To think that the council should not be leaving a single mum, with her three children to kip down on her mothers floor

[ijustwanttoaskaquestion]

I am not entirely sure of all the details but i just feel that the situation my niece is being left in is not right, as in, i think something has gone wrong with her local council housing system.

So, she is 23 has three under three, her partner left her when she was pregnant with her third - he just disappeared. Hes a twunt apparently, well rid. They had a rented place but he didnt pay the rent so they were evicted. Because of this, the council told my neice she was "intentionally homeless" and woudlnt put her on the waiting list. Eventually she contacted her MP who contacted the council, as it was not my niece who was evicted but her partner who she now has nothing to do with. She was told she was a priority case and was given a password for the online bidding system. She since has her third child and informed the council - now, this is second hand, but apparently she was told this "we have changed the system now, you are now on the bottom of the list and you can expect to be living on your mother's floor for the next three to five years".

She has three children, she sleeps on the sofa and the children are sleeping in travel cots. Her mum basically lives in her bedroom, although why its like that i dont know - its a three bedroom housing association house, but there is the my neice, her mum, her brother living there - the third bedroom which was my nieces is a box room and apparently being used for storage.

This cannot be right?? Surely, leaving aside the fact that she was less than sensible to put herself in this situation by not sorting out contraception after the first child, there are still three children living in unacceptable conditions. Apparently, my niece is coping very well but it must be so hard for her.

She does not get on with her housing officer and feels she is prejudiced against her for getting the MP involved in the first instance, i cant say whether this is true or not.

What can she do?? Can she not rent privately and claim housing benefit? The council have told her they wont support her in this.

As i say, i don't know the full situation but wondered if anyone has any advice for organisations to approach etc - people to write too, appropriate thigns to write to the council to make sure her case is being handled properly.

I dont want to say where she lives in case she is a mnetter. But i know it varies from council to council. I just find it hard to believe that someone in her position wouldn't be on the priority housing list.

Cleosmum - what did you do before you had your dd? Could you not build on that experience rather than having to be considering minimum wage?

cleo - dont be made to feel bad about your situation, i was in exactly the same position although i was lucky enough to rent privately. I hated being on benefits and as soon as i was able i went to uni - i could never have afforded my rent ande living expenses if i worked back then. No way, even without having to pay for childcare.

Now my DP works and we have a DD, we get far less than we would on benefits, but he can afford to work at leaset.

Walk a mile in someone elses shoes before judging!!!

I

LMAO at panto "i'd like to do a degree" you clearly havent else you would realise how hard it is, and with kids too - well done cleosmum, i did the same thing too - best thing i ever did, keep at it.

I have to say I'm with CM here. I can't understand this single mother bashing here. There is a value in having and raising children. The state will expect all these children to work and pay tax. They'll be funding our retirement and nursing care in old age- we have a declining population in the UK remember.

I don't personally see why in Cleosmam's case she should leave her daughter in daycare to go and stack shelves etc.

In the case of expat and other mums on this thread it seems they had rather better jobs to go (back) to (correct me if I'm wrong). I have also worked through severe depression and PND but then I loved my job and wasn't in minimum wage repetitive work with my kids in poor quality care.

Interesting that you assume the people objecting to others not workign and claiming benefits have never had to make similar choices.

I agree that it's not right to fiddle your benefits/housing or play the system. But sadly there are many people who do, that's a different issue. From what the OP says, it seems unlikely that her neice has done that. I personally think the best thing is to go to housing office asap and find out about rent deposit scheme and the max housing benefit she would be entitled to. And then start looking for a private landlord in a suitable area.
cleosmam i think you were brave to admit to having played the system. Especially on here!! Good luck!!

Panto, pretty much everyone has to pay for degrees now. But if you don't enjoy your work, I really would consider taking out a loan or even (!) investigating what government help might be available (precious little I agree if you earn a wage) for a qualification that might help you get one you would enjoy more.....

I dont' think you can knock Cleosmam for trying to do the best she can for herself and her daughter. If you were in her situation would you staunchly go out and work in Sainsbury's if there were ANY other way you could secure a better future for your dcs?

What wrong with stacking shelves and leaving your kids!
Lots of people do it. Is cleosmum a better parent than them?

Why are we knocking all the single Mum's left trying to bring up the kids as best they can? Surely the venom belongs with the feckless fathers who have just buggered off & abandoned their offspring?

Yes, because people who work in supermarkets are awful and have no future....

Getting out of that dire estate WAS part of getting better, cleo.

See, that's where I wasn't failed by my parents and by the society where I grew up.

I couldn't concentrate on 'getting better' in a place like that.

