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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want photos of my dd and new dc posted on Facebook?

142 replies

mama2moo · 03/01/2010 20:23

I used to love Facebook but now there are so many people on it that I dont really like (ie dp's family) that Im starting to hate it.

MIL likes to post my photo albums to her profile.

I know its their family too but I hate the thought of strangers looking at my children.

Also, I have banned dp from telling anyone that Im in labour this time as Im sure that will posted on there.

AIBU or just hormonal?

OP posts:
Morloth · 03/01/2010 20:58

Once something is on the internet it is out there. If you can't pretty much accept that the whole internet has access to it, then don't put it up.

I don't see how you can stop MIL from putting the photos up herself, you could ask but she might ignore you, I suppose you could then complain to Facebook.

BonjourIvressedeNoel · 03/01/2010 21:05

I feel the same as the op. I also think its wrong to post pics of children on their when they are not old enough to decide whether they want to have there pictures freely available on the web. I upload all my pics to smugmug, also to back my photos up, and password my albums. My mum can see the photos on the net, and forward the link to friends if she really has to, I retaincontrol and change the password frequently.

Facebookaddict · 03/01/2010 21:17

Can you guess my standpoint? ... Don't like it, don't do it. Surely all resolved with little word to MIL about her privacy settings ( talk up paed concept if u must). For me, photos of gorgeous DC to be shared with family and friends in four continents in a way that was impossible before FB!
Each to their own and you ANBU at all with the safety of your own DC regardless of preg hormones!

RockBird · 03/01/2010 21:20

So this actually isn't about FB at all. It's about your feelings towards your in laws. You loved FB photos for your friends but not your dc's family? Okaaaay...

Awassailinglookingforanswers · 03/01/2010 21:23

the only way to (almost) guarantee that no photos of your DC end up online without your consent is never to upload any yourself, never send any by email to anyone else, and never give anyone any printed copies of them either.

My brother has uploaded a photo of me (that I quickly untagged ) that was taken 25yrs ago - before scanners even existed..........

GrumpyFish · 03/01/2010 21:24

I feel the same OP. Not sure that I can explain why, but was very upset when BIL created an album of photos of my DS... he has hundreds of friends (i.e. everyone he's ever met on a night out) so it wasn't just to share with his nearest and dearest. Maybe I felt like he was using my son (who he barely knows - visits maybe twice a year despite living fairly close by) as a bit of a trophy? I have now banned all family from posting pics of DS on Facebook, and have stopped posting my own pics too due to others linking to them. Think this has been perceived as crazy behaviour, though!

Hando · 03/01/2010 21:26

Ok, so if it's not about paedophiles (I used that argument as I assumed that was what it was about) and not counting people with exceptional circumstances such as crazy ex's or adopted kids - what is it about exactly? Why do those of you who have said never mind Facebook, you don't like people tkaing pictures of your kids at all, why do you feel that way.

Why do those of you who say you hate people taking photos of your children feel that way? We went to a wedding recently and my dd (5) was a chatty sociable little pretend waitress as always. One lady (cousin of bride, who was my dps friend) had her photo taken with dd and came and asked me if I mind if she puts on Facebook with the other wedding day pictures. I thought it was odd she asked, but see now why she did. It's only a photo remember, not your actual child being put out into society.

I love photos of my dd I have loads at home for all visitors to see, lots of albums and more recently I always post them on Facebook and although I have my privacy settings set I am aware that friends of friends or friends of my mother or MIL may see them.

Just aside- Chegirl.. what is it about your niece using the photo of your dd that upsets you? Is it that she put it online without you asking or that it was already online and she used it as her profile picture. I think your case is far different to the Op's given the sensitivities surrounding the circumstances. The reason I ask is because I have often found old pictures of my dd's father, who died last year - I always post them on Facebook (so my friends and family who knew him and his own friends and family who I am "friends" with can see them). I also sometimes have his photos as my profile pic as I like to look at him. Now I'm worried that his family may see this as odd, or be offended.

Awassailinglookingforanswers · 03/01/2010 21:26

Well I have over 300 "friends" on my FB...........less than 100 can see my photos

lovechoc · 03/01/2010 21:32

wow - 300 friends, that's quite impressive! how do you manage to get in touch with them all regularly? do you win a prize from FB if you have a certain amount of friends on your account? not being sarky, just curious...

