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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A weighty issue, sorry.

340 replies

namechangedwithgoodreason · 16/01/2010 00:14

I have namechanged, because I am quite sure I am going to get a pasting for this, but I have to get some opinions on this situation, so please be honest with me.

My mother is a very large lady. Her weight causes her alot of health problems (her Dr has stressed the importance of losing weight to her for years)
My DH's best mate is also a very large man, although no known health problems there.

I honestly don't give a monkeys arse if they eat too much and exercise too little, because they like to live that way. It does not bother me in the slightest. I have to stress this, before you all flame me.
I do object to my mother volunteering to tell me a whole load of lies about what she eats every day and then bemoans the fact she has not lost weight. (My brother still lives at home and sees the portions my mother eats, and his story is different. Also, when my mother was hospitalised for sleep apnea (sp), she lost alot of weight very very quickly.)

I have told my mother it is her business what she eats and when, I am not bothered, but she still feels a need to lie totell me in minute detail every last morsel she claims to have eaten every day.

What does worry me though, and this is where people will be most annoyed at me I think, is when DH best mate or my mother come to my house, or when I give either of them a lift anywhere.

My car is 4 years old and it groans when either of them get in it. (I have never had them both in it at the same time)
Neither of them can get the seat belt around themselves easily, and I always sit them in the front, but they spill over onto my handbrake a little.

I always find my car veers to the left after giving either of them a lift, and my tyre pressure is always 'down' afterwards.

In my house, neither will sit on my kitchen chairs, because one of the chairs collapsed on DH's mate one evening.

My sofa has been broken today by mother pushing on the arm to get herself up, and we both heard a loud crack.
This is the 2nd sofa my mother has broken.

My other brother lives with his DW and 3DC, and he has had chairs collapse, and we have both had toilet seats broken more times than we care to remember. My mother's 2 year old divan bed has now collapsed in the middle, and she is probably going to buy a iron framed bed and mattress.

I know you will probably all say I am being nasty, but what weight is the average sofa/car/kitchen table/bed designed for?

My DB thinks cars especially are designed to carry quite alot of weight.

My mother's car never groans, and she is convinced my car is probably ready for the knackers yard because of the noises it makes when she gets in.

Of course, I have not told my mother my car doesn't make noises like that all the time, nor have I mentioned that I think it is her weight that is causing her bed to collapse, or my sofa to break, but please please tell me, for my own peace of mind, how big would someone have to be before you were a little concerned about them being in your car or sitting on your sofa.

FWIW, DH best mate is proud to say he is 37st 4lb, and my mother says the last time she was weighed at the Dr, she was 26st 8lb.

Please share your thoughts with me, while I run and take cover hide

OP posts:
Alambil · 16/01/2010 19:15

Dontpanic was upset - she wasn't mean (or am I reading that wrong)

thesecondcoming · 16/01/2010 19:17

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Alambil · 16/01/2010 19:17

Riven, if you don't go into all the hypnosis stuff, Allen Carr (not the comedian!) has a similar outlook / therapy style

heQet · 16/01/2010 19:21

I don't believe I said that all overweight people are ill. I believe I said that eating yourself to death - literally death is a mental health problem / eating disorder.

what was it op said? 37 stone for the man, 26 or more for the woman? That isn't just overweight, isn't merely obese, it is a death wish.

And because the thread was about people at that stage / in that frame of mind, I think it is important that the difference between eating too much, loving your grub, being a greedy so and so etc etc and actually killing yourself because there is something psychologically wrong with you, is made clear.

And there wasn't just one person who felt it was disgusting / their own fault / greed - there are many on this thread who have expressed the same attitude.

I just feel that it should be understood that there is a difference between greedy & overweight and eating yourself to death just like there is a difference between watching your weight & liking to be thin and being anorexic.

sarah293 · 16/01/2010 19:23

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thesecondcoming · 16/01/2010 19:26

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Alambil · 16/01/2010 19:28

I think she's the last poster we need contributing really! Unless she's gonna be nice; too much damage already done!

sarah293 · 16/01/2010 19:28

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Flightattendant · 16/01/2010 19:32

My mistake, Riven thanks for pointing that out, Dontpanic I'm really sorry...I was thinking of someone else, not you.

