to not want to be told what to wear to a wedding?

[BibiThree]

Okay, I'm probably going to get shot down in flames for this, but there's something about it that makes me want to go "No! I will not!"
Been invited to a wedding and the bride has put in the invitation that women must
wear hats (not fascinators)
wear skirts/dresses
cover their shoulders in church.
Are all these religious requests? If so, then maybe I can understand if she is v religious, but really, to impose that on your guests?
I don't attend many weddings in church, so don't really know the etiquette or if this is quite a normal request.

And like I say, there's a part of me that thinks I am grown up enough to choose appropriate attire for a wedding without being told what I should wear.

The fact that she is saying hats with a clear specification to avoid fascinators makes me wonder if it is a religious stipulation.

Ask around your friends about the loan of hats mine have been to lots of weddings without me (and a royal garden party)! I have a bit of a collection now having done several years of heavy wedding attendence.

I've actually been asked not to wear a hat as it blocks the people behind from seeing.

Tiger , I was walking past a Catholic church and the bride wore a Jordanesque wedding dress tits hanging out with lots of flesh on display

I love fascinators they suit me more than hats which just serve to make me look worse than i am lol, I would so not wear one on principle.

It never ceases to amaze me how brides can be so totally blind insensitive to guests who might not actually be able to afford their requests for a particular dress code.

I can see how the head and shoulder coverings could be seen as religious (due to church ) but not the skirts and dresses only thing. That is truly

AFAIK, the Wee Free objections to trousers on women is that trousers are properly the apparel of men. There's something in the OT (I think) which says that men and women should not wear each other's clothing.

Thanks, OldLady. It's weirdly fascinating. Odd that the wee frees wear kilts though (assume they do) - you'd think trousers would be compulsory for the weaker sex in that case.

I am borrowing a dress, which is a gorgeous chocolate brown ruffled number from Debenhams with thin straps, so what colours for shoes/shrug/hat...? I don't want to be all in brown.

I would observe the covered shoulders in church but apart from that where what you want. I have never and will never where a hat for a wedding, I do not like them. I don't mind trying to please the bride, but why should I do something a really do not like or agree with just because it's someones wedding day (it's just a day).

SIL had quail on the menu - I have never nor will I ever eat quail as I do not agree with them being reared for food. Dh was that I would not 'just eat it' but why should I forgo my princpals/ moral ideas just beacuse it is a wedding?

I do not see dress as much different - we had an evening wedding and put mess kit, black tie, evening dress on the wedding invite but that did not mean I expected anyone to wear something they were not comfortable with. My sis didn't do dresses so worn a trouser suit.

You are in charge of you not her, wear what you want, chances are bridzilla will not even notice .

Covering shoulders in church is generally considered respectful- it's a place of worship so you shouldn't flash too much flesh, but there are no rules in CofE about hats and or skirts rather than trousers, so those are just her personal requests.

if it was 'black tie' stipulated, or 'lounge suits' or 'cocktail dresses' , would you object?

weddings often do have dress codes, i don't see how it is a big deal

It sounds religious to me and I think you could politely enquire, she may be being Bridzilla, but on the other hand......Covering heads/no trousers/no bare shoulders is fairly typical in some High CE and Catholic Churches and perhaps (if you don't know her that well) her family subscribe to those beliefs and she wants to make sure everyone - ie her elderly Grandparents for example feel they can enjoy the day as well.

ach, give the bride the benefit of the doubt, perhaps she has some really munting relatives that live in shell suits, and the 'dress code' is for their benefit. Personally, tho i've never worn a hat to a wedding, what the heck are fascinators when they're at home?

You say it is C of E and therefore none of them are for religious reasons. People go to even high church in jeans or whatever they like these days. If you don't want to wear a hat then I would just tell her you don't wear them. I went to a wedding last summer and nearly everyone had a fascinator. She is being precious-people will dress appropriately if left to their own devices!

fucking bridezillas!!!! UGH yanbu

I think all strapless dresses should be banned, tbh.

The number of women who actually look good in them you could number in 3 digit figures, IMO.

Strapless dresses look like underwear - like you forgot to put the top part of your dress over your corset.

Excepting the hat part, I wouldn't have a problem with this, but I would never wear bear shoulders in church because I do find it disrespectful.

Wouldn't wear trousers to a wedding, anyhow.

I would follow all those rules, except maybe not a hat, but given a directive like that I think I would wear trousers! It automatically makes me bolshy!

Does sound like it could be religious requests.

I once was invited to a good friend's wedding where she insisted that all her close friends dressed in yellow so that we would look good in a group photo.

Nice way to make those not forced into this generally unflattering colour feel left out.

Mind you I think I would have preferred to have been left out that been part of the inner sanctum who all had weird outfits on.

Try finding a nice wedding appropriate dress in yellow (two girls had the same dress on and the rest of us looked as though we were about 6 years old and on the way to a child's birthday party or possibly a beach holiday).

We did not look good in the group photo.

in the 70s when I went to church as a child, these were fairly typical standards in a lot of CofE churches, cover your shoulders (and knees, no short skirts ) hats and dresses/skirts for women/girls - it was all about your "Sunday best"

However times have moved on and even at the high anglican church I go to now it's wear what you like so long as it's not disrespectful. I'm often in jeans (but helping out with the under 5s group so I have an excuse ) The "oldies" are still mostly in hats & dresses though, so maybe this is more about what the brides parents/grand parents expect?

Personally as long as people dress respectfully in church then I wouldn't have a problem, but then it's not my wedding

Shoulders are easily hidden, just use a pashmina/shawl in church & then ditch it as soon as you are outside.

sounds like a snob thing to me. If it was religeous she'd say something like "Out of respect while in church, ladies are kindly requested to wear a hat, dress/skirt.."

She just wants a v posh wedding with everyone dressed like Kate Middleton when the Royal Family go to weddings and who, incidently, do wear fascinators to weddings from distant memories of reading Hello! in the hairdrssers.

DH had this once. A friend of mine wanted all the male guests to wear morning suits - grey tails and striped trousers (not stipulated on the invite, she called up to "remind" us). Funnily enough, DH didn't have his own Saville Row effort sitting in the wardrobe. He doesn't like them anyway and it's £100 to hire one for the weekend , so he said no. She said "But [DH] will look and feel very out of place" DH is very relaxed in his own skin and shrugged it off, went along and loads of men wore ordinary suits in the end (they all rebelled).

An old friend of mine tried this little stunt.

I told her to her in no uncertain terms that she was being ridiculous to insist on people wearing hats. I don't wear them, and would resent having to pay out to buy one

Told her what was important to her - us all looking good in the photograph, or her mates being there to help celebrate her wedding day.

She didn't speak to me for about a week.

Then she came around and admitted she got carried away...

My soon-to-be DSIL has requested I don't wear purple at her wedding.
I feel this is quite a reasonable request as she is wearing purple!
Besides gives me an excuse to go out and get a new frock

You could cover your shoulders with a small shrug, but have a miniskirt and plunging cleavage - has bridezilla considered that??

I'd contact her, explain lack of money this year, and ask her whether she has a cream hat you can borrow so that you don't let her down

Sounds like religious reasons to me.

Bibi, if you are anywhere near Oxford I have a natural straw coloured hat you could borrow - is the one I normally wear with brown dresses