I still can't!

That's why I'm not there anymore and why we keep going onwards and upwards!

You think you're never going to be broke?

Well, guess again.

My eldest and my DH have severe learning disabilities.

But you know the biggest one DH had?

It was the belief that that was a clause to get out of life free and expect everyone else, the government, society, etc. to be the first port of call in dealing with it, rather than himself.

Pompous?

You'd really laugh out loud if you saw where we are living now.

And that's the whole problem.

People who think this is the solution for them and never, for once, believed, that that is bullshit and they deserve something better, and to go for it, no matter the swings and roundabouts en route. Hell, those are even part of the fun.

A whole generation of people who think, 'Well the council put me here. Fuck it.'

Even for now.

Your posts are some of the saddest I've read in a while.

"They'll be funding our retirement and nursing care in old age- we have a declining population in the UK remember."

Dream on, I worked for a decade in an area with third generation unemployed. Families where grandparents, parents and children had never had a full time permanent job.

Oh, geez, thanks.

I waited tables and stacked shelves.

here here betsy - i hate all this fecking parent bashing that happens on here sometimes, im a SAHM, my partner works, i get made to feel guilty for that choice - WTF?? MY choice same as a mother who choses to work, just because my choice is different doenst make her choice any less valid.

I have all the info i need from this thread now, thanks everyone - will pass it on - i will leave you lot to your bitching

Good posts, expat.

If Cleosmam wants a better higher paying job in the future and wants to look after her very young daughter herself in the meantime I think she should be supported in that.

My point of view would be different if she were a single person with noone to care for. In that case of course she should be working.

And btw I do think minimum wage employment of any kind is not generally enjoyable- I have worked myself in various low paying jobs because I needed money. I wouldn't have wanted to leave my kids in poor quality childcare to do so. I think there is a value in childrearing and the state should acknowledge that rather than forcing women out into minimum wage jobs and thus depriving their dcs of parental care.

Oh, and I think the dads should bloody well contribute too. Too often they disappear- it's bloody criminal.

No, often going to work isn't enjoyable and sometimes it's, like, you know, hard work.
Sometimes you have to leave your kids as well to do it.

And anyone who's been here any length of time and knows my posts (I never namechange) knows I have always believed the absent parents are the first port of call.

My dad was on the other day about 'single mothers'.

My first and always response is, 'What about the men who left them.'

TWO parents = two sets of responsibility.

But don't sell yourself short.

Screw that!

OP, you never know! PLEASE get this girl sorted out so she doesn't have another baby by some other loser.

er, yeah, i do know that Rainbow. I am a single working mum.

Do you not think at times it's better to support women to get qualifications that might get them out of the low-wage trap?

The state ought to bloody well educate its citizens as well as forcing them to work for corporations at low cost- but that's another argument.

Cleosmam's doing the best for her daughter and people on here are slagging her off for the minuscule amount of taxpayer's money she is receiving in the process. If she were a banker she'd be receiving millions more. But presumably that would be fine, because bankers do real work not childcare.

I think I disagree with you on some basic points. I don't go with this whole entitlement from the state thing for able bodied people with able bodied dependents. Much rather pay my taxes towards people who are unable to work rather than those who choose not to.

one more thing - i have never asked about playing the system and i dont think cleosmum did that either.

But often people don't know how the system works and miss out on things that they are entitled too. We missed out on about 12K worth of tax credits because i wasn't aware of our entitlement

fair enough Rainbow, each to their own

I am an old leftie. I do think at least some of what Goblinchild describes (the cycle of poverty and unemployment) might be alleviated if the state actually tried to train people properly rather than expecting them to work forever in McJobs.

another point is that people who are adequately trained and educated to do skilled jobs pay more tax back in the future so everyone wins.

me too I justwant!!!

I only cottoned on to tax credits a year too late (I didn't think you could claim them if you were separated) and missed a whole year of them! thousands....

"come live in the real world for a week, maybe u'll change ur ignorant assumptions then
"

She does live in the real world. One where those of us that work are taxed to the eyeballs to support those that don't.

Personally I would stack shelves in Sainsbury's yes. Been there/done that on the menial work front. Because I am an able bodied woman who can work!

So I worked, PT from 16, when I was still at school. I fully understand how hard it is to do a degree. And I have worked full time in a professional job with a baby.

I am not single mum bashing. I just don't get why being a single mum dictates that you HAVE to live on benefits. Why should a single mum not have to work like I did to pay the bills. (My DH worked but earned much less than me until very recently btw). I do agree that the cost of childcare has a negative effect but this doesn't last for ever.