To think that invited guest at a cancelled wedding should NOT ask for their money back

[toolly]

My poor sister has just cancelled her wedding which was due to take place in a European country in June. Two of the couples have asked that she refund their deposits or airfares. Am I not justified in thinking that these so called friends are insensitive, money grabbing unmentionables? I don't want to further my sister's woes but I am seething on her behalf. Am I justified to think that she should just say fuck off to these people and

The wedding was to be in Turkey. The ironic this is that I wouldn't have been able to go as I have OU exams that I can't defer that week. Very sad about everything.

and your sister's financial difficulties are very much her own (and poss ex p's) doing. she's the one who got engaged to the wrong guy.

Agree with Sassy.

Not just your sis but her exF too should have at least offered to ensure their invited guests weren't left out of pocket.

Sassy beast. My sister is distraught, I am fuming and hassled with DD and baby. Don't get us two mixed up.

touristy turkey or down a dirt track turkey?

Tooly why is your sister in financial difficulties?

Why is anyone? I really don't understand.

Please someone explain??? - If you pay for something that isn't now happening I get why that is disappointing but you don't have to pay out any additional monies. So how does the financial difficulties/losing money come into it?

I think she's been brave... a lot of people go through with a wedding they're not sure about in precisely situations like this, because of the weight of expectation and people having made arrangements etc. As it is, a few people may lose their deposit or in some cases the cost of a flight (though generally you can get insurance or a reasonable refund for cancellation), but not the myriad associated other costs on travelling to a wedding, when it wasn't a good idea anyway.

Thank you for the reply. Sadly, other people are also in financial difficulties over this. I do sympathise with your sister, but I strongly feel that she should at least offer to refund them something. I am sure that most people, if offered, would appreciate the offer, even if they then refused. Maybe the reason they are asking is because they were allowed to go ahead and make arrangements when it was clear the relationship was in severe difficulties.

Near Bodrum? Touristy I guess. My parents are still taking my eldest children there but for a holiday instead.

yes, but toolly, if you even for a second are advising her that 'these so called friends are insensitive, money grabbing unmentionables? I don't want to further my sister's woes but I am seething on her behalf. Am I justified to think that she should just say fuck off to these people' etc then you are not doing a good job of making things better for her.

i think it's odd to ask for money back, i think it's even a bit unkind given that they still have the holiday to go on, but it's not technically wrong.

Tooly - totally appreciate that it's an awful thing to happen but I think it's just plain good manners to have mentioned financial reimbursement to people - then it probably wouldn't even been an issue. Is the ex doing anything about contacting people ?

Mind you, I think it's off to have a wedding that costs guests extortionate amounts to attend anyway!

It's pretty unfair to assume that the OP's reaction to these guests is the same as her sister's.

If I were in the sister's position I would probably do as morningpaper said and go through with the wedding out of embarrassment. But if I did summon up the guts to cancel a destination wedding people had already shelled out to go to I would be mortified. I would certainly want to reimburse them, but in this situation it seems that isn't possible.

If my sister were in this situation and her bastard friends started calling her up and asking her for money when her life was falling apart I would be incandescent with rage on her behalf. It's hard to see your sister going through something this painful. To then see her friends treat her like she was a shop they bought faulty goods in would utterly sicken me.

If I were a guest in this situation I would feel terribly sorry for my friend and probably go on the trip anyway. I certainly wouldn't ask for my money back and were it offered I would refuse.

Is your sister going for a holiday there with the guests who'll be using it for a holiday?

Well they had both salaries being paid into a joint account that she can't use and she now has to shoulder the costs of a house alone. Lots of financial implications. He lent her money to do up the garden so they could sell up and move, so she is going to pay him back for that. She's a fair minded generous person,and I think her friends are total wankers and I have always thought so. They dropped her when she was single, and only started to be interested when she was part of a couple. Again, they are idiots, she is not.

No she can't face going there for a holiday

I wouldn't ask for reimbursment in these circs (I probably wouldn't have agreed to attend anyway!) but I would expect reimbursment to be offered.

It's a game in social etiquette, whereby everyone would be left feeling respected and reasonably happy ...and would be forced to either accept reimbursment or keep their grumbles politely to themselves.

so this is quite a different history, isn't it? almost trollish, tbh, even though i know you aren't.

if the OPs sister and ex fiance had paid for costs of the wedding thus far, they are unlikely to have spare money now for reimbursing peoples's flights etc.

i've been invited to two weddings taht were cancelled, one about 2 weeks before, perhaps i shokd have invoiced the bride and groom for work i turned down and for outfits??

and why can't she access her joint account?

Why can't she access the joint account?

Has he cleaned her out?

It's a sad situation but if I was your sister (and her ex) I would be offering to reimburse any money that my friends had forked out.

Skidoodle has summed up my feelings better than I have. Thanks

Toolly - i definately think that your sister should think of her guests and not allow them to loose money - she should get married as planned, let everyone have a good time (obviously she and her exfiance won't but never mind) and then she should divorce him!

Hasn't anyone thought that she wanted to get married and thought she was marrying the man of her dreams when it was all booked??? How could she have known this was going to happen??

"By JeremyVile If you are asking your friends and family to effectively invest in your plans for your dream wedding (and there is a sense of obligation tht often comes with an invite) then yes, you do bear some responsibility for it"

I agree too, I'd have offered as soon as it was cancelled to re-imburse people - why should they lose out because of a change of heart. Sad that the relationship has broke down but not the guests fault. People may have said not to worry about the money but its only fair to offer given that the money for the actual wedding now wont be used bar the deposits paid.

However if counselling was going on before the wedding even took place it should have been delayed anyway. Who books an expensive wedding abroad whilst having counselling anyway - suspect the OP is the bride but wont admit to it.

For those who say the guests should have taken insurance, no travel policy would have covered this anyway so they may well have insurance but cant claim on it.