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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want photos of my dd and new dc posted on Facebook?

142 replies

mama2moo · 03/01/2010 20:23

I used to love Facebook but now there are so many people on it that I dont really like (ie dp's family) that Im starting to hate it.

MIL likes to post my photo albums to her profile.

I know its their family too but I hate the thought of strangers looking at my children.

Also, I have banned dp from telling anyone that Im in labour this time as Im sure that will posted on there.

AIBU or just hormonal?

OP posts:
Awassailinglookingforanswers · 03/01/2010 20:25

I suppose it depends on her privacy settings with the album. If she only has her friends allowed to see it (and she knows them all) it's not really (IMO) any different to her having photos of your DC at her house and all her friends seeing them when they go round iykwim. If she lets every tom,dick and harry see it then YANBU

Jamieandhismagictorch · 03/01/2010 20:27

This is why I don't like Facebook. The very fact that you can't control someone else's Privacy Settings, makes it uncomfortable to me.

lovechoc · 03/01/2010 20:28

ugh another FB saga...don't let her put photos on her FB page then, that way you won't worry about other people seeing your DC.

maristella · 03/01/2010 20:29

you can tag yourself into each pic of your dc's then set your privacy settings so that only YOUR friends can see pics of you.
yanbu btw

lovechoc · 03/01/2010 20:29

exactly Jamie, FB is truly sh*t.

Original poster
mama2moo · 03/01/2010 20:30

I would imagine her privacy settings are set to anyone and his dog looking at things.

I hate facebook now. I wish they would charge £15 then people wouldnt use it.

I hate the thought of people I dont know looking at photos.

OP posts:
Original poster
mama2moo · 03/01/2010 20:31

You cant do anything if someone posts your album to their profile. I have checked.

When she does it I just delete the album.

OP posts:
ButterPie · 03/01/2010 20:33

I really don't see the problem (unless you have some kind of "in hiding" situation) in people seeing pictures, surely it is just the same as them looking at you as you walk down the street?

Jamieandhismagictorch · 03/01/2010 20:34

I don't generally wear a very short Air Hostess uniform walking down the street

lovechoc · 03/01/2010 20:35

If you don't want these kind of situations to occur, then don't upload photos. Simple. You then have one less thing in your life to worry over.

Awassailinglookingforanswers · 03/01/2010 20:37

well I still don't see it as any different to

a) walking down the street (as someone else posted)

b) anyone she you don't know going into her house and seeing pictures of you that she has "in print"

Having said that - if she's getting it from your profile - change YOUR privacy settings so she can't see you albums and you're sorted )

Hando · 03/01/2010 20:40

I don't understand peoples problems with "strangers" ie friends of friends being able to see photos of their children. Unless you are (as the other poster said) in hiding for some reason.

Paedophiles do not friend MIL's in order to view the photos of Gc playing in the park. These perverts (very unfortunately) have their own ways of obtaining the sport of pictures that they do want to see (vomit).

Strangers see your children everytime they are at the park/walking down the street.

chegirlwithbellson · 03/01/2010 20:42

YANBU.

I dont think your children will come to any harm because of it but if it makes you feel uncomfortable - fair enough.

I have asked people to remove pictures of my DS2 because he is adopted and I really dont want his birth mother getting hold of his pictures (not because I am a bitch - she has horrible soft porn networking site pages and she likes to post pictures of the children on them).

One of my neices (adult) is using a picture of my DD as her profile picture and its upsetting me quite a bit. DD died nearly 4 years ago and I know she is doing it for nice reasons but she didnt ask me first.

FB is very odd and causes many problems IMO.

Original poster
mama2moo · 03/01/2010 20:44

Dp will upload photos I expect. He has done today even though he knows I hate it.

I dont even know why I dont like it. When dd was born I banned my sisters MIL from taking photos of her. I guess Im a bit weird.

She will want to see photos of dc2 somehow though. If I email them to her she will probably put them on bloody facebook.

Why cant we go back to life before Facebook!

OP posts:
RockBird · 03/01/2010 20:44

Agree with previous two posters. What on earth is the problem? So a stranger might see a photo, big deal. MIL issues aside, FB is no riskier than leaving your front door, unless you dress your kids in masks a la Michael Jackson.

Awassailinglookingforanswers · 03/01/2010 20:46

well if he's going to upload them anyhow - make him change his privacy settings so your MIL can't view the album

  • Send her printed copies of the photos you want to her have (doesn't stop her scanning it and emailing it like people did in the days before facebook, but after scanners).
lovechoc · 03/01/2010 20:47

leaving the house to live your life is necessary - FB isn't. that's the difference.

wannaBe · 03/01/2010 20:47

"I hate facebook now. I wish they would charge £15 then people wouldnt use it." What a ridiculous thing to say. If you hate it that much then delete your account, that way no-one will have access to your photos.

Fwiw I can sort of see why you wouldn't want the whole of the WWW having access to pictures of your children, as there have been documented cases of paedophiles lifting innocent pictures off the internet and doctoring them to add in pictures of abused children in order to make identification etc harder. In fact there was a mumsnetter who was suspected of doing exactly this..

However you can set your privacy settings so that friends of friends cannot see your photos, so as long as you trust your friends then this shouldn't be an issue.

lovechoc · 03/01/2010 20:49

you could always invite MIL round to your house and get out the photo albums (how old fashioned!!!!) and have a chat about your DC together. means just MIL sees the photos and it makes it all a bit more personal too. she won't be sharing them with anyone if you do it like that.

wannaBe · 03/01/2010 20:50

"I dont even know why I dont like it. When dd was born I banned my sisters MIL from taking photos of her. I guess Im a bit weird." yes that is weird imo.

lovechoc · 03/01/2010 20:51

agree with wannaBe - don't use FB if you don't like it. you can delete your account and then you wouldn't have to worry over these issues.

bibbitybobbitysantahat · 03/01/2010 20:51

When you pour scorn on posters who don't want people putting pictures of their children up on Facebook you just end up making yourself look ignorant. This issue has nothing whatsoever to do with paranoia over paedophilia (at least not in my case) - why does that stupid stupid argument get trotted out every single time?

Jamieandhismagictorch · 03/01/2010 20:53

To me it's not about paedophiles or anything like that

Awassailinglookingforanswers · 03/01/2010 20:54

well deleting her account isn't going to stop the MIL scanning photos of the OP's children onto her computer and putting them on her FB

Original poster
mama2moo · 03/01/2010 20:56

I have always been funny about people taking photos of my dd. I am worse now then I have been but I think thats because Im pg.

I used to love sharing photos on facebook with my friends but just not my dp's family.

I think I will delete my facebook account and set up another with privacy settings that means only I can ask for friends and cant be found IYSWIM.

I hope I settle down a bit once dc2 is born soon.

OP posts:
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