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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the council should not be leaving a single mum, with her three children to kip down on her mothers floor

290 replies

ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 26/12/2009 21:21

I am not entirely sure of all the details but i just feel that the situation my niece is being left in is not right, as in, i think something has gone wrong with her local council housing system.

So, she is 23 has three under three, her partner left her when she was pregnant with her third - he just disappeared. Hes a twunt apparently, well rid. They had a rented place but he didnt pay the rent so they were evicted. Because of this, the council told my neice she was "intentionally homeless" and woudlnt put her on the waiting list. Eventually she contacted her MP who contacted the council, as it was not my niece who was evicted but her partner who she now has nothing to do with. She was told she was a priority case and was given a password for the online bidding system. She since has her third child and informed the council - now, this is second hand, but apparently she was told this "we have changed the system now, you are now on the bottom of the list and you can expect to be living on your mother's floor for the next three to five years".

She has three children, she sleeps on the sofa and the children are sleeping in travel cots. Her mum basically lives in her bedroom, although why its like that i dont know - its a three bedroom housing association house, but there is the my neice, her mum, her brother living there - the third bedroom which was my nieces is a box room and apparently being used for storage.

This cannot be right?? Surely, leaving aside the fact that she was less than sensible to put herself in this situation by not sorting out contraception after the first child, there are still three children living in unacceptable conditions. Apparently, my niece is coping very well but it must be so hard for her.

She does not get on with her housing officer and feels she is prejudiced against her for getting the MP involved in the first instance, i cant say whether this is true or not.

What can she do?? Can she not rent privately and claim housing benefit? The council have told her they wont support her in this.

As i say, i don't know the full situation but wondered if anyone has any advice for organisations to approach etc - people to write too, appropriate thigns to write to the council to make sure her case is being handled properly.

I dont want to say where she lives in case she is a mnetter. But i know it varies from council to council. I just find it hard to believe that someone in her position wouldn't be on the priority housing list.

OP posts:
coldtits · 27/12/2009 21:18

can I point out that if cleosmam is working, she will be paying rent, and therefore the 'lovely apartment by the sea' will be paid for by herself.

Don't let that stop the rivers of bile though.

Pantofino · 27/12/2009 21:23

You have to admit that was NOT the impression she gave in her post though....

coldtits · 27/12/2009 21:24

You have to admit you jumped to the conclusion that because she is a single parent, she is stealing your income tax

Earlybird · 27/12/2009 21:30

Fwiw, Cleosmam has posted elsewhere that her dd is 9 months old, and that she (the mum) has PMT and was recently diagnosed with stress. No indication that she is working, or has the ability to work.

Agree that she didn't do herself any favours though with the 'helpful' advice to OP on how to skirt 'round the rules though.

CleosMam · 27/12/2009 21:37

ok are u aware that i had NO choice. cleos dad ran out on me when she was 2 months, how could i work?

and i say 'gorgeous' yeh it is.. to me, it is because i was sleeping on the floor for a month before that. to all of u who think that the only people who claim benefits are characters off shameless, its a tower block in an extremely rough part of portsmouth.

i HAD to lie about where i was living because if not id be left homeless. nothing to do with greed TRUST ME

dont u think if i could afford to work i would?? i was merely stating that the system IS bad because i had to lie to the government so my daughter and i werent sent to live in a hostel full of crackheads

come live in the real world for a week, maybe u'll change ur ignorant assumptions then

Pantofino · 27/12/2009 21:37

"i know its lying but tell your niece to move in with a friend (fake, literally for a day not even over night)tell the council thats where shes living and she'll have a house within a few weeks."

No, it was this comment that did it.
I know nothing else about her.

Pantofino · 27/12/2009 21:41

I HAD to go back to work when dd was 5 months old to pay the bills. I live in the real world, last time I looked at least.

Original poster
ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 27/12/2009 21:43

Strix: i am absolutely not a member of he "entitled to" club - if you had bothered to read my posts throughout this thread you would see that, i have described a situation affecting a young girl with a very low IQ and little family support (apart from her gran, my MIL, who with the best will in the world is giving her poor advice). I was a young single mother and i hated being on benefit, so i did get myself an education and a means to support myself thankyou very much.

With regards to contraception, i dont think its an issue now - for several reasons, but of course, this is something that should have happened in the first instance!! her mother should have bloody well made sure she was sorted with reliable contraception - im at how she just doesnt seem to see past her own nose. Her daughter is in shit street and she can help her, but she just doesnt seem to want to know

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 27/12/2009 21:43

'cleos dad ran out on me when she was 2 months, how could i work?'

