DP and his attitude to food and me in general!

[dmmum]

At my mums over xmas, lovely, can relax eat food not do too much.

First I am overweight not grossly but 2 kids n PN depression,not the best mix to be a size 8!

He watches everything I eat, making little comments or just looks! So when he goes for a nap/out alone/or with kids I over compensate and then hate myself.

Both of us get to lay in coz parents get up with the kids. But if I get up later than him I get sarky comments, I dont say anything to him if other way round.

Also am p'd off that he gives loads of attetion and affection to DS's but i barely get anything - except a nudge in the back in the morning - you know what I mean!

Am just so fed up, been together for nearly 20 years and keep thinking do I want to spend next 20 like this - he wasnt always like this.

Sorry a very long rant but needed to get it off my chest.

"Dittany must be overweight - or a scientist."

PP, perhaps she's both

"And yes, help is avaailable on the NHS for fatties"

Is that the technical term?

PP am almost (clearly not actually) speechless at that comment. Why would you assume that Dittany is overweight because she refuses to accept the sweeping generalisations made about health/weight?

And, even if she were/is it doesn't negate her opinion.

Oh, and for the record, I'm not overweight either. Absolutely bang in the middle of the normal/ideal BMI.

Cocolepew - best answer to OP so far. I'm with you.

Dittany No PP, I'm actually offended by unscientific claims made about weight and health

Exactly what is unscientific and why are you so easily offended?

If you are saying that not all fat people are "unhealthy" then I'd say how do you know that given that being overweight is a risk factor and even if they look/seem healthy now, they might die prematurely, in the same way that not all thin people are healthy.

But TBH I think you are being a little bit awkward and splitting hairs over casual comments.

Are you also one of those people who doesn't believe in the "scientific" links between smoking and cancer?

Sleigh- have you heard of a little joke? A little leg pull? Having a sense of humour?

And yes, fatties is a technical term- cannot be arsed with all this stupid pc stuff.
Obesity=fatty. There. Said it.

Hopefully I'll be one of the last people to wade into the thread-hijack about women's weight and how it is perceived. I'm a lurker, but feel utterly compelled to post a reply here. Well. I call it a reply, but let's be honest and call it a foaming rant!

Even though much of the discussion has focused on the health implications of being overweight, there are totally unmistakeable elements of spite and condemnation being flung indiscriminately at the idea of fat women.

I am appalled by some people's assumptions that it is OK to judge fat women for their appearance - i.e. they must ALL be lazy and generally lacking in the mental wherewithal to control their swinish greed. Add to this the bizarre announcements of some that they manage to gobble down poorly nutritionally-balanced food and still maintain their nymph-like physiques (I'm sure); why on earth is this a useful addition to the debate?

In short - it's not. It's bullying. It's ganging up on the weakest member of the group - which in this case is a hypothetical fat woman reading this thread. It's playing up to the ancient stereotype that, deep down, us women have nothing better to do with our lives than compare our appearances. A stereotype which some of us have worked awfully hard to try and escape.

I would even go a bit further and say that, as evidenced in this thread, one of the most pervasive forms of misogyny is that which women inflict through judging how other women look. It prioritises superficiality over ability. It's a misogyny which pumps billions of pounds into the manipulative cosmetics industry; which has launched a thousand eating disorders; which proves daily to men that women are a bunch of cruel, dim-witted bitches who would sooner be complimented for their arse than for a meaningful achievement.

It makes me fucking sick. It also makes me sound like a total mental case who would not be trusted in the M&S lingerie department with a box of matches - but I would like to try and reassure you that I'm not a fierce Doc Marten-and-dungarees-wearing battleaxe. Just a lady who has unlimited conpempt for those who think they are superior to others by fitting into a smaller dress size.

Yeah, you fell into the massive beartrap there PP. Big fail.

Darling Dittany-you couldn't help resorting to tell us all that you're slim, could you?

"My BMI was 21 the last time I checked and I eat three good meals a day plus a snack. Not a scientist either."

I missed your link- have seen it before anyway. But I prefer not to carry excess weight even if it means I will die younger.

good post undertone.

Not sure if you classify me as an anti-fattist, Dittany, but an overweight person, not just woman, surely has stress put on their heart by virtue of being overweight. The more weight, the harder the heart will need to work?

But Inmylittlehead, people don't accuse thin women of being "shallow, self-obsessed or mental". Thin women are envied, admired and generally made much of.

As I said earlier, I am "overweight" - or shall I rephrase - I have been thinner. Yes, I used to eat less and exercise more but at the same time, I was smoking loads, taking the odd recreational drug and drank heavily (this is all pre-kids, you understand)Was I healthier? Dunno really.

I just hate the way that it's OK to be nasty about anyone who is fatter than Cheryl Cole and the vitriol is disguised as concern for their health or even more pathetic, concern about fucking NHS resources.

It's not just the heart that is put under strain- almost every disease including cancer and diabetes is linked to diet and weight.

Dittany dear- let's just leave it eh? Whatever anyone says with which you cannot agree, you will have a go at them. I could debate all night with you, but it's pointless. Go and cook your dinner or something.

Nice post, Undertone.Not sure I agree that the dieting industry causes eating disorders but apart from that, well said. Same to Tryharder.

Does anyone on this thread have no overweight friends?

PP are you really saying you'd rather be thin and die younger than if you carried a bit more weight?

"And yes, fatties is a technical term- cannot be arsed with all this stupid pc stuff."

Riiight. Not sure the NHS literature uses that exact term, PP but then I suppose it's just political correctness gone maaad, isn't it?

Undertone, you should post more often

Can't believe that you are STILL going on about weight. I said already (and so have others) that this was NOT what the OP was about. It is a relationship issue, not a question about weight and health.

Has the OP been back? I have to admit I would have run away if I was her.....

Bariatrics is now the term for obesity in the nhs. If anyones interested. dittany which page is your link on i have too many kids to trawl through at the moment.

Oh, they so do Tryharder. I suppose you tend to focus on whatever criticisms you see as being levelled at you or people like you (so if you are overweight, you pick up on criticisms of overweight people more, and if you're a skinny thing ditto). But I have noticed that in RL as well as in the media, it seems more acceptable to say 'Oh, you're a bit thin' than 'You look a bit fat' precisely because thin is seen as the 'elite' thing. It's like it's OK to have a go at David Cameron for being posh, but not to say John Prescott is common as muck.

I am, technically, a little bit underweight according to BMI (I have seen my GP and he is not concerned as my body seems to be functioning fine) but my family still seem to think it's OK to say 'How's the anorexia going?'. I posted a while back saying that my DP wanted me to be bigger, as he wanted my boobs to be bigger as it made him fancy me more. Many people immediately said 'He is worried about you, you should listen' and 'Don't you want him to find you attractive?'. And then when I said my BMI (17.6) they said well that is too thin, you are outside the range. Whereas if I had said 'My DP doesn't fancy me cos he says I'm too fat, my BMI is 26' I don't think they'd have said the same.

I'm not saying there isn't prejudice about people being big though, but it's been pushed a bit more underground recently I feel.