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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel depressed that exW took DSSs to Miami

1003 replies

Bonsoir · 06/01/2010 10:41

for a fortnight at Christmas and for them to have come back having gained a huge new Abercrombie & Fitch wardrobe and 4kgs apiece?

OP posts:
Georgimama · 06/01/2010 11:25

Oh Anna, you have excelled yourself this time, you've got weight, vulgar holidays, clothes snobbery, your partner's ex-wife, her weight and your superior parenting into under 30 words.

You should do those cereal packet caption competitions, but then I suppose breakfast cereal is vulgar and makes people fat too.

Leave the woman alone FGS. She must think you are a total loon. If my ex husband's new girlfriend weighed my children after they returned from a holiday with me I'd spark her out.

fanjolina · 06/01/2010 11:26

I had a friend at school whose mother weighed her and her sisters religiously every Saturday morning. If friends were round, they got weighed in front of their friends.

They didn't have any problems in relation to this when they were your DSSs age. But mid-late teens onwards the problems really hit.

Two developed anorexia. One, tragically, died from it.

The other is very obese, in therapy, and has not been able to maintain a relationship or even keep her friends, such is the self-loathing she developed.

And all because their mum was obsessed with them maintaining a healthy weight. Fucking awful.

RumourOfAHurricane · 06/01/2010 11:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BooHooo · 06/01/2010 11:27

So she doesn't talk to them or give them cooked meals? or visit the school or Drs with them? I don't understand this at all...

ImSoNotTelling · 06/01/2010 11:28

Why would a family all know what each others weigh? Dad putting teenagers on the scales to check? Child desperate to realise he weighs the same as step mum? This is all really really unhealthy.

YABU to be so preoccupied with size and weight and to make such a song and dance about it with impressionable children.

Mongolia · 06/01/2010 11:28

Bloody hell! They couldn't be so bad if they were there just for a couple of weeks. Just for the record, rapid weight gain hardly stays there, more so if you are providing a healthy lifestyle, in 2 or 3 weeks they will be back to their normal weight.

I confess that I constantly feel irritated due to the way DS is fed (or better said, underfed) when he is with his dad, but a little bit of extra calories when they are so active and growing up is hardly going to make a difference in the long term.

ChippingIn · 06/01/2010 11:28

SerendipitousHarlot - because she is thin darling of course and after all, we all know that is all that matters...

BA - the kids don't have an eating disorder - nope, they just eat a lot when you aren't there with your ever so snotty nose making sure they don't eat one green bean more than you think they should... if you make them this fucking miserable about their weight now they will have eating disorders - but then, you'll only blame their mother wont you!

FGS - do you actually realise that being thin in not actually the be all and end all of being a good parent to these poor children?!

I do wish there was a function to hide some posters comments the way you can hide threads.

Original poster
Bonsoir · 06/01/2010 11:28

I did not weight the boys (I never have, not once) - DP did. He was very upset when he saw them.

OP posts:
Georgimama · 06/01/2010 11:29

I happen to know you don't weigh very much Anna because you have said so before - 55kg I think? So about nine stone. Height and age of teenage boy please. I bet weighing 9 stone is absolutely fine for him.

TheCrackFox · 06/01/2010 11:29

Why on Earth do they know what you weigh? How odd.

Mongolia · 06/01/2010 11:30

But Anna is not French, she lives in France though. But isn't she British?

Original poster
Bonsoir · 06/01/2010 11:30

BooHooo - no, she has really no idea what goes on at school at all, or with their health or anything. DP does it all (always has done). And she is rarely there to eat with them - they go out at weekends for meals, and in the week they have meals in front of the TV at their mother's house.

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 06/01/2010 11:30

i have often mused that anna probably lives in a one bed flat in slough. And is very overweight and/or a hairy man.

Original poster
Bonsoir · 06/01/2010 11:31

Why on earth wouldn't they ask me what I weigh? And since it never changes, the information is constant.

OP posts:
GibbonInARibbon · 06/01/2010 11:32

Me too ISNT

Georgimama · 06/01/2010 11:33

I refuse to believe you could tell that the children had put on that relatively small (and it will be rapidly lost again as others have said) amount just by looking at them. The two of you heartily disapproved of the holiday, you knew she would be giving them food you disapproved of, you knew they would probably have put on a few pounds (who wouldn't have done?) and you were both ready to pounce with the scales the minute they got through the door.

That's actually abusive in my book.

bruceb · 06/01/2010 11:34

hhmmmm.

"depressed"? YABABU.

Perhaps a bit disappointed that they gained quite so much weight - 4k in 2 weeks probably means they ate nothing but 'rubbish', and (perhaps) didn't do much else?

The bit about 50:50 residency is (IMO) a bit of a clue as to what your point really is.....you might want to address that with the ex-W.

I think, overall, YABABU.....

bronze · 06/01/2010 11:34

I'm pretty sure obsession with weight is as bad as being slightly overweight
though I'm not convinced that 9 stone isnt an ok weight for a teenage boy

Original poster
Bonsoir · 06/01/2010 11:35

Oh really Georgimama, that's a ridiculous post. I had no feelings whatsoever about their holiday (far too much going on here to think about it) and of course 4kg are immediately visible to anyone if you know them at all well.

OP posts:
zookeeper · 06/01/2010 11:35

Do you have children with your dp Bonsoir? You sound very bitter, judgmental and not a little twisted tbh.

ImSoNotTelling · 06/01/2010 11:35

Your weight never changes? Even by a gram?

What about after you've been for a huge crap? Or do you take a croissant into the lavatory with you to keep weight constant, like that thing in Indiana Jones where he replaces the artifact with a bag of sand to stop all the walls from falling in/

zookeeper · 06/01/2010 11:36

Is this a troll?

saltyseadog · 06/01/2010 11:36

Poor kids being subjected to a weigh in after a two week holiday . Best way to give them an eating disorder IMO.

Mongolia · 06/01/2010 11:36

"DP does it all (always has done)"

That's exactly what my ex thinks, that he does it all, obviously, has we don't spend ANY time together, he has no way to know what on Earth I am up to with DS in all that time he doesn't see him.

I remember dating a man whose children were absolutely ADORABLE. Even when the father was complaining all the time about how careless, and rubbish mother his ex was, I could clearly see that such wonderful children couldn't possible be the sole product of his 50% parenting.

MarineIguana · 06/01/2010 11:36

"Why on earth wouldn't they ask me what I weigh?"

I have never, ever been asked what I weigh by anyone except health professionals who had a good reason/insurance companies etc. No one in my personal life at all, ever. It's bloody rude and weird to ask someone what they weigh!

And don't go blaming your DP now - this is your attitude too. If it wasn't you would have posted (like I suspect most people on here would) "AIBU to worry about DP's obsession with his kids' weight?" Instead you were complaining about their weight too.

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