Flightattendant · 16/01/2010 19:32

Lewis, I mean...

Why can't I get anyones name right tonight!

Flightattendant · 16/01/2010 19:33

It was another multiple word ID, theromanceofitall

again, sorry

bruxeur · 16/01/2010 19:34

I'm a bit confused here.

Are we saying that no-one can be lazy or greedy?

Or just normal sized people?

So if you make a bit of a piggy of yourself over Christmas with the pies and cakes, forget the gym and drive to work you can be called lazy and greedy...

...but if you do that for the next year or two and get north of 20st, then you have a troubling psychological disease, and need help, not giggles?

heQet · 16/01/2010 19:41

I can't speak for anyone else, but the message that I am trying to hammer into some people here is that if, for example, someone eats compulsively despite being told that they will be dead in six months if they don't stop, and they don't care because it hurts more to stop eating than it does to die, that they have a psychological problem and need help.

Their need to eat matters more than the fact that they are going to DIE SOON. They are HAPPY TO DIE rather than stop eating.

In what world is that not a psychological problem?

moondog · 16/01/2010 19:41

'I don't know if it is all GPs but in our area your Dr can refer you to Slimming World and you get vouchers (from your GP)so that you get membership and a whole bunch of sessions free (for someone who mentioned the problem of costs on another post)'

Oh great. So someone runnig a private ocmpany gets even richer due to NHS referrals. Slimming World meet just before the exercise classes I go to take place (nonoe of them come to those funnily enough) and when I look in, all I see is expensive branded diet food, which is criminal.

I really wonder what peopel who are 20 or more stone eat in a day. It must be a hell of a lot to maintIN THAT WEIGHT.

bruxeur · 16/01/2010 19:42

I think you are being wilfully obtuse.

TheBossofMe · 16/01/2010 19:46

You're right - where is Anna??? She always has something to say on a thread like this. Grrr - jealous that she obviously has better things to do this Sat evening!

Alambil · 16/01/2010 19:53

I am 20 stone or more

Yesterday was a typical eating day for me.

I ate

Nothing until 1pm

Then I had a hot cross bun with a little flora light

Then at about 2pm I had a ham sandwich (white bread) - 2 slices

Then I had a glass of diet coke (caff free) at about 2.30pm

Then I did the school run, had nothing to eat and did DS his dinner

Then I had another glass of diet coke (normal caff this time)

Then at around 9pm I had a Dr oetker mozzarella pizza followed by a packet of maltesers

and a can of diet coke

Then I went to bed at 3am

..... none of that day is healthy or good for me - the food, the times and therefore I "maintain" at the weight I am

sarah293 · 16/01/2010 19:55

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bruxeur · 16/01/2010 19:58

What's the cut-off?

sarah293 · 16/01/2010 19:58

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sarah293 · 16/01/2010 19:59

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BrahmsThirdRacket · 16/01/2010 20:00

Lewis, I am surprised by that. It's not an excessive amount of calories considering your weight. (sorry, don't mean to be rude and I'm not doubting you!)

I really think that genetics play a big part in how much weight you put on and at what time in your life. I have a friend who is about 3 st more than me (still a healthy weight) and I don't believe she eats a proportionately more amount of food

tethersend · 16/01/2010 20:02

"...but if you do that for the next year or two and get north of 20st, then you have a troubling psychological disease, and need help, not giggles?"

Who 'giggles'?

Oh, and moondog, although we're coming from opposing viewpoints, I completely agree with you about Slimming world et al- they in particular are responsible for the idea that foods are 'good' or 'bad', and that you have been 'naughty' if you've eaten a cake. It's belittling IMO.

Flightattendant · 16/01/2010 20:04

Who#s being obtuse?

Bruxeur, turn it around...say you stop eating for a week or live on cabbage soup to get into that little frock for someone's party...you were losing weight because you were 'on a diet'.

Say someone continues over the next couple of years and ends up being 5 stone...do they then have a psychological problem?

I just don't gET how people are unable to see the difference when it's a matter of overeating rather than undereating.

sarah293 · 16/01/2010 20:04

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