To say no, not again to MIL's care home

[Flower3554]

MIL has been in a care home since October last year. She has dementia, has no recollection of who anyone is anymore, it's so sad.

Anyway, since she was admitted they have mislaid her clothes on numerous occasions despite me putting name tags in everything after the second time they said we cant find any of her clothes.

In November in answer to another request from them I took over a bulging carrier bag of toiletries, faceclothes sponges, bubble bath shampoo, you name it, it was included.

At Christmas our family bought her gift sets of bath stuff and clothes.

Phone call today tells me she has no clothes again oh and by the way she has no toiletries.

Now unless they are bathing her a dozen times a day there's no way they could have gone through all the Christmas stuff.

She has a basic state pension which pays for the home and a personal allowance of £22 pounds weekly. This is supposed to cover all clothes toiletries hair appointments in the care home etc etc.

Dh lost his job just before Christmas and we are struggling ourselves financially so AIBU to say sorry no more

personally i'd ask where alll the other stuff is

I'd be having a word/writing a stiffly worded letter to manager.

we once visited grandma & she didn't have her teeth...you guessed it, someone else was wearing them. if it wasn't so grim it'd be funny

YANBU . I would want to know where all of her possesions have gone and expect them to find them. Either someone else is stealing them or they are being used for other patients. Either way they should bloody well know where her things are!

Thats ridiculous, I would be doing more than saying no, I would want to know who the fuck is stealing her stuff, and if they can do that how are they treating her generally!
Doesnt sound like a good one to me!

My gran was in a NH for 3 years with dementia, when she died, they neatly packed all her cleaned ironed clothes for us, I dont think a single thing was missing!

The nurses in my Grandad's care home admitted to my Mum last week that the only reason he still has all of his own (clearly name tagged) clothes is that no one else is his size!!!

Next time you do take anything in, make the manager sign for it! That'll make them take better care of it.

i doubt anyone is stealing them, these places are just understaffed and not good at keeping things organised

you are right to question where all her things are. People do not lose their whole wardrobe on a regular basis.

They need to find who has stolen/misplaced her things not keep asking you for more

But that is outrageous

Surely that cannot be considered an adequate reason and/or excuse -- just that they aren't good at keeping organised? That's nuts.

no it's not, but these staff are paid minimum wage, the places are understaffed and badly managed. As with most things, you have to pick your battles
Sorry - can you tell this comes from experience?

Stealth, what do you call it then????
I can maybe understand clothes getting confused (though they never did at my grans nursing home), but toiletry gift sets?/ what they just accidentallly opened them and used them all at once on all the residents, sorry dont buy it, its stealing in my book!

YY stealth but it is just awful ... I'm not saying the OP should wade in and shout at the minimum-waged individual staff, but surely there needs to be someone she can talk to, whether the manager or the person who employed the manager, who takes responsibility for sorting out cases of possessions being blatantly nicked from helpless residents?

It seems from other posters that this doesn't always happen at every home - it can't be that inevitable surely?

I woked in a few homesmany years ago and do know that a few lesslovely establishments believein plaving everything communally.The only time they would not sdo this was if the family challenged them,many familliesnever even knew.

I should point out I have also worked in lovely aplces I would be happy formy own mum to live,not alllike that

Thanks everyone, was beginning to think I was BU.

What makes the whole thing so annoying is the attitude I'm getting from them, "oh well these things happen" Well they shouldn't happen this often I think!

One of the Christmas presents from DD1 and our grandson was a huge wicker basket of very expensive toiletries. You could barely lift it as it was so heavy and full of gorgeous bath stuff, its gone, basket and all

Someones having a laugh aren't they?

Dh is going over tomorrow and woe betide them, he reckons he wants the police involved.

I'm busy trying to calm him down before he combusts spontaneously

I would certainly have a word with the manager.

In future how about just leaving a couple of weeks worth of stuff. Has she got a lockable drawer?

When my nana was in a nursing home she used to end up with other peoples cardis quite frequently so we used to go down the laundry room and swap for her own clothes.

We really just used to take toiletries in as and when she needed them.

Peachy, can you recommend one in the NE please!!

I agree there are some truly ghaslty homes Luckily as a GP I knew the local ones quite well, and my gran was in the nicest !

OP I think its totally unacceptable, the staff may be on minimum wage but the bloody manager/owner will be raking it in, at £500++/week per resident!

thinking about this.

Stealth I would if I could but worked in Somerset, two inparticular were amazing but I had the misfortune also topass through one that was closed down afterwards by SSD. I didn;t know the ins and outs of what was happening (onoy satyed a week) but what I did see was abd enough,even if not enough alone toclose it.

The great ones though- bloody expensive sadly. As is always the way, but it shouldn't be that decent care homes are only available to those with lots of cash- and by decent I mean humanitarian, really.

sorry, a few badly worded / thought out posts and I appear to be arguing that this is OK . I don't think that in the slightest, this is just something that I feel strongly about. I'll go and hoover upstairs and then post a bit more carefully

YANBU, but I would personally be more concerned about the standard of care she is receiving than the £££ of replacing the clothes and toiletries - what a shambles. Getting a few cardigans mixed up is not the same as a lady ending up losing the whole of 2 wardrobes of clothing - does she now have nothing to wear?? Hope you manage to find a better home for her soon.

'I'm busy trying to calm him down before he combusts spontaneously'

I wouldn't tbh (calm him down I mean)

why should it be accepted that people nick from OAPs in a home? If they were in their own home there'd be a huge outcry.

About time care home management (and it isalrgely them causing these things) satrted to get their act together tbh.

I'm afraid my guess it that her lovely toiletries will now be in the homes of one or more of the staff.

It isn't right, but if you were wiping bums, and dribble on the minimum wage, wouldn't you be tempted by a bottle of nice bubble bath, especially if Mrs x won't notice it has gone?

You certainly need to talk to the nursing home manager about these issues, and go higher if necessary.

Clumsy - I think your post is a bit er clumsy.

You seem to be under the impression that low paid workers are possibly thieves which I find insulting.