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Original poster

DP and his attitude to food and me in general!

388 replies

dmmum · 27/12/2009 16:09

At my mums over xmas, lovely, can relax eat food not do too much.

First I am overweight not grossly but 2 kids n PN depression,not the best mix to be a size 8!

He watches everything I eat, making little comments or just looks! So when he goes for a nap/out alone/or with kids I over compensate and then hate myself.

Both of us get to lay in coz parents get up with the kids. But if I get up later than him I get sarky comments, I dont say anything to him if other way round.

Also am p'd off that he gives loads of attetion and affection to DS's but i barely get anything - except a nudge in the back in the morning - you know what I mean!

Am just so fed up, been together for nearly 20 years and keep thinking do I want to spend next 20 like this - he wasnt always like this.

Sorry a very long rant but needed to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
Tortington · 28/12/2009 19:56

Dear OP,

ignore all these horrible people on this thread, who are using your serious relationship issue as a means of one up manship.

I think that you need to investigate your relationship further, becuase by no means are you overweight at a size 8. Infact, deending on your height, you may be underweight.

However weight is not the issue, It is not ok for a partner in a relationship - be they male or female, to passively aggressively control the other partner on any issue.

You obviously know that this is wrong which is why you started a thread about it.

tethersjinglebellend · 28/12/2009 20:06

Custy, you have misunderstood the OP- she is not a size 8.

"2 kids n PN depression,not the best mix to be a size 8!"

fairycake123 · 28/12/2009 20:08

Custy, I do not the read the OP as "I am a size 8," I read it as "My current life circumstances are not conducive to my being a size 8."

ImSoNotTelling · 28/12/2009 20:09

She's not a size 8.

Just read through all of it since last post yesterday to see return of OP and she's not here! Should've read your full post first custy.

OP says "First I am overweight not grossly but 2 kids n PN depression,not the best mix to be a size 8!" ie she's not a size 8.

Tortington · 28/12/2009 20:10

i apologise at having misread the op.

why are we assuming she is a size 18?

ImSoNotTelling · 28/12/2009 20:12

We have no idea how big she is, hence speculation and range of responses.

Kaloki · 28/12/2009 20:15

nellie12 "The average catwalk model in the 40's was size 12." Is not, unfortunately, true. They may have been an old size 12, but sizes have changed since then, they were more likely a size 8-10. So still bigger than models now, there was definitely no "size 0". For example Marilyn Monroe is talked about as a size 14-16, that is in vintage sizes not modern. For me personally when I was a size 14 (modern) I was a size 18 (vintage).

ImSoNotTelling · 28/12/2009 20:17

No idea custy. Everyone appears to be assuming something different, some people appear to be assuming lots of things, some have gone off totally half cocked while others look on consuming chocolate.

I count myself in the latter camp.

AvrilH · 28/12/2009 20:20

custy, she's not a size 8, she blames her lifestyle for that

I was on the other side of that situation - my DH began to binge eat, put on an awful lot of weight quickly, and was miserable about it. He hated the way he looked, hated the belching and farting that went with it, hated outgrowing all his clothes.

I wanted to be supportive, wanted to encourge him to eat less, excercise more. But I couldn't seem to do it without offending and upsetting him. When someone you love, who is overweight and getting more so, sits on front of you gorging on chocolate it is very hard to hide your dissaproval at their self destructive, self indulgent behaviour.

I worried about my DH's health, I also worried that I would lose all physical attraction for him. I tried to talk sensibly about it when he wasn't eating - but he was hypersensitive about it, and I couldn't seem to get through. Then one day he sorted out some photos, realised how far he had gone, and started eating more healthily and going to the gym regularly. He did not lose much of the weight he had gained, but his weight stabilised, he looks (and smells) better, and we are happier than ever. I no longer feel the need to nag.

OP - how is your PND being treated?

Oblomov · 28/12/2009 20:20

disagree with ali. am sure that lots of overweight people do have self esteem issues. but not all do.
i know more average weight people with huge self esteem issues. i know quite a few big people who are not nearly as bad esteem wise.

dittany · 28/12/2009 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dittany · 28/12/2009 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImSoNotTelling · 28/12/2009 20:36

Thing is when I was thin I managed to find things with my body that I wished were better.

