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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that invited guest at a cancelled wedding should NOT ask for their money back

423 replies

toolly · 08/01/2010 11:44

My poor sister has just cancelled her wedding which was due to take place in a European country in June. Two of the couples have asked that she refund their deposits or airfares. Am I not justified in thinking that these so called friends are insensitive, money grabbing unmentionables? I don't want to further my sister's woes but I am seething on her behalf. Am I justified to think that she should just say fuck off to these people and

OP posts:
BentBaastard · 08/05/2019 14:09

Flipping heck.

Annoying zombie thread

Chloemol · 08/05/2019 14:22

To all of you saying she should refund, let’s see if you say that if a cancelled wedding happens to you or a family member. Whenever you book flights you have the option to book insurance in case you need to cancel. If you chose not to do that then that’s your fault.

ScrewyMcScrewup · 08/05/2019 14:49

Interesting thread! Not sure why anyone is angry about it coming back to the first page.

Sounded like a load of bollocks anyway. Relationship went from fine and planning to be together forever to over in two months? Sure.

Gth1234 · 08/05/2019 16:10

Personally, I struggle to understand the predilection for getting wed abroad.

Gth1234 · 08/05/2019 16:12

And fwiw, I doubt very much if "my mate cancelled her wedding" would cut the mustard with an insurance company. Insurance is for health reasons.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 08/05/2019 16:14

ZOMBIE THREAD MORE THAN NINE YEAR OLD
ZOMBIE THREAD MORE THAN NINE YEAR OLD
ZOMBIE THREAD MORE THAN NINE YEAR OLD
ZOMBIE THREAD MORE THAN NINE YEAR OLD
ZOMBIE THREAD MORE THAN NINE YEAR OLD

For the latye comers.

And yes, the Zombie alert disappears if a few people post and resurrect a thread!

ZOMBIE THREAD MORE THAN NINE YEAR OLD
ZOMBIE THREAD MORE THAN NINE YEAR OLD
ZOMBIE THREAD MORE THAN NINE YEAR OLD
ZOMBIE THREAD MORE THAN NINE YEAR OLD
ZOMBIE THREAD MORE THAN NINE YEAR OLD

ConkerGame · 08/05/2019 16:38

@tooley please come back and tell us how your sis is doing now? Fingers crossed she’s happily married to someone else and is doing brilliantly in her job / with her kids and, most importantly, is no longer friends with the money-grabbing misers!

OneStepSideways · 08/05/2019 18:36

I can see both sides. Obviously it's awful for your poor sister. But it's also quite selfish to book a wedding abroad, invite everyone, then cancel with very short notice and not offer compensation to those who have paid for flights and accommodation. Does she not have wedding insurance? Or use some of the wedding fund to repay people. They booked specially to attend her big day, they might not want to take a holiday in that location, in term time (paying for childcare or the fine for taking kids out of school!)
Maybe they can't afford to have another family holiday this year.

I think your sister and her ex should do everything they can to ensure guests are not left out of pocket.

jimmyhill · 08/05/2019 19:19

In those circumstances I'd hope that the next wedding be very modest and very local!

Banhaha · 08/05/2019 19:27

Most wedding insurance doesn't cover cancellations because you change your mind, it has to be serious illness, sometimes redundancy etc.

I think it would depend on the circumstances. If they've just changed their mind then the two of them (or whoever called it off if one sided) should probably consider trying to refund what they can.

StCharlotte · 08/05/2019 19:58

If the family wedding held in a beautiful southern Spanish town had been called off, I'd still have gone. DH's colleague's wedding in the depths of the Polish countryside? Possibly not - but I would have tried to tweak the trip somehow and I definitely wouldn't have been asking for a refund!

StCharlotte · 08/05/2019 19:59

Whoops!

StCharlotte · 08/05/2019 19:59

Whoops!

LadyRannaldini · 09/05/2019 05:18

This is why we have insurance, yes?

It would depend on the reason for the cancellation, if they've somply called it off then the insirance won't cover it.

LadyRannaldini · 09/05/2019 05:19

Ah, just noticed the date!!!!

Isthisit22 · 09/05/2019 06:32

Don't really understand why some people seem to think this means people have 'lost' money and need it back. They haven't! Bibbety claiming they couldn't afford to 'lose' that money makes no sense as that money would be gone either way.

That money was going to be spent anyway. They either accept that (they were never gong to have that money back) or they go on the holiday as planned. Surely no one other than the couple should be too upset that the actually wedding bit of the holiday isn't happening.

It shows a lack of humanity to put your own frustration above some ones heartache.

Antigon · 09/05/2019 12:03

Isthisit, what if someone prioritises holiday budget to attend a wedding only to find the wedding is not happening?

I agree that it was that person’s choice to accept the invitation and they shouldn’t expect to be compensated but I can see why they would feel they have lost money.

PugPupsMum · 09/05/2019 12:54

Probably an unpopular opinion but here goes...

If I had shelled out for flights to attend someone's wedding and the wedding was called off, I would be put out.

I wouldn't ask for my money back, I'd probably still go and make a holiday of it. But I would be annoyed, yes.

TigerTooth · 09/05/2019 17:41

I wouldn’t ask for my money back but they have and she should refund them.
She has withdrawn the purpose of the trip - not them. It may be for unfortunate reasons out of her control but why should they be out of pocket? She needs to pay those who ask.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 09/05/2019 17:50

Travel insurance is there for disasters and emergencies - fir when you cant travel. There is no reason why anyone cant travel - they just dont want to (understandably) so absolutely no way insurance would pick this up.

I can see both sides tbh. If I was your sister I'd be pissed off people were asking me for cash at a really stressful time.

If I'd booked flights (most are non refundable) to somewhere I didn't really care about going on holiday to, purely for a wedding, then found out it wasnt happening, then I'd be pissed off I wasted the cash

A rubbish situation all round. On balance I dont think I'd have asked (unless she was very pushy in trying to make everyone go) as it's your own choice to go to a wedding abroad and you run the risk that this could happen

TheInvestigator · 09/05/2019 17:57

This thread is 9 years old!!!!

DaisyYellow · 09/05/2019 18:04

I wonder if she’s finished paying them back yet?!

Fowles94 · 09/05/2019 18:16

I would never go to a wedding abroad however I would be demanding my money back.

nuxe1984 · 09/05/2019 18:20

If they couldn't afford the fares, etc then they wouldn't be going in the first place. I'm fairly certain that legally your sister doesn't have to pay them back. If a concert is cancelled and you've booked an overnight hotel then the organisers wouldn't pay that back.
They could still do the trip and have a holiday.

jessebuni · 09/05/2019 18:22

Well...this isn’t really anyone’s fault or anyone being unreasonable I don’t think. I think to just a crappy situation for all involved. However it has made me decide not to attend a wedding abroad next year because I definitely can’t afford to lose the money.