To feel depressed that exW took DSSs to Miami

[Bonsoir]

for a fortnight at Christmas and for them to have come back having gained a huge new Abercrombie & Fitch wardrobe and 4kgs apiece?

why is having an entire wardrobe from one store not right, Anna?

ex-W has taken her children on holiday, fed them whatever she thought was appropriate for that period and spoilt them rotten with some new clothes.

Seriously? This is nothing to do with you and you just bitter and bitchy, tbh.

You say DP is so disparaging of ex-W. How do you think the attitudes of you and DP impinge upon your DSSs? I have been in their situation and it makes you feel totally crap when one parent is continually slagging off the other. Your loyalties are torn and it causes great emotional distress. You may think this is not the case but I can assure you it is. Trust me. I'm a psychologist.

It's hardly controlling of parents to be very upset themselves when their children have upsets. Empathy, rather.

I'm not judging your step parenting, I'm commenting on things you have said yourself. Perhaps you should consider the fact that it's not for you to judge her parenting either, and likely to be damaging, conflicting and harmful to your step sons to know in what contempt their younger, thinner step mother holds their own (no doubt fallible but probably greatly loved) mother. Think of their future relationships with women, if nothing else.

meant to say "you sound bitter and bitchy"

x posted with tulpe.

Hahahahahaha

Oh I have been having rather a tough morning, but this has properly cheered me up. Thankyou so much

Nowhere did I say that DP is disparaging of exW. He is immensely supportive of her but sometimes it all goes up the spout.

Lovely! are you going to be like my dear ExH, who dispose of the things I buy to DS? Last thing I heard about this was that he put the toys I gave him for CHristmas in a bin bag and only agreed to take his favourite toy out because DS cried too much?

Perhaps you are far more smug of your skills as a step parent than you should....

Georgimama - there you go again, inventing things. Why do you think I am younger than exW?

Why do your friends and family keep asking you how much you weigh if it always stays the same? Is there not much conversation to be had in Paris these days?

Don't teenage boys have incredibly fast metabolisms? My stepbrother eats shit constantly and is still a skinny thing. Don't stress, they'll burn it off in a couple of weeks. Being depressed is a bit of an overreaction.

Maybe its Bonsoir's standard greeting. Hello, I still weigh nine stone. But in French and kilos obviously.

Historian 'still weigh the same?'
Bronze 'yes not a lb different'
Historian 'thats nice, see you next week'

But bonsoir, were the boys upset themselves?

Bonsoir, perhaps they needed so many new clothes because the old ones will no longer fit due to excessive weight gain .

Seriously though, it is easy to put on a few pounds on holiday even by doing something simple like having dessert after every meal (which is the sort of thing one does on holiday).

Also, if they are used to playing sport regularly then it is unlikely that they will have had as much exercise as they normally do.

There is nothing to feel depressed about - it does not mean that they have a flagrant disregard for how you are attempting to bring them up. I don't even think their mother has. She possibly didn't have the sort of example that you did as you were growing up.

Oh dear, doesnt everyone gain weight at Christmas?

Bonsoir - true, you didn't directly say he was disparaging but it is clearly implied within your arguments.

Seriously, I cannot believe that your DP weighed the children on their return. Even if you did think they had gained weight. Teenage boys - particularly active ones which they clearly are - will burn that 4kgs off in no time at all. Basically, to weigh them is to make them embarrassed and ashamed of themselves. Nice .

The weight gain happened over a 2 week holiday and I'm sorry but most people gain weight when lolling around on a beach and having long lazy lunches/suppers.

onebatmother - yes, very upset. DP's mother, who had seen them before us, this weekend, said DSS2 was in tears about it at her house.

Bronze I tell you, no good comes from only having WW leaders as friends.

I am quite sure I have read you say your DP and his ex ae both older than you elsewhere. If I am wrong, fine, scrub out the word younger. I think the rest of my post stands just fine and is something you should think about.

We had a class breakfast for the parents in DD's class in September. Lots of parents didn't know one another (classes are mixed up here every year, plus children had come from two separate sites). Everyone talked about their weight and how many kgs overweight or underweight they were. It's like talking about the weather here!

But perhaps he was upset because there are two important people in his life who make such a massive deal about weight and he knew he would have to face that and already feels like a failure if his weight isn't what DP and you approve of?

Historian -

Still waiting on how old the step dc are....

Also, bonsoir - if the ex has custody, how come you/DP do all the medical appointments?