To feel depressed that exW took DSSs to Miami

[Bonsoir]

for a fortnight at Christmas and for them to have come back having gained a huge new Abercrombie & Fitch wardrobe and 4kgs apiece?

If she can´t take good enough care, why can´t your husband get full custody?

Yes, because they get the message from you that it's a massive issue! Whatever you think, weight is not the most important thing in the world. And whatever you think, it's a scientific fact that going on diets leads to ill health and on average more weight problems than not dieting. The best approach is normal, unrestricted, healthy eating and exercise and not making an issue out of it. Provide good food, don't make them go on a diet.

I couldn't care less about exW. I do care a lot about the DSSs' well-being.

diddl - DP could get full residency of the DSSs in court (easily) as exW's negligent parenting is well-documented. TBH he will probably need to wave that threat in front of her in the near future to get her to toe the line a bit...

And a fat mum is still their mum and can still provide them with love.

Bloody hell! Absolutely none of your business.

Actually this has really annoyed me. Her children, her choice. I expect they had a nice time didn't they? And for you to think it's ok for the mother to be called 'Jumbo' is disgraceful.

why did you need to make it known to him that he weighs the same as you then? such a focus on it is likely to give them ishoos.

an not really your place to question their new clothes. her kids. her choice what to buy them.

suck it up re the clothes and give them less food for a few weeks, then the weight will come up. but have a serious look at why you and DH make such a big deal of the weight, or you will end up giving them mental problems.

Where on earth did I say I thought it was OK for DSS1 to call his mother "Jumbo"? I don't think so - I think it's tragic.

Now was this an imaginary holiday in Miami?

oops - meant to write that weight will come off

Perhaps he should be getting full residency then, not titting about with threats to get her to "toe the line"

Perhaps you also make such an issue of food at your place that they go a bit mad when away from you?

Ok, apologies, you didn't say that. But do you chastise him for saying it? You are going to end up with two seriously fucked up stepchildren if you constantly push the weight thing, trust me.

Everyone knows that people should maintain a healthy weight. But they have been on holiday! Everyone puts a bit of weight on on holiday & at Christmas

How old are your stepchildren?

They are not my children, however I parent them a lot more than their own mother does! And she is more than happy to let me and DP do all the hard work.

I don't believe a word of it.

Examples? Of how you parent them more/better?

None of us have an eating disorder or food issues here. DP's exW does. Sadly.

Bonsoir i think you're a bit tragic to be honest.

You'd need to catch yourself on...those are her kids and if she wants to take them to miami for xmas (which is a great present for any kid) then that's her choice.

I'd love to see you threaten to take her kids off her because they gained a few pounds over christmas...if this was possible most of the country would lose their kids at christmas time.

And stop being so caught up on this weight thing, they are children...so they over indulged at xmas - big deal. Otherwise you will be responsible for them growing up with a distorted perception of themselves and that to be accepted we need to be of a certain weight.

If they are as active as you claim then the weight will drop off in no time.

We do absolutely every last thing to do with school/education/homework, every single last dentist/doctor/ophthalmologist etc appointment, arrange and pay for all out-of-school sports and music activities. We have all meals with them (proper home cooked) and talk to them. None of that stuff happens at their mother's house.

You should care about the ExW, in fact Bonsoir you should be getting along with her because it will really help the wellbeing of your DSS.

But this kind of french attitude to weight is hardly a surprise is it? Yes it's probably a healthier attitude than our english ones, but very self serving and smug nonetheless. Butt out would be my advice. Help them live a good lifestyle when they're with you, without the implicit disapproval and disdain, and I'm sure they'll come to it of their own accord eventually.