to not want to be told what to wear to a wedding?

[BibiThree]

Okay, I'm probably going to get shot down in flames for this, but there's something about it that makes me want to go "No! I will not!"
Been invited to a wedding and the bride has put in the invitation that women must
wear hats (not fascinators)
wear skirts/dresses
cover their shoulders in church.
Are all these religious requests? If so, then maybe I can understand if she is v religious, but really, to impose that on your guests?
I don't attend many weddings in church, so don't really know the etiquette or if this is quite a normal request.

And like I say, there's a part of me that thinks I am grown up enough to choose appropriate attire for a wedding without being told what I should wear.

My partner's church would ask you to cover shoulders, cleavage etc. Most women cover their heads. I won't tell my guests to cover their heads but they will have to cover up.

Why don't you ask her if this is religious? If so, you can presumably whip off the hat after the ceremony.

I'll bet the covered shoulders rule doesn't apply to the bridal party - they will all be swanning down the aisle in typically unflattering and inappropriate "get your tits out" style. The rest of you are being arranged as an appropriate still life so that the photographs will be co-ordinated properly. I'm betting the bride has booked a "reportage" package and doesn't want any continuity errors from the extras guests.

I know of no rules in the CofE that ban trousers on women although am more used to Catholic weddings. Where, in England, women can and do wear trousers in church and hats are certainly not de rigeur. Even the Vatican (known for their ferocity with dress code)allow hatless, trousered women across the threshold!

I have read to the end of this thread because like groundhog and cumbria I want to know WTF is a fascinator? Sounds like something you would buy at Ann Summers.

I'd tell her to sod off friend or no friend. Sounds like she she is a Bridezilla of the highest order. I'd ask her why she wants that dress attire and see what she says. Has she stipulated a dress code for the men?

fascinators on google images

Thanks Idontknowhowtohelpher - I had a really good laugh at those!

Having seen them I tend to think this request is more likely to be religious than bridezilla. Some of these fascinating objects look quite dressy-uppy, so if it was just the bride trying to make everyone be a bit posh I can't see why she would object to one of these instead of a hat.

Even worse thought though - if this is a religion that has such a strict dress code what are the chances that they will also be teetotal? I don't know much about Baptist Chapel but it sounds to me like it could be the sort of wedding where you only get a cup of tea with the meal.

From the OP this could be my nephews wedding, but it is not the brides instructions that are unbelievable, but his!!!
He is laying the law dowwn about dress codes and making some bloody stupid guest list things. Like not inviting someone and their other half or young child ,but inviting the older teenage child of the same family. It beggers belief.
I think he's lost his head up his own arse, never to see daylight again

Well, she isn't going with the Debretts dress code. Which would, I presume, be fitting for a C of E church.

It's not CofE, which is a broad church and can cope (generally) with deviations in dress code (if it had one). It's a baptist church - and some of those have very strong cultural traditions of what is appropriate.

But I think it's sad that the church can't see how offputting this sort of thing can be to non-churchgoers. Ideally, they should be welcoming people in and not trying to make them conform to their own culture.

Sees Pikelet's post about brides being let off the covered shoulders rule and laughs hollowly

You think being asked to cover us is hard for a guest? You try finding a wedding dress that shows no cleavage or shoulders!

(Makes grouchy noises towards DP)

My first thought when I read this was either Free Ps, Baptist or Brethren. We see loads of Brethren women around us, who wear ankle length skirts, don't cut their hair and always wear headscarves.

If I was ever to get married again (HA - not likely!), I think I'd insist on everyone wearing charity shop clothes. No more unreasonable than stipulating cocktail/evening dresses, hats/fascinators blahblahblah. At least someone would benefit from it

Something happened to my - why?

I'd have a problem with the hat. I wouldn't buy a wedding hat.

not read whole thread, but I'd show up in an unacceptably short dress and ridiculous hat. Maybe the hat is so the mother of the bride can have the pleasure of determining when everyone else takes theirs off? (not supposed to take yours off till she has. My brother's MIL kept it on right through the meal )

I'd do as they say. I do know some welsh chapel/baptist churches can have guidelines. Actually, I didn't realise that Baptist churches were strict about these things (and I attend one). I was raised as CofE and even my fairly laid back church was mostly smart dress. My friends who went to the Baptist churches were much more immodestly dressed. I guess it depends WHERE the church is, and yes, in parts of Wales, very strict. My great grandmother attended a Gospel Chapel, and that was hats etc. I hate hats too (I have an awkwardly shaped head), but I'd tolerate it for a friend! I tend to wear dresses to weddings anyway.