to not want to be told what to wear to a wedding?

[BibiThree]

Okay, I'm probably going to get shot down in flames for this, but there's something about it that makes me want to go "No! I will not!"
Been invited to a wedding and the bride has put in the invitation that women must
wear hats (not fascinators)
wear skirts/dresses
cover their shoulders in church.
Are all these religious requests? If so, then maybe I can understand if she is v religious, but really, to impose that on your guests?
I don't attend many weddings in church, so don't really know the etiquette or if this is quite a normal request.

And like I say, there's a part of me that thinks I am grown up enough to choose appropriate attire for a wedding without being told what I should wear.

Am I being an arsey mare for no reason?

My first thought to that is 'fuck off!'. That's to the bride, not you.

Covering the shoulders might be religious. Rest is a bit suspect. wear what you like, she's lucky to have you there! But don't wear a fascinator - too too 2009. or 8.

good grief I would never wear a hat(gives me a headache)
strange to set rules like that

It sounds like those are religious requests tbh - what sort of church are they getting married in ?

If it isn't for religious reasons (hers, the churches or their families), then YANBU

Not religious so not sure. Can understand being asked to cover head and shoulders in a very strict church, but I don't see any reason why trousers would be inappropriate.
I've never been given instructions like that and would be quite annoyed.

(That said, for my wedding I did make a request that people NOT wear hats- but it was only informally.)

Headcovering and shoulder covering and no trousers sounds religious - can I ask if you would object if the same stipulations were made for a say Jewish or Muslim wedding?

covering your shoulders is the polite thing in traditional churches with very traditional approaches.

not convinced about the other two though - i think that's just her wanting it to be a very dressy affair and v. traditional.

covering shoulders fair enough (its chilly in churches generally anyhow)

otherwise it is no up to the bride to dictate. i mean is she going to tell you to go home if you show up hatless or in a trouser suit?

btw fascinators are naff

Don't go.

Never had this request. I know RC churches on the continent like shoulders covered but the rest is OTT and bridezillaish. If it was a friend of mine I'd tell her. Sometimes brides get caught up in their wedding and don't realise they are pissing off their friends with controlling behaviour.

Aren't trousers allowed in church? Which churches?

It does sound a little like it could be religious reasons. The covering shoulders part, especially, and some churches, I believe still expect women to have their heads covered.

Where is the wedding taking place? I think I would be very unimpressed with a request like this especially if it was not accompanied by an attempt at explaining the reasons for the request.

Are you sure it's a wedding you've been invited to and not a funeral?

of course it depends on the church

It's just a C of E church as far as I know. I know the groom from uni, so don't really know his bride to be.

If religious, then of course I'll respect her wishes, but if it's just a taste thing then I'm tempted to wear a cowboy hat.

And, we're on a v tight budget this year so buying a hat is out of the question, I'm going to have to borrow ... and on a more vain note, I look terrible in hats.

If it is because the church had a dress code then fine .

But if she's just being a bridezilla then she can piss off.

Very odd & I'd look up the church to see if it's their thing.

Otherwise I'd probably comply for a good mate, but might discover a prior engagement for an acquaintance.

I would have to wear a woolly bobble hat, or maybe one of those ones with flaps over the ears.

But then I am a spiteful bitch. OP probably isn't.

___

well you could carry the hat! and fascinators are ludicrous aren't they?

skirt/dress rule sounds incredibly old fashioned - maybe she wants everybody to really 'dress up' by her standards?

rule about covering shoulders in church does sound religious but not sure which religion (not c of e or catholic as far as I'm aware.)

Maybe some brides take the 'its your day, do it your way' to heart a bit too much.

But would it kill you to go along with her?

I think you should dress up as Calamity Jane. Noone could object to it and the outfit would be fab.

Pardon, i'm not bothered what religion it is if it is a religious request, like I said, i'd respect that. I'm not a religious person myself but am not ignorant of other people's beliefs.
I'm bothered if it's just a bridezilla type request. Not that it matters all that much, we'll go, have a lovely time with friends, see my friend on his special day and it'll be great, just wondering why?
I didn't stipulate anything at my wedding, wouldn't have entered my head to do it.

Cowboy hat sounds fun and she'll have fun slagging you off to all her friends! That will mean you both enjoy the day more! Will you do cowboy skirt and boots too (sorry, don't mean to make it sound like you're going in fancy dress...)

YABU. It is her day so you must all dance to her tune even if it costs you hundreds. The audience guests must look good on the pictures.