DP and his attitude to food and me in general!

[dmmum]

At my mums over xmas, lovely, can relax eat food not do too much.

First I am overweight not grossly but 2 kids n PN depression,not the best mix to be a size 8!

He watches everything I eat, making little comments or just looks! So when he goes for a nap/out alone/or with kids I over compensate and then hate myself.

Both of us get to lay in coz parents get up with the kids. But if I get up later than him I get sarky comments, I dont say anything to him if other way round.

Also am p'd off that he gives loads of attetion and affection to DS's but i barely get anything - except a nudge in the back in the morning - you know what I mean!

Am just so fed up, been together for nearly 20 years and keep thinking do I want to spend next 20 like this - he wasnt always like this.

Sorry a very long rant but needed to get it off my chest.

I did not claim size 18 was clinically obese; I was asking someone to give me a weight of someone who was a size 18, so a BMI calculation would be possible. If I was a size 18 (going on the basis that when I was a stone heavier I was a dress size bigger), I would be clinically obese and I am an average height woman. I know BMI isn't perfect, but it is used by doctors as a general indicator.

Don't worry about it.

Dittany asks: Do thin people never have furred arteries then? Is there a direct link between weight and clogged arteries?

Yes. Yes.

Actually ladies, the best measurement of your health is your waist to hip ratio. Measure you waist and hips and divide your waist measurement by your hips. Over 0.85 and you are at risk for heart disease and diabetes.
Ditto waist measurement itself- over 32 and your risk of heart disease is much higher- it's todo with the fat and type of deep fat that is stored round your abdomen.

Also, you won't find a man ; evidently men like women with a w/h ratio of 0.75 or less as it shows they are optimumly fertile.

Dittany- despite your requests, I am not here to educate you completely. all this info is out there on the web if you care to dig around for it.

You are a bit of a pedant at times, you know!

Thin people can have furred arteries if they have high cholesterol or fatty diets and do no exercise. Fat people tend to have furred up arteries as fat accumulates there. If you want to know more, do your own research.

Gosh - some of you are pathetic. We have an OP who sounds as though she has a controlling partner constantly maiing comments and it all seems to have descended into name calling and demands for links to this or that study. Get over yourselves and start looking at definitions of domestic violence.

Cannot believe how aggressive some posters are. Sadly one or two names rear themselves yet again.

What about a bit of support for the OP instead of trying to top each other with "my lonk is better than yours".

And moondog - some of your posts were nothing more than namecalling. Nice.

There's a direct link between smoking and lung cancer but not all smokers get lung cancer.

Don't bother with us, dittany. We are all evil fembots under the control of men. I am personally a reincarnation of Wallis Simpson and believe that if your husband can't get his hands round your waist then you're a massive fatty.

Here you are Dittnay- it's Xmas so I am being charitable- read it for yourself.

www.bupa.co.uk/health_information/html/health_news/111105obesitymeasure.html

Had a quick look through this thread and agree with what Dittany has written.

I personally hate the way that people justify their hatred of and nastiness towards fat people by disguising it as concern for their health.

I'm 5'9 and a size 14 - 16 - weigh a lot, always have done and am "obese" in accordance with the charts. Even when I was a size 10, I weighed 11 stones. Must have heavy bones or something . But I am in perfect health, lowish blood pressure, look OK, certainly more healthy than my 8 stone colleague who has gone off work with suspected osteoporosis and multiple broken bones probably caused by excessive dieting and food restriction.

Yes, if you weigh 20 stones or 4 stones, your weight is likely to affect your health but other than that....

Tryharder- read the BUPA link re weight and waist/hips- it is more up to date than BMI.

oh go your own way Dittany- you seem to be just looking for a spat. If you refuse to believe any medical evidence re. weight, BMI, waist/hip then that's up to you. I've got better things to do than try to convince an anonymous person on MN. Not sure if you are playing devil's advocate, are just plain bored, or an awkward cuss.

But surely if one is overweight, then one's heart is having to work harder thus putting stress on it?

The question is not about whether or not being overweight is unhealthy; the question is, why are people reacting to overweight people in such a manner?

Are smokers judged in the same way? Or drug users? Alcoholics? They are also unhealthy- yet a modicum of empathy is reserved for those who turn to drink or narcotics; the assumption is often that they must be a sign of a deeper malaise. Smokers are given NHS support to quit.

Or would the advice to them also be 'just stop doing it'?

" don't like the sizeism that is so prevalent in our culture which leads to all manners of issues around food and eating disorders."

So do you get equally annoyed when people accuse women who are slimmer than average of being shallow, self-obsessed and mental?

Dittany must be overweight - or a scientist.

Weight is such an issue in our society because it is well, such an issue! Obesity is an epidemic.

And yes, help is avaailable on the NHS for fatties- go see your GP and get help- they subsidise gym subscriptions etc etc for 3 months.

To the op, next time he makes a remark or look, stab him with your fork.
Get help for your PND.
If you feel you are too overweight make an effort to lose it.
When your H nudges you in the back poke him in the eye.
Think hard about how you want your relationship to be. Sit down with your H and discuss it.

Low blow, pp! (doubt she's a scientist, but I purposely didn't make any comments about possible weights of posters, as thought it was below the belt and fairly unfounded)

I do find it quite odd that people get in such a tizz when people are a bit on the slim side when obesity is putting far more pressure on the NHS.