Morloth · 03/01/2010 21:32

Random strangers have asked to take photos with DS. In the Rocks in Sydney he was extremely popular with young, female, Japanese tourists for some reason. And we have been asked by a couple of tourist Indian families in Regents Park.

He is clearly a gorgeous child. You know it never even occurred to me to say no? What possible harm could it do?

Awassailinglookingforanswers · 03/01/2010 21:38

300 "friends" is nothing compared to some people I know - who have 1000's

they're mostly on limited profile and so can see bugger all except for my game posts LOL - added for playing Farmville etc.

Scotia · 03/01/2010 21:38

Ah but Morloth, none of those asking for photos were your in-laws

RockBird has hit the nail on the head IMO.

Hando · 03/01/2010 21:41

But Morloth, these people then have a photo of your dc, which could then lead to... erm, well people claim they aren't worried because of paedophiles, so erm, well - perhaps because a photo steals a bit of their soul?

Honestly - I find it crazy too. Far too many things to worry about in life than to be a nutter about photos of your children.

I have 200 friends on Facebook. I don't friend people I don't know. Knowing means have met at least a few times, know their details, usually their family and more oftent han not lots of their friends. I don't get in touch with them all regularly. Some are people who I was friends with for years at school, may comment on each others pics, have chatted once or twice in the past couple of years etc - not all live in the UK.

Morloth · 03/01/2010 21:42

Damned MILs wanting to show off pictures of their grandkids. Just where the fuck to they get off? I mean really, anyone would think they loved them or something?!

On that note, goodnight!

Hando · 03/01/2010 21:42

My last post bit was in reply to lovechoc by the way - nothing to do with photos of dc on Facebook.

Montifer · 03/01/2010 21:45

There are 30 pics of DS on Facebook and I haven't taken or posted any of them (all posted by friends / family etc)

I don't mind particularly, but find it a bit weird.

I know where you are coming from and don't think YABU.

glasgal · 03/01/2010 22:26

Create a list of your friends called "see family photos" and set you privacy settings for your photos to "only some of my friends"-"custom"-"see family photos".
Set up faceless pages for your kids and set so that only they (you) can see photos tagged of them. Then go through her albums and tag them.
Or ask her to remove pictures of your children from her page.
Or defriend her.
In future dont let anyone you dont trust take photos of you/your kids.

CeeUnit · 03/01/2010 22:34

YANBU I am on facebook but never put my DCs on and have requested my brothers don't either. Don't really know why - just doesn't feel right.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 03/01/2010 22:36

Hando - I don't want photos of me or my family posted online without my consent. It's about consent. I'm not on FB but I have had photos of me put up by other people I don't even know. If I want people to see my photo, I show them myself.

wolfear · 03/01/2010 22:50

This is the way things are now thanks to sites like FB. If you don't like it, you should get off it.

Hando · 03/01/2010 22:55

But why Jamie? Why is it a problem if a loving friend/family memeber posts a much cherished snapshot of them with your dc? In what way does it harm/bother/affect/concern you?

As I said before a photo is just an image, they are not passing your actual dc around their friends.

Hando · 03/01/2010 22:56

But why Jamie? Why is it a problem if a loving friend/family memeber posts a much cherished snapshot of them with your dc? In what way does it harm/bother/affect/concern you?

As I said before a photo is just an image, they are not passing your actual dc around their friends.

Scotia · 03/01/2010 23:01

It's the OP and her DP who are posting the photos. The MIL is copying the photos of her DGC to her own page. She couldn't do this if the photos weren't posted on there in the first place!

CybilsDrivel · 03/01/2010 23:03

Jamie I agree with you, my SIL takes pics all the times and posts immediatley on FB without asking. Winds me right up

onagar · 03/01/2010 23:27

Someone asked what was the difference between people seeing the picture on FB or people seeing DCs when you go out the door.

Someone did reply by saying that going outside is necessary. Does this mean that those who fear FB also fear people in the street seeing the DCs? If not why not? what IS the difference?