I went to work when my DD1 was 2 months.

I was so depressed, I was still suicidal.

I went all spaced out on every kind of dope they'd prescribe me.

But it was so I could get my child OUT of a dire estate.

Your advice will most likely get this girl dumped into a B&B with the kids.

And the OP stated already that if the council did offer her accommodation, it would likely be in a dire area.

That's the last place a vulnerable woman with 3 little kids needs to end up!

OP, you're a very caring aunt.

Please help her get a private let somewhere FAR from an estate.

CleosMam · 27/12/2009 21:46

ok come live in my world and trust me you will think very very differently. i would have less money if i went back to work, and im already struggling on the amount i have now.

im doing whats best for my dd, if i went out to work to be "moral" and not "scrounge" then wed be even more broke than we are now

go figure

expatinscotland · 27/12/2009 21:47

When I had DD2, I had been in my good job for a couple of years.

Still had to go back after 18 weeks because couldn't afford to lose even 10% of my pay and still keep the kids fed and warm.

Rainbowinthesky · 27/12/2009 21:48

Cleosmam - don't really buy that. Lots of people have to go to work and earn less than they would on benefits but you get so much more out of working than not. For one thing eventually you'll earn more than you lose.

expatinscotland · 27/12/2009 21:49

ijust, she still needs to sort out some long-term birth control because it's entirely possible she will meet someone new shortly.

it's the biggest favour you can do her, tbh.

Rainbowinthesky · 27/12/2009 21:50

My understanding of the point of benefits is for people who are in dire need for a limited amount of time until they are able to work rather than as a long term plan. Naturally there are exceptions to this and this is where the money should go e.g. people with disablities. I would much rather my taxes go to them rather than people who are fit and able to work with children who can go into childcare easily.

CleosMam · 27/12/2009 21:51

so instead of concentrating on getting better and not wanting to kill yourself you went out to work to 'get out of a dire estate'

sorry but that doesnt make any kind of sense to me.

and having a flat [regardless of the area] is better than living in one room with ur 3 children.

and where does it say she is vulnerable?

id rather spend my time recovering from pnd and stress than making it worse by going out to work and being broke as a consequence

Pantofino · 27/12/2009 21:51

OP, if her IQ is so low, and she has no family support, I fail to see how SS can fail to get involved in the long run at least. She obviously needs MUCH more support than she is currently getting.

If her mother cannot/will not help, is there another family member that can? What about the father of the children? I fully agree with expat that the b&b scenario is the LAST thing the poor girl needs.

Rainbowinthesky · 27/12/2009 21:53

I would rather live on a floor with 3 kids than live in a flat in a dire area personally.

Original poster
ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 27/12/2009 21:55

expat, i seriously doubt it, im stunned she even gotwith this guy tbh. im not able to advise her regarding this though - just not that close if you know what i mean, im just able to pass on practical advice re numbers etc, via her nan, no real personal contact

OP posts:
Pantofino · 27/12/2009 21:57

I would rather support my own family than live off benefits if it was at all possible.

I purposely did not have dcs at a young age for that very reason - I could not afford them. I expect to be flamed to hell for that one though....

But this is me, and not a reflection on the OP.

CleosMam · 27/12/2009 21:58

i never said it was long term, as soon as i have to stop taking my beta-blockers ill be getting Degree and a part time job so i can afford my bills and get the hell out of here!

but sometimes its better to think long term than just rushing out and getting a shit job that pays nothing. to make a better life for my daughter ill wait a few months.

for god sake climb off your high horses, ive paid so much tax in my life already, and of course it would be better if i could get a job, but for how long? if i got a minimum wage job [which is all id get] then me and cleo will be stuck here forever.

shes all that matters to me

CleosMam · 27/12/2009 22:01

honestly i could care less what u all think

i know im doing whats best for my dd so screw the pompous lot of you

p.s i could afford my dd until her dad left me out of the blue when she was 2/3 months old

Rainbowinthesky · 27/12/2009 22:04

Good for you, cleosmum for doing a degree.

Pantofino · 27/12/2009 22:04

So why is her dad not supporting her?

Rainbowinthesky · 27/12/2009 22:05

Cleosmum, I think people are assuming you are very young as you come across that way in your posts.

Pantofino · 27/12/2009 22:06

I'd like to do a degree. Strangely I would have to pay for it and i am too busy working.