DP and his attitude to food and me in general!

[dmmum]

At my mums over xmas, lovely, can relax eat food not do too much.

First I am overweight not grossly but 2 kids n PN depression,not the best mix to be a size 8!

He watches everything I eat, making little comments or just looks! So when he goes for a nap/out alone/or with kids I over compensate and then hate myself.

Both of us get to lay in coz parents get up with the kids. But if I get up later than him I get sarky comments, I dont say anything to him if other way round.

Also am p'd off that he gives loads of attetion and affection to DS's but i barely get anything - except a nudge in the back in the morning - you know what I mean!

Am just so fed up, been together for nearly 20 years and keep thinking do I want to spend next 20 like this - he wasnt always like this.

Sorry a very long rant but needed to get it off my chest.

Don't get me wrong, I do want to lose weight, I am carrying an extra couple of stones post-DS. I could, however, just do the Atkins and it would be gone in 3 months, but I know it would be back again (and more)in 2 months after that. I want to break this vicious circle once and for all.

"Two days is two days too long. It's also calorie restriction by portion size. Restricting calories is one of the reasons women are in this terrible mess with food and body image."

Yes yes yes.

And it's a spiral. Say the two days worked, then hmm, how about 3 days. And on and on.

Restricting calories leads to people wanting to restrict more and more.

"Eat less, exercise more" If this was the best ideal for diet then a year ago I was very healthy. I was a size 10, I exercised twice a day for an hour at a time. And I ate 1 slice of toast a week.

Xenia has a much healthier view on food. Which I'm going to try and take on board, so thank you Xenia.

I haven't missed the point at all, so don't be so rude.

Yes, I have a go at my mother - but that's another story.

I agree that Xenia has a good approach. I am a diet coke fan too and drink far too much. Will be knocking that off of our shopping list I think.

Xenia, please advise re my dh. I eat alot. People are astonished that I don't put on weight. I dish up exactly the same portion size for my dh as I give to myself. Yet he weighs 20 stone and I weigh under 10. Infact not only our 3 healthy meals a day, but I eat loads of stuff both healthy and unhealthy , that he doesn't eat.
Our GP has called us to an appointment this afternoon to talk about him having his stomach stapled.
We both agree that if we told her what he eats she wouldn't believe him, because normally to warrant that weigh you would have to be gorging on 10 packets of crisps pre 10am.
He cycles to work, eats three meals a day and little else. we drink at home once a week - quite a few beers. we have a cup of tea and maybe 5 biscuits say once a week. thats it. honest.
I simply can't work out why the man is so big. And I do know a reasonable bit about nutrition. Surely my rose tinted spectacles are not so bad that they are making me totally in denial.

What do you think ?

Oblomov, has your GP ruled out thyroid problems?

Oblomov I think that once you have got fat, eating a normal diet (calories in equalling calories out) simply maintains it. It's a bit tricky to get your head round though.

So if you weigh 10 stone or 20 stone, and then eat at a normal level you will stay the same. To gain you would have to eat more, to lose less. The fat is already there and just sort of sits there, not doing anything, not getting more or less, just being there.

It is a bit of a mind bender but once you realise it, it makes sense. Which is why losing weight is so bloody hard.

The man is so big because he eats more than he needs to (or as ImSoNotTelling said, he has in the past). You may think you eat a lot but clearly you eat enough, rather than too much. It is oh so simple. Thyroid problems do exist but are relatively rare, much rarer than people who eat too much.

Ob, he needs to eat fewer calories than he expends - stomach stapling is awful. He should try a lot of other things first and surely 20 stone isn'tbig enough to staple a stomach.

Noone left the concentration camps fat, did they? So all those people syaing big bones, genetics, metabolism... most of them are lying through their teeth. But what you want is not crash diet but new diet for life. So he can give up drink for a start. Drink only tap water and no tea or coffee being caffeine isn't that great for you and people put lots of milk and sugar in there. So that's his drinks sorted out for the next 6 months. You'll save a lot of money there.

Secondly give him 2 poached eggs and 3 slices of bacon and a small slce of brown bread with no butter every morning.

Then for lunch we will let him have a big piece of chicken with some brown rice and raw carrot in his lunch box.

Then nothing until dinner. Then he will have with you grilled salmon, spinach, broccoli and then 2 or 3 small potatoes probably still in their skins. Let him eat that for 3 months only or foods equivalent to that and see if he loses anything.

Xenia, and others, thanks.
His diet is:
cup of tea and 2 slices wholemeal toast with butter.
A roll, muller light youghurt, banana, cereal bar.
Dinner, minted lamb chops, steamed brocolli , caulifloer and carrots, and maybe 6 new pots.

I will have to cut our portion sizes. and find lower calorie options for him.

I swear it is still a mystery to me. I have been on a high fibre low fat diet for 35 years of my diabetic 36 year life and know the carbohydrate content of anything. But clearly I am missing the point re him.

Ob, how much alcohol does he drink? There's a surprising amount of calories there, and in other soft drinks, coke etc. And are you sure he doesn't have any sneaky snacks, e.g at work?

6 becks, once a week.
not really, he is not a secret snacker. I would have noticed over 10 years.
don't get me wrong . that is his average day.
standard. but sometimes he will have cheese and biscuits at 8pm, say 6 crackers and cheese. or every 2 or 3 days he will have small quiche. or 6 custard creams with a cup of tea. or share a tube of pringles with me.

but he doesn't gorge. not like you think a 20 stone man would. on 5 sausage rolls or a whole packet of biscuits, pre 10am. he doesn't do THAT. honest.
I dish up HUGE portions. a roast filled to the brim, pilled high. I know that I need to re-dress his portions. and mine actually.
but please don't think that a 20 stone man NECCESSARILY gorges on 15 cakes and 25 sausage rolls per day, followed by a curry and 15 pints, becasue my dh certainly doesn't.

he eats. he snacks. not every day though. and i still maintain he doesn't eat his weight. I eat more shit than him. Honest. it really is true.

I think a fist is a good measure. I will eat a handful of brown rice, a piece of meat which is the size of my fist and veg which is the size of my fist. We've just been away for a week and some meal portions were for one person what 3 of us would eat.