to not want to be told what to wear to a wedding?

[BibiThree]

Okay, I'm probably going to get shot down in flames for this, but there's something about it that makes me want to go "No! I will not!"
Been invited to a wedding and the bride has put in the invitation that women must
wear hats (not fascinators)
wear skirts/dresses
cover their shoulders in church.
Are all these religious requests? If so, then maybe I can understand if she is v religious, but really, to impose that on your guests?
I don't attend many weddings in church, so don't really know the etiquette or if this is quite a normal request.

And like I say, there's a part of me that thinks I am grown up enough to choose appropriate attire for a wedding without being told what I should wear.

I'd like to stick up for fascinators - I suffer terribly from hat hair - and love to pretend that I'm a Las Vegas showgirl

OP, Bridezilla appears to have struck. I've known people ask guests to wear a certain colour before, which is just as bonkers. Give it a year and she'll wonder what on earth entered her head

I was brought up in the Western Isles and the Free Presbyterian Church - the Wee Frees! - had rules (or were they guidelines?) like that. Girls wearing trousers were frowned upon, hats in Church was the thing to wear. I think it sounds like a religious thing to me.

Covering the shoulders is not unreasonable, but yes the rest of it is bridezilla and not religious, at least not any religion I have heard of. My DDs have some rather tasteful sparkly hats from Claire's. I would suggest something like that. And a very short skirt.

Tiger

Bridezilla. I. wouldn't. go.

I once got an invitation which stipulated "cocktail dresses". I didn't go.

Also, my head seems to be too big for hats and I never wear skirts or dresses. .

I would suggest this

or this

Her wording is crass. She should request on religious grounds if that's her genuine motivation but if she is just trying to prevent female guests in strapless Coast dresses flashing their tatts, and is trying to up the class-factor then she is being a bridezilla.

In strict(er) Christian churches women can be required to cover their heads, not to have bare shoulders (would be very interested to see the bride's dress then), nor to wear trousers.

My grandfather attended such a church. At his funeral I phoned my aunts to ask do I need to cover my head and wear a hat as was keen not to offend. Was told no, that wasn't necessary. Lo and behold all my aunts and cousins where wearing hats, only me and an aunt who'd come from abroad were the only ones without .

Should say "for his funeral" - I wouldn't phone my aunts at the funeral!

BiBi if it's a "very high" CofE church then I can well imagine it is for religious reasons. High CofE are more "religious" than Catholic churches IYSWIM. I think it could have been worded much better though if that is the reason though.

Have attended a wedding that required black tie and evening wear, no problem, in fact was rather nice to dress up.

Would you say your friend is not very good at the social niceties and has just got the tone wrong? Or is she rather a demanding sort anyway?

Roman catholics used to cover their heads with a mantilla (lacey headscarf thingy), whilst in church.i dont think its compulsory , i remember very old ladies doing it when i was little . sort of religious respect thing.
its a bit outdated now.
your mates a bridezilla!
do what my dh did - he went to a wedding wearing a skull mask! (in his defence , it was on halloween night)

Bridezilla alert! You have to rebel - I recommend a nice strapless top, (perhaps a corset would be stylish for this occasion) a pair of trousers ( I believe hot pink satin drainpipes are de rigeur for weddings just now) and a feather fascinator, to top off the ensemble. I imagine your DH would be most comfortable in his jeans, and your children could wear their peppa pig/bob the builder fancy dress?
Enjoy.

I was bridesmaid for a Catholic friend's wedding, and she was very keen that she as bride and we as bridesmaids didn't have bare shoulders (and I did somewhat agree with her on that one). On the other hand, I'm CoE, and I'd be quite happy to wear trousers or no hat to church. (OK, last week I ran in late wearing my gardening clothes which I then realised had a hole in the crotch of the trousers...)

I think that different church congregations see this kind of thing quite differently - so it might or might not be for religious reasons, or might just be her getting a bit uptight. I think the problem would be that you can't tell until you get there, unless by phoning up the groom and explicitly asking about the rules. If the hats are for religious purposes, a scarf over your head counts, if you'd prefer that. Frankly, in your situation, I'd take a small squashy hat and carry it, and if it was clearly going to be appropriate to put on a hat, I'd pop it on for the church.

Thanks everyone, I'm glad it's not just me that thinks these could be just requests. We will go, that's not in question really, I've spent all evening wondering whether any of my friend have hats (I think not) so may be scouring the charity shops in posh villages for a suitable one.

YANBU you wear what you like, the covering of the bear shoulders is generally a requirement in a Catholic or Orthodox church but the rest is Sounds like the bride being a bit of a bridzilla and trying to control all aspects of the wedding as much as she can, has she told you what kind of underwear to wear then!

We went to a friend's wedding and the invitation said something about morning dress. Being broke, we ignored this and DH wore a (very smart) suit, as did a friend's DH. We all walked into the church together and some elderly gentleman actually said to us "you do know the invitation said morning dress, don't you?" We were but then as another friend who was being an usher proceeded to sit us in the choir so everyone could see that the bridezilla hadn't managed to get everyone to match.

Piglet - I love the thought of bear shoulders. You'd definitely want to cover those!

Tiger - I was thinking teddy-bear epaulettes - they would cover your shoulders

wear slut shoes ! - she hasnt thought of that !

Or wear a cover-up for the church, and then let it all hang out after

"wear hats (not fascinators)"

lol. I have such a huge awkward head that I would need to have mine ordered specially. hell no.

I'd almost want to go just to see this Bridezilla in action.

They do indeed sound similar to Wee Frees (I was also brought up in this church). It's totally unacceptable for females to wear trousers, hats (yuck) must be worn to church, and you should be covered up. Were this the case, I would have certainly expected her to stipulate skirt length.

If religion is the case, she would have done well to tell guests it is for religious reasons. Job done. This way, she sounds thoroughly bridezilla and I'd want to tell her to piss off. Go in a super micro mini bodycon dress, while covering shoulders and wearing hat?!

I wouldn't wear a hat, as I don't do them, and you're right about the expense.

How about something like this instead

it is a link to a brooch, but the model is wearing a flower in her hair which I think is a good compromise, if also steering away from fascinators

Thigh high boots! The finishing touch.....good idea, dr.....

Vivia - this is veering off topic but what is the Wee Frees' objection to trousers? I can understand shoulders, and just about hats (isn't there someting in the Bible about crowning glories and covering them up) but where does the ban on trousers come from?