I do believe you can "steal" a husband as it just happened to me. My husband and I were having problems (he's bipolar) so I remained supportive and he would go back and forth with wanting to leave (it's part of the disorder). He came to me recently and asked again for a divorce this time saying that friends were telling him to leave and he didn't feel comfortable asking someone else out while still married. I asked him if it was a friend of mine and he was adamant it wasn't her and stated reasons why he didn't want to be with her (a lot of drama around her and very immature). I also asked his friends if they were telling him to leave me and they said no. I asked my 'friend' if she told him to leave me and she said no that she only told him he wasn't doing me any favors by sticking around. Uhm, isn't that telling him to leave? Then she stated several reasons why she didn't want to be with him including the fact that she had a boyfriend and that her friend was married. Although I am heartbroken about him leaving I supported him through this thinking there wasn't someone else and I just needed to give him a little more time. It turns out they slept together a couple of weeks later and continue to do so. I know it wasn't before because he and I were together. I also know this is just his 'manic' phase and for those who don't understand, he can be completely in love with you one day and the next, he questions his existence. I believe she lied to me and deliberately connived to take him away. Other friends of mine recently told me this isn't the first time she has done this with a married man.
His behavior towards me now is one of absolute disgust - as though I've done something wrong. I have seen both a couple of times and was cordial to them. My husband was kind and civil even giving me a hug (yeah, this was for show so everyone would think he's the greatest). She treated me like I was the other woman.
I am stuck because I cannot do anything. He has always said I think in circles and don't have a good grip on reality. I went to counseling for a year because of it thinking maybe I needed help. My thinking is very logical. If you ask me to stop saying something or acting a certain way I stop. I stop because you are important to me. Once I would change a behavior or attitude, he would later say the opposite when he was in his manic state. I would ask him why because it would leave me confused. He is the one who thinks in circles and it's part of the disorder. It is really hard to live with, which is why I am torn.
He did it again recently in a rage saying the complete opposite of what he did several years ago. My questions to help me understand are never answered. This is how I know it is not me. I will take fault in how I used to react when I did not understand the disorder. But the past three years, I have been nothing but loving and supportive. He continued to have his ups and downs and I never fed into them. I figured time would show him my loyalty and we've only had three or four arguments in two years. Fantastic improvement, but he only focuses on the arguments and says he doesn't want to go back to the way things were three years ago. I keep telling him things haven't been the same as three years ago - for three years!
Everyone's situation is different so you cannot lump every man who is "stolen" as a cheater. I do not consider my husband as a cheater because he came to me first before the relationship happened. I know some of you may think it was happening before, but I know it wasn't. And every woman who sleeps with a married man is not a home wrecker. There are women out there who start dating someone only to learn later he is married. That happened to me several years before I met my husband and, of course, I was pretty upset with the guy. Unfortunately, I was naive enough to believe the lies (for a short time anyway).
What I'd like to know now is if he is aware of her boyfriend and the tryst she is having with a guy at work (she told me about him). If I told him, he wouldn't believe me and it would push me farther away.
I know many of you would say walk away from him, but I cannot do that at this time. I want him to go to the doctor and get help because when it's good - it's great! If he were on the right medication and getting counseling, I believe we would experience less episodes. I started counseling this month with a bipolar specialist to help me through this as well. I will only take him back if he agrees to go to the doctor and get help.
Is there anyone else out there in a similar situation? I'd love to hear from you and how you get through it!