To think that invited guest at a cancelled wedding should NOT ask for their money back

[toolly]

My poor sister has just cancelled her wedding which was due to take place in a European country in June. Two of the couples have asked that she refund their deposits or airfares. Am I not justified in thinking that these so called friends are insensitive, money grabbing unmentionables? I don't want to further my sister's woes but I am seething on her behalf. Am I justified to think that she should just say fuck off to these people and

I would offer to refund anyone, personally

Actually I would probably just get married to avoid the embarassment

Their insurance won't cover this unfortunately

Sorry for your sister but I think she needs to spend the money that wuold have been spent on the wedding on reimbursing people

ISNT I think it is different in that the falling on ice was surely a complete accident.

A relationship breakdown usually takes two and some prior knowledge.

Saddo that I am, I just checked the small print on a load of online wedding insurance policies - partly wondering if we'd been ripped off, as I know that our wedding insurance didn't cover what it coying referred to as "disinclination to marry".

None of the policies I found will pay out if the bride and groom change their minds. So there is no way that she can just claim the money from insurance and magically make everything better for her guests.

x posts with aitch there about the angry op.

But then Flowerybeanbag, if it is the wedding of someone important to you, you would want to minimise their suffering. And surely then in this instance you would grit your teeth, try and make the best of the situation and NOT make your friends situation any worse.

I wouldn't accept the invitation even to my BFs wedding if it was somewhere I couldn't afford or was somewhere I would never have wanted to go on holiday in the first place.

'The Bride was getting married not putting on an entertainment production for the benfit of her friends.'

Aha. The underpinning to every bridezilla situation IN the world.

The friends are rude. DH and I booked flights to australia for a friends wedding. The got engaged in January to get married the following january - we bought flights asap to get them as cheap as we could. In october they split up and we lost £2000 in flights. We never mentioned a word to them. Although i won't buy flights for a foreign wedding again!

I'd go on the holiday anyway. I wouldn't dream of upsetting your sister any more than she already must be.

Toolly if you manage to release your dd, I would appreciate a brief one word answer to any of my questions. Thanks

I've mixed views on this but would need to know more detail to decide if they're being unreasonable or not.

I feel very sorry for your sister but it seems madness to me to continue with wedding plans while undergoing counselling.

The first thing I'd do if it became obvious that our relationship required the intervention of a counsellor,would be to cancel the wedding for the time being, as much for my sake as anyone's as it'd allow me to concentrate on the relationship and not on the often stressful planning of a wedding.

It is bizarre this comparing to a purchase, consumer/seller relationship!

Bibbity - I couldn't dismiss the cost of the flights, but I would be looking to make the best of the situation and would just chalk it up to experience.
There is no way on earth that I would turn round to my friend who had just watched her dreams crumble and ask her to stump up for my flight deposits.

Maybe I am missing something here, but I invited friends to my wedding, and I go to the weddings of friends - who I love and care about. My primary concern would be for them rather than my bank account.

"A better one would be that you and OH agreed to go to theatre to see a friend performing in a play. But she falls on the ice and breaks her leg and isn't in it any more. You and OH decide that you don;t want to go if she isn't there, even though you could still have gone and had a good time.

Then you insist she refunds you the cost of your tickets"

No surely the analogy would need to involve the friend deciding that she could no longer be part of the play rather than an accident which prevented her from being in the play.

You can see it is icy out of the window and estimate a low probability of falling, but fall anyway.

You can look at your relationship and estimate a low probaility of splitting, and split anyway.

Having known someone who went ahead and had a big wedding and then split up shortly afterwards, I would say it is better and cheaper for everyone concerned that this has happened before the wedding rather than afterwards.

These threads are always such an eye opener that what i would consider just to be the natural and normal thing to do is the absolute converse of others. Is fun to sit here

Christ Stigaloid that is a lesson learned.

Did you not hink to just bloody well go to Australia anyway rather than foreit 2 grand?

Lol 'I would just get married anyway to avoid the embarassemtn'

MrsTittleMouse - we are both sad because I just went and checked my wedding box for my insurance policy and its seems that you are right - we wouldn't have been covered if DH had done a bunk. Which would have been all the more reason to hunt him down and break his legs if he had run off...insurance would have kicked in then!

Again, this is where we need more info. If OP is still busy trying to extract a 3yo from the toilet I doubt we will get it.

Anyone think that if the groom had dropped dead that the bride should be shelling out?

yup, mayor, she'd be covered by wedding ins if she broke her leg.

interesting that so many of the early posts thought that travel insurance covers this. i don't understand why people can't just take the holiday (without the hassle of attending someone's poxy wedding ) but maybe it's a strange destination?

at Stigaloid. I admire your ability to shrug that off Stig.

Am I the only one who finds it rather srange that the OP has been unable/unwilling to answer the very reasonable questions about when the counselling began, but is quiet able to tell us she's off because DD has locked herself in the toilet?

Yes needing the services of Relate PRIOR to being married is never good.

I can't imagine being insensitive enough to ask for a refund.
If you are a good enough friend to be asked, a good enough friend to feel obligated to attend, a good enough friend to tighten your belt and make sacrifices then you should be bloody good enough not to be so self centred.

A mediterranean country in June? It's not such a chore is it.

Then it is getting into whether splitting up is something you have to do, or a choice. Saying it is a choice implies that it would have been perfectly reasinable to drag everyone out on the planes, fork out for all the stuff, then split up anyway.

I think the OPs sister and her OH have taken a hard decision here. I think a lot of people go through with weddings when they get to this stage even if they have doubts as they are too embarassed not to. Which is much much worse.

if they had got married and then quickly split up would people ask for the whole cost to be reimbursed?

Oh going to see a play just loses you a few hours not several days where you've put your kids into care/locked the cat in a cupboard changed your sterling into Euros, bought a new frock, lost weight for the photos, hung around an airport, regretted you bought cheap flights and it's a cheap plane etc.... etc.....

Exactly aitch. It might be the Croatian version of Dagenham.