To say no, not again to MIL's care home

[Flower3554]

MIL has been in a care home since October last year. She has dementia, has no recollection of who anyone is anymore, it's so sad.

Anyway, since she was admitted they have mislaid her clothes on numerous occasions despite me putting name tags in everything after the second time they said we cant find any of her clothes.

In November in answer to another request from them I took over a bulging carrier bag of toiletries, faceclothes sponges, bubble bath shampoo, you name it, it was included.

At Christmas our family bought her gift sets of bath stuff and clothes.

Phone call today tells me she has no clothes again oh and by the way she has no toiletries.

Now unless they are bathing her a dozen times a day there's no way they could have gone through all the Christmas stuff.

She has a basic state pension which pays for the home and a personal allowance of £22 pounds weekly. This is supposed to cover all clothes toiletries hair appointments in the care home etc etc.

Dh lost his job just before Christmas and we are struggling ourselves financially so AIBU to say sorry no more

Second the suggestion for putting her name in thick marker pen on all toiletries - it will make them a lot less attractive to thieves. And giving her distinctive clothes from now on, although that will be harder. But ultimately this should be reported and properly dealt with.

This does happen, I don't think it is acceptable but it isn't unusual either. I would talk to the home and see what they suggest. Sorry.

Update for all who've responded.

Dh is currently at the care home and after demanding to see the manager and visiting MIL's room, as opposed to always seeing her in the day room, it is apparent that her clothes and toiletries are exactly where they should be

The manager of the home is spitting mad with the social worker who is, apparently, now on annual leave until Monday.

I have rang adult services and ranted for 20 minutes and someone ie a duty worker is ringing me back shortly.

A strong complaint against the social worker will be made.

Dh was almost in tears last night at the thought of his mum in "dead peoples clothes" which this social worker said she was having to wear.

While the home has mislaid/lost stuff in the past this is not the case in this instant.

I cannot begin to tell you how angry I am and how foolish I also feel for blaming the care home.

Thanks everyone for your kind support and advice

Have been getting increasingly and on behalf of your poor MIL Flower, and am so relieved to see that all is not lost, and in fact the social worker is a lunatic.

How alarming for all elderly people that this is a good result . Hope the right questions are being asked about this worker and that your MIL gets better checks in future.

bloody idiot - so s/he just hadn't looked then?? i don't really understand what happened.
"Dh was almost in tears last night at the thought of his mum in "dead peoples clothes" which this social worker said she was having to wear."
your poor DH, and MIL

WTF? I get the feeling this will be another social worker who causes distress to people and doesn't have to face up to the consequences. Silly cow.

I hope your MIL, DH and you are okay.

Fab, I think that is a bit unfair and also assumption's, and wide sweeping generalization statement!

I am also confused, how did she know about the "items" going missing and asking for replacements coming about then?

I'm so glad that everything now appears to be where it should be. Could it be that the social workers complaint has made things reappear? Or have they just got people completely mixed up? I hope you get it all sorted out.

Yes, LMH, it might be a sweeping statement iyo but imo plenty of SW say and do things that are to the detriment of others without any consequences.

and what evidence do you have to support this claim?

or are you only going by the wail and the shite!

I have plenty of evidence and no I am not going by anything other than my life. That okay with you?

Why would the SW say those things? I don't get it.

The care home manager, who wasn't there when the social worker visited MIL yesterday told Dh that one of the care workers had spoken to the social worker saying something along the lines of "she has no clothes or toiletries" said social worker then rang me without looking into the matter further.

Care home manager told Dh "just between you and me the social worker is wet behind the ears still"

Personally I think its all a bit pot and kettle, one blaming the other.

Dh says his mums toiletries, all still unopened by the way, were at the back of his mums wardrobe behind something else, so couldn't be seen at a glance IYSWIM

As for her clothes he found it difficult to know where that idea came from as her wardrobe is full.

The duty worker who rang me back has left messages for the team manager about our concerns but she is apparently on leave also!

In the duty workers opinion a review meeting is probably going to be arranged to allow everyone a chance to discuss the matter, thats when everyone is back from leave of course.

how old are you? 2!

no, its not ok, because if you knew the industry thing dont go without consequences!

the mail and shite would like to portray this is the case, but quite simply it is not!

so it looks as if it were mixed messages and passing by comments and all involved were not pro active.

Little Mrs Happy - Eh????

No, I am not 2.

I do know the industry and I do know that things do get done and without consequences.

TheBossOfMe - she has a problem with me, ignore her.

Was supposed to be to FAB x

To me it sounds as if the messaged were passed on from the duty worker to the SW and both were not Pro -active in looking at wardrobe and bathroom. so mixed message and no one being pro active in their job, but just passed the message on to the family, without any due care or attention.

If you know the industry then you would know that they dont go without consequences.
I also know the industry, very very well, in both child and adult care.

Fab - I can see that! Sounds like fun...

You clearly think you know best but you know nothing about me.

I guess you work in the industry.

No I dont know best, you made a very wide sweeping statement and I asked for you to show evidence of this, as apparently ALL SW go without consequences.

you then took the humph.

Why should I show you evidence? WTF has my life got to do with you?

And I DID NOT say ALL social workers, I said another.

You should read things properly before starting on someone.

Good bye.