Now I am bigger I wish I were thinner.

For many (most?) women and increasing numbers of men, being dissatisfied with your own body seems to be the norm. Whatever body you have, you always want a better one.

It's not to do with how actually fat or thin etc you are. How extreme it is probably depends on how comfortable with yourself you are generally.

The point with the OP is that her OH is being a total shit as far as I can see. How she feels about herself is one thing, being told in a nasty way that she is too big, whether she is or isn't, is a totally different thing entirely.

Oblomov · 28/12/2009 20:37

I have an unhealthy BMI. Apparently. Overweight. apparently. thats funny. becasue no diabetic consultant has ever suggested losing weight to me, in the last 35 years.
I do wonder.
I wonder at ali, aswell.

purpleduckUnderTheMistletoe · 28/12/2009 20:38

this thread is bonkers

The poor op is probably terrified to post as she will be pounced upon by people demanding to know what size she is.

It has taken my breath away that people really think that anything over a size 10 is fat

Pantofino · 28/12/2009 20:45

But what has ANY of this got to do with the OP? We have no clue how much she weighs or what her BMI is, or whether she is happy or unhappy about her weight.

She is unhappy by the way she is being treated by her dh. That may or may not be unreasonable, but noone has a fecking clue, cos everyone one is off on fattie-slagging exercise.

ImSoNotTelling · 28/12/2009 20:45

I carefully turn a blind eye to the waist/hip ratio stuff as it's not something you can do anything about. Either you're a "pear" or an "apple" and if you're an apple (like me) you are unlikely to meet the "healthy" criteria however thin you are. Plus surely by that definition most men are totally fucked, while women who are "classic pear shapes" can be absolutely humungeous and that is fine...

I find it really unhelpful when they say "apple shapes all going to die young" as you can't change where your body stores fat

Oh and plus undertone great post earlier.

dittany · 28/12/2009 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

purplepeony · 28/12/2009 21:27

"I carefully turn a blind eye to the waist/hip ratio stuff as it's not something you can do anything about..."

what a weird thing to post!

err, I am afraid you can. Lose weight and it will come off your waist if you have put it on there.

ImSoNotTelling · 28/12/2009 21:37

Um if you are apple shaped, you are apple shaped, no matter how large or small you are. You cannot change your fundamental body shape. Even when I was 7 stone I would not have met the ratio.

Have you never seen a person who is "straight up and down"? No men built like that, or women?

It is a well known and not new indicator of increased disposition to heart disease. However it is not an indicator that you can do much about if you are built a certain way.

It's a bit like saying "people over 7" tall don't live as long on average as shorted people". Even if it were true, it's not something that you can do much about.

Hence turning a blind eye.

Original poster
dmmum · 28/12/2009 21:38

Hello sorry not been back on DP took me out last night and today. He apologised for behaviour.

I came on on my period! So would explain my mood when did original post. I do need to lose some weight but I am an emtional eater and I have seen a counsellor, and I recognise my problems.

DP in past has helped loads with me he jusr gets frustrated with emotions.

He is a great DP I jusr need to explain myself better. Thanks for all you contructive ideas.

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 28/12/2009 21:39

Hmm that would be 7 foot rather than inches!

mathanxiety · 28/12/2009 21:40

The OP's problem is not about weight, but about her H's obnoxious attitude to her. My guess is that he would still find some kind of stick to beat her with even if she was a svelte size 6. He has found a lot of other 'issues' with her already; weight is one of many criticisms she mentioned. Weight is a red herring here; clearly some posters have not been able to see beyond that one aspect of this.

ImSoNotTelling · 28/12/2009 21:43

Hello dmmum!

This was quite a thread you started! I'm really glad you are feeling better today. Also that your DP apologised and he isn't an arse after all

GypsyMoth · 28/12/2009 21:44

op....think you are kidding yourself now...come on,nothing to do with your period