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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that invited guest at a cancelled wedding should NOT ask for their money back

423 replies

toolly · 08/01/2010 11:44

My poor sister has just cancelled her wedding which was due to take place in a European country in June. Two of the couples have asked that she refund their deposits or airfares. Am I not justified in thinking that these so called friends are insensitive, money grabbing unmentionables? I don't want to further my sister's woes but I am seething on her behalf. Am I justified to think that she should just say fuck off to these people and

OP posts:
FlightAttendant · 08/01/2010 13:12

Indeed I suspect she is still reading.

Stigaloid · 08/01/2010 13:12

We would have lost a lot more than £2000 (flights cost us around £3,500 Jan is a stupidly expensive time to visit down under) but we managed to get some refund back from BA. I was also 12 weeks pregnant by then so the idea of travelling so much with morning sickness didn't appeal - plus if we had gone we would have had to spend more on hotels, outings etc etc. We couldn't really afford to lose the money but as we had already paid it out and got £1500 back then at least we weren't totally out of pocket. felt sadder for the couple who lost their future together really.

JeremyVile · 08/01/2010 13:12

DS has been locked in the bathroom all morning.
I didn't realise this required my attention.

porcamiseria · 08/01/2010 13:13

I have mixed opinions here. I do think that people that get married abroad are a tad selfish TBH (unless they are from there), to get their special day people have to book time off work, and use maybe pre-allocated holiday money to attend someones special day. So lets say these guests have spent not inconsiderable money in trying to attend someones special day, I can see why they'd be pissed off. It does not appear that this wedding is somewherew= they would want to go usually! And it does not appear that your sister gives a shit about how she has inconvenienced people, so distrauight is she!

But in parallel, I would not ask for the money back! no way.
Id be bloody pissed off tho.

I just am reading a bit of selfishness that she obliges people to travel, cancels, and does not seem to care how it impacts therm

MiniMarmite · 08/01/2010 13:13

Sorry to hear about your sis, that's really sad and she must be going through a terrible time.

I had to cancel my wedding a few years ago for the same reason, it was also overseas (because he was from overseas).

We offered to pay out for anyone that was out of pocket that had booked tickets to join us. Most people went ahead with their holidays anyway but a couple of people did take us up on the offer because they were skint.

It would have been quite upsetting for me at the time though had one of the guests ASKED for the money back before we had offered as everyone that was coming were invited because they were considered very close friends.

My story has a happy ending as we got married (to each other) a couple of years later .

Pancakeflipper · 08/01/2010 13:14

if they had got married and then quickly split up would people ask for the whole cost to be reimbursed?

When a friend of ours broke off her engagement my mate's mother asked for the cut glass fruit bowl she'd bought them. She gave it back as a gift at the next engagement this friend undertook. Still makes me giggle. Can't decide if it's rude or brilliant.

FlightAttendant · 08/01/2010 13:14

I think it is twinned with Dubrovnic

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 08/01/2010 13:14

i suppose i think if you've actually been to the wedding and had a laugh etc then that would be more tolerable than losing out entirely, so no, i wouldn't much care if they split up. i'm with mp in that regard.

where was the wedding?
how long in counselling?
when were invites sent?
when did deposits become full payment?

youwillnotwin · 08/01/2010 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JeremyVile · 08/01/2010 13:16

Minimarmite - well done on your happy ending.
I think there is a difference in that you'd have been upset hd anyone asked before you had the chance to offer but op is upset that anyone could possibly think of their own finances full stop.

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 08/01/2010 13:16

lol pancakeflipper i think it's brilliant.

rainbowtexter · 08/01/2010 13:17

Toolly,
First I hope your DD found her way out!
Second, I think that essentially the friends booked to join the wedding party for their own beneift - who doesnt think 'Yay, we can attend the wedding and see our friends get married and have a holiday at the same time' If they couldnt afford it, then they should have/would have declined. If times have changed for them since booking and they now cant afford it - tough. It is not your sisters obligation to refund them. Its an awful situation, both emotionally and financially and I would not consider these people friends at all. If their financial circumstances havent changed ie. they can still afford to go then they should! And thus making the best of a bad situation.
We all have to accept disappointment sometimes, and just make the best of the situation.
I hope your sister is ok.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 08/01/2010 13:17

Which is why I think the OP is the bride.

GetOrfMoiLand · 08/01/2010 13:18

Pancakeflipper - that cut glass bowl story is brilliant. Can imagine the woman was of the 'flighty young women who get engaged and break up, not getting more than one cut glass bowl out of me, thank you ver much^ persuasion.

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 08/01/2010 13:18

agree again with jv, that seems like a very different situation.

how awful for you and dd, youwillnotwin.

skidoodle · 08/01/2010 13:19

Squeezy it's not a generalisation, it's an opinion. I think it is presumptuous and tacky to choose to have your wedding in a place that neither of you are from or live.

wukter · 08/01/2010 13:19

FGS some people need to check their consumer rights - I paid to attend a wedding, a wedding I shall have!

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 08/01/2010 13:20

you BITCH.

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 08/01/2010 13:20

that to skidoodle. [presumptuous] [tacky]

HarrietTheSpy · 08/01/2010 13:21

This is apparently one of those Fridays where I'm not going to get ANY work done...

Pancakeflipper · 08/01/2010 13:21

GeOrfMoiLand - she did turn out to be a serial engagement type of gal !!! You and my mate's mother must have the same ESP to detect these things.

Now she's a serial divorcer ( I wouldn't accept an invite to her wedding abroad).

morningpaper · 08/01/2010 13:23

DS has been locked in the bathroom all morning.
I didn't realise this required my attention.

sayithowitis · 08/01/2010 13:24

Hadn't thought of that Fab. But it would kind of make sense!

FimbleHobbs · 08/01/2010 13:24

I wouldn't go to a wedding overseas unless it was somewhere I wanted to go anyway. So if the wedding was cancelled I would still go and have a holiday.

I wouldn't ask the bride for a refund. For all I know the weddings off because one of them has been shagging around, or is gay, or parks in P&C spaces, or something else terrible - the last thing you'd want is financial hassle from a so-called friend!

MiniMarmite · 08/01/2010 13:25

It depends how they ask in a way too. Had someone said to me "I'm really sorry to hear you've had to cancel your wedding, how are you? Sorry but I'm going to have to ask you if you would mind paying out my deposit because I'm going to be a bit strapped for cash now" I think I would have felt ok about that.