to not want to be told what to wear to a wedding?

[BibiThree]

Okay, I'm probably going to get shot down in flames for this, but there's something about it that makes me want to go "No! I will not!"
Been invited to a wedding and the bride has put in the invitation that women must
wear hats (not fascinators)
wear skirts/dresses
cover their shoulders in church.
Are all these religious requests? If so, then maybe I can understand if she is v religious, but really, to impose that on your guests?
I don't attend many weddings in church, so don't really know the etiquette or if this is quite a normal request.

And like I say, there's a part of me that thinks I am grown up enough to choose appropriate attire for a wedding without being told what I should wear.

Really! Wear what you like. What's she going to do? Send you home?

If you're 'banned' from the photos, live with it....

Really hate requests like this (unless completely genuine religious reasons). So precious and tacky IMO...

We once went to a wedding in Wales, (ordinary presbyterian type church) and EVERYONE was wearing hats and skirts. Luckily for us the church was in a town centre and we quickly found a hat hire shop.

I have heard of the bare shoulders thing My Mum tells me that is why her wedding dress had lacy sleeves.

I would guess that it is a more conservative type church where more skimpy clothing is frowned upon.

Balaclava, superman cape and ra-ra skirt.

Problem solved.

I don't get it. Why is it that important to you NOT to adhere to her requests?

I 100% agree that it is utterly ridiculous, tacky and perhaps a little bit rude... though I guess it's because weddings have become a bit of a Themed Event rather than a celebration with friends and family.

but does it really matter to you, really?

Apart from the hat part (where I guess if it is going to cost you extra - weddings DO cost though IME) then why not wear a cardi and a dress? Weren't you going to anyway? Sure she wouldn't send you home for smart trousers though...

Oh I hate things like this.

When I was 14 and being a bridesmaid, for the first and only time, I had to wear a hideous peach satin dress and go to the hairdressers.

Hairdressers were anathema to me. She tried to use hairpsray but I refused for some incomprehensible reason, and the curls all fell out...the bride hasn't really spoken to me since

People do clash, but my point is that you can kill or cure a relationship with a wedding. I'd never got on great with the bride anyway (my auntie) but from then on it was clear it would never improve! I wish people wouldn't have guests or bridesmaids out of a sense of obligation. They should invite people they LIKE and therefore trust to wear the appropriate clothing.

anything else is a pretentious waste of time imo.

I am honestly convinced that this is the dress code of the church or the bride and her family have strong feelings about what is considered respectful in church.

I veryt much doubt this is a theme/bridezilla photos thing. It is just an old fashioned way of thinking that until recently was common in high churches.

TBH if I received this request I would assume it was religious, as per islandofsodor. It wouldn't even cross my mind that it was a "bridezilla" thing.

I just wouldn't go. I don't own a hat (apart from a warm one) and I don't own a skirt or a dress.

If it is religious reasons, it should have been explained.

Weddings these days are so ridiculous that I dread receiving invites. We've been invited to a no kids wedding when DC2 was 3 weeks old, a wedding half way round the world, a wedding 100s of miles away in the UK with a request for cash etc. We were caught out at the beginning (spent hundreds just for one persons wedding etc) and we just don't go to them now unless it is someone very close to us.

Trying to think of ways round the hat thing.

I haven't got a posh hat. I'd look atrocious in one. Some kind of headscarf might be lovely though, if you got that retro 50s film star thing right.

if it is genuinely that they want your head covered in church, a pashmina will do fine - have done this myself at Jewish weddings.

I would also assume it's religious/family culture reasons. I don't think it's bridzilla-ish to insist on guests at your wedding respecting your faith for the ceremony. You can dump the hat and cardie for the reception, surely? (Although I was told you can't take your hat off until the mother of the bride does.)

You can hire hats, my MIL did for our wedding. (it was a rather fancy hat she picked, think she might have got a bit carried away). If you go the hiring route, you can get something rather show stopping with half a dead bird in it, you will therefore be the talk of the wedding and show up the bride...

ach, give the bride the benefit of the doubt, perhaps she has some really munting relatives that live in shell suits, and the 'dress code' is for their benefit. Personally, tho i've never worn a hat to a wedding, what the heck are fascinators when they're at home?

Thanks all.
Mrs Badger, I live in Wales so no where near Oxford, but thank you very much for the offer

I am so going to get a hat, I'm going to feel ridiculous in it (and look ridiculous too) but i'd feel worse if I was the only one not wearing a hat.

I'll have a word with her husband when we next speak about not realising it was a religious consideration and see what he says.

I wouldn't ordinarily wear trousers to a wedding, but a couple of women wore trousers to mine and I didn't think anything of it. Only 2 people wore hats though and 1 of those was my cousin in his Navy dress uniform.

Hiring a hat is a good idea actually, as I am sure I'll never have cause to wear one again. Thanks

if S Wales you need these poeple in Penarth - owner is an MNer so mention you are too and you may get a discount

I remember seeing a sign outside a church in Italy telling you not to go in with bare sholders or above knee skirts. There was done a picture of a woman with a line through her. I suspect this is more Bridezilla like the 'No Coast Dresses' invite.

Bit mean and an overreaction not to go just because of this (not unreasonable though admittedly annoying even specifying it) dress code. Also would never go bare shouldered in church apart from anything else they are usually bloody cold.

what the fuck is a fascinator?

bride can ask guests what she wishes them to wear.your prerogative to decline

but i wouldn't blow a friend out,for that request.it is pretty innocuous actually.really all she is asking is quite conservative clothing

I hate hats. And I'd never hire one - eeew! Great way to get nits - so I'd decline the invite.

Again, I'd never wear trousers to a wedding or go bare shouldered, ever.

Wedding or no wedding no one's going to get me to wear a dress or skirt.

i think you should go in whatever you were going to wear anyway but maybe if the covered shoulders/hat thing is religious then respect that until later

i only had one request at my wedding and that was please dont turn up in a white floor length dress i maybe should have been a bit tougher as i had one or two guests wearing scruffy clothes my cousin turned up in a tracksuit and trainers he is obv a big chav not very fashion aware

Now I know you are in Walwes I am 110% convinced it is a church thing. Honestly it is like a different world in churches there.

When my Uncle died none of the women in the family even went to the funeral as it is frowned upon.

Bobble hat, as already mentioned.
Mini skirt
Thick multi-coloured tights.
Sparkly boob tube discretely covered by a....
Donkey jacket!

Job done.

Haven't got to the end of the thread yet, but how about having shawl, or something you can wear around your shoulders and then if you need to have your head covered in church, you can just pull it up over your head?