probably ready for the knackers yard because of the noises it makes when she gets in.

Of course, I have not told my mother my car doesn't make noises like that all the time, nor have I mentioned that I think it is her weight that is causing her bed to collapse, or my sofa to break, but please please tell me, for my own peace of mind, how big would someone have to be before you were a little concerned about them being in your car or sitting on your sofa.

FWIW, DH best mate is proud to say he is 37st 4lb, and my mother says the last time she was weighed at the Dr, she was 26st 8lb.

Please share your thoughts with me, while I run and take cover hide

OP posts:
Mermaidspam · 16/01/2010 23:25

Hell yes I do!

Lost a man in my cleavage once, must remember to send search and rescue......

mummysgoingmad · 16/01/2010 23:25

Oh sorry i thought
this was a forum where people could express their opinoins..maybe not eh? I have been waiting ages for this kind of thread to come up eh..no its not like i was sitting rubbing my hands when i saw this thread ffs!! Maybe my opinion doesn't conform to the masses but i'm not going to change it! Fruitysunshine - Ignorant, ill-informed, shallow, insensitive, judgemental, inflammatory and unkind are just some of the words I would use to describe your post. Perhaps they would be more descriptive of you as a person?
My response??
Note: Please bear in mind that this topic encourages posters to give their opinions - i.e. they might disagree with you. That said, in line with our Talk policy elsewhere, we don't allow personal attacks no matter how unreasonable you think someone is. Do report any you see. Thanks,
If your words are not a personal attack then i dont know what is?

BoysAreLikeDogs · 16/01/2010 23:30

urgh that's a horrid post

Mermaidspam · 16/01/2010 23:32

Maybe someone with such hateful opinions should think twice before posting them on a public forum?

Did you not think what impact your words could have on someone who is overweight?

TheFallenMadonna · 16/01/2010 23:32

You can express your opinion, and other people can express their opinion on that opinion. Which is what they are doing. And if you are drawing people's attention to MN rules of engagment, I;d draw your attention to their policy on personal attacks. And I think that last post crosses the line.

tethersend · 16/01/2010 23:32

Yay! You're back, mummysgoingmad.

"i thought
this was a forum where people could express their opinoins[sic]"

Did you think that meant that those opinions would not be challenged?

I do think more of you for coming back to defend your position, but I look forward to hearing something a bit more that the Jeremy-Kyle-standard-level "It's my opinion"...

Alambil · 16/01/2010 23:32

mgm are you quite mad?

how is

"Fruitysunshine - Ignorant, ill-informed, shallow, insensitive, judgemental, inflammatory and unkind are just some of the words I would use to describe your post. Perhaps they would be more descriptive of you as a person?"

THAT not a personal attack? from you, I believe

ffs

gemmiegoatlegs · 16/01/2010 23:34

Mummysgoing mad, you remind me of one of those awful people who shout "Go on then, jump" at people contemplating suicide

Armi · 16/01/2010 23:34

Perhaps fruitysunshine could rephrase their post, mummysgoingmad, so it reads 'people who post such remarks are ignorant, ill-informed, shallow, insenstive, judgemental, inflammatory and unkind'....just to be on an even footing with your post which condemned a vast percentage of the population as morally and physically disgusting. Clearly some people have taken your remarks as a personal attack, although clearly you just meant to be kind.

Some of us are fatties...but cheer up - at least you can't see us so we're not putting you off your celery.

mummysgoingmad · 16/01/2010 23:46

Hi tethersend! I had to surgically remove my dp from the computer to get on.

People who are a little overweight dont bother me, each to their own n all that jazz but When they become morbidly obease then yes i do find it disgusting! I mean you watch these shows like supersize vs super skinny and i think, you greedy lazy git! you want to lose weight. eat less move more..simples!! These people are costing the nhs a small fortune due to the health risks associated with obeasity.

mummysgoingmad · 16/01/2010 23:47

gemmiegoatlegs not funny, i tried to commit suicide a long time ago! That was before the lights of my like showed up (dp and ds)

Mermaidspam · 16/01/2010 23:49

I wonder how much hate you can have for something you can't spell

BoysAreLikeDogs · 16/01/2010 23:50

yikes

mummysgoingmad · 16/01/2010 23:52

sorry in a hurry ds crying, he's got a tummy bug, poor thing

Alambil · 16/01/2010 23:52

I am morbidly obease (sic). I can lose weight.

Bigots will always be thus.

I know which I'd rather be.

Armi · 16/01/2010 23:53

'I mean you watch these shows like supersize vs super skinny and i think, you greedy lazy git'

Well...this is what happens when you watch trashy tabloid television. I'm quite surprised that someone could form such a strong opinion about a swathe of the population from watching TV but then, we can't all be sensible and well informed, can we? Just as we can't all be thin and lovely like you are, my dear.

Armi · 16/01/2010 23:54

'sorry in a hurry ds crying, he's got a tummy bug, poor thing '

See? That's what happens if you feed a child. Avoid food. I would.

(Hope he's ok.)

mummysgoingmad · 16/01/2010 23:55

This thread is called am i being unreasonable i and think being that big is, its not as if this has been posted on the Big / slim / whatever weight loss club and calling them all fat gits!

tethersend · 16/01/2010 23:55

mummysgoingmad- have you had any contact with morbidly obese people other than watching supersize vs superskinny?

You know that programme is not necessarily an accurate reflection of the complexities of eating disorders, right?

Right?

Mermaidspam · 16/01/2010 23:55

I think all men with tattoos have children to different women. Oh...no...hang on a minute, I'm getting my opinions confused with Jeremy Kyle again.

Go Lewisfan.

Alambil · 16/01/2010 23:55

thank fuck

Alambil · 16/01/2010 23:56

oops x posted - that was to mgm!

tethersend · 16/01/2010 23:56

On AIBU, some posters might disagree with you too, you know...

Armi · 16/01/2010 23:57

I'm a fat git - nothing worthy of tabloid telly, regrettably, as I believe there's money to be made there - but I have a bit of a hunch that my social skills are better developed than some skinny folk. Why don't you pop yourself over to that particular section of the forum...after all, if you're willing to say it over here you should be willing to say it over there.

mummysgoingmad · 16/01/2010 23:58

ah but theres a difference armi, i wouldn't feed ds that much to the point that he breaks furniture and makes the car groan, plus he exercises by wrecking my house at every oppertunity (he's 13 months)

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