To think that the council should not be leaving a single mum, with her three children to kip down on her mothers floor

[ijustwanttoaskaquestion]

I am not entirely sure of all the details but i just feel that the situation my niece is being left in is not right, as in, i think something has gone wrong with her local council housing system.

So, she is 23 has three under three, her partner left her when she was pregnant with her third - he just disappeared. Hes a twunt apparently, well rid. They had a rented place but he didnt pay the rent so they were evicted. Because of this, the council told my neice she was "intentionally homeless" and woudlnt put her on the waiting list. Eventually she contacted her MP who contacted the council, as it was not my niece who was evicted but her partner who she now has nothing to do with. She was told she was a priority case and was given a password for the online bidding system. She since has her third child and informed the council - now, this is second hand, but apparently she was told this "we have changed the system now, you are now on the bottom of the list and you can expect to be living on your mother's floor for the next three to five years".

She has three children, she sleeps on the sofa and the children are sleeping in travel cots. Her mum basically lives in her bedroom, although why its like that i dont know - its a three bedroom housing association house, but there is the my neice, her mum, her brother living there - the third bedroom which was my nieces is a box room and apparently being used for storage.

This cannot be right?? Surely, leaving aside the fact that she was less than sensible to put herself in this situation by not sorting out contraception after the first child, there are still three children living in unacceptable conditions. Apparently, my niece is coping very well but it must be so hard for her.

She does not get on with her housing officer and feels she is prejudiced against her for getting the MP involved in the first instance, i cant say whether this is true or not.

What can she do?? Can she not rent privately and claim housing benefit? The council have told her they wont support her in this.

As i say, i don't know the full situation but wondered if anyone has any advice for organisations to approach etc - people to write too, appropriate thigns to write to the council to make sure her case is being handled properly.

I dont want to say where she lives in case she is a mnetter. But i know it varies from council to council. I just find it hard to believe that someone in her position wouldn't be on the priority housing list.

Personally, I agree that families who no longer require a large house be moved to a smaller place. However, there has to be some level of understanding when deciding whether or not to move the person out of their home. Such as the situation you described - I would find it difficult to remove a widow from the only home she had ever really known with her husband.

On the other hand, my MIL is living in a large 3 bedroom house on her own. Her children moved out almost 3 years ago, but nothing has been done. I do not think it is fair that she has all of this space when the OP's neice desperately needs the space for her children.

There cannot be a black and white rule I don't think - but surely this rule is a good thing if it frees up more homes for families rather than single people.

The other issue is that a lot of council tenants have had to invest sheloads of money into their homes.

If you talk about moving someone like your MIL out, how about all that money she put into the home to improve it?

I disagree with moving people out to downsize them, mainly because why should someone who's a good tenant have to move on so someone who made a bunch of bad choices can move in?

I see your point expatinscotland, but in my MIL's case, she hasn't really invested anything in the house.

yes, annie, but then comes the issue of judging, 'Well, you haven't done much with this property, so off you go so someone who's 23 with three kids can move in.'

and, personally, bet your MIL is far quieter than this gal with three kids.

i know whom i'd rather have as a neighbour!

I know it's not an ideal situation and I know it would be much easier to just boot everyone out once they no longer require the space but that seems so intolerant to me.

Perhaps my dislike of MIL is colouring my judgement on this one? It's possible.

'I know it would be much easier to just boot everyone out once they no longer require the space but that seems so intolerant to me.'

Boot them out to where?

See the problem is not that simple.

I know it isn't a simple issue. I think I said from the beginning that it isn't black and white and there has to be some compassion and understanding for circumstances.

Perhaps the previous comment was too flippant, but I fully understand the issue.

with regards to the "downsizing" debate - a good deal of council tenants do so by choice, much the same as home owners. Everyone is different. My aunt owned her own home, but when her husband died she didn't want to live there on her own so she moved to a smaller house. My mum wants to stay in her council house, she has lived there for over 40 years and her mum actually lived in that house before that. It was all very different when they were settling down - it was almost a choice, social housing or buy - my parents were certainly not on their uppers. My aunt and uncle downsized from their four bed council house, by chioce, my ILs are considering doing the same because FIL battles with the stairs. I know that there are incentives offered for downsizing in this area. But it should be down to choice.

It is wrong to blame the lack of social housing on older tenants not downsizing, it was the huge sell off of council properties that has caused the problem and it has never really been redressed.

My daughter lives with her BF at his parents home (owned) and we own our house. My daughter and her BF both work and will need to get their own place soon as his parents want to downsize. Buying impossible, renting, extortionate - but they are looking into part buy part rent schemes. No bad choices there - just the situation faced by many young people in this country (and others i guess).

I cannot understand why we have a situation where you basically have to be destitute to qualify for social housing. Surely, if it were run properly, it could be made to work for everyone - nurses, teachers etc etc, those on low wages.

When i sit and think about it, my head hurts actually. We live in an area that i popular with wealthy second home owners and people wanting to move down from london to have families. This has pushed the house prices out of the reach of locals with local low paid work. Fortunately for us we bought before our town became so popular - now we never would be able to afford to buy. The government have allowed a situation to develop where house prices have caused an increase in the need for social or subsidised housing, but have allowed councils to sell off properties and not supported further investment in social housing - its bound to go wrong.

Can the 3 adults involved not pool their resources and rent a bigger house?

no morloth i dont think they can, the mother works at sainsbury, the daughter obviously only has her benefit, and the son works part time for minimum wage. They could never meet the cost of private rent in that area - my MIL three bedroom terrace next door house, rents out for £1200 a month. Madness!!

I think it would be easy for them to get a bigger HA house, four bedrooms maybe - but i think the situation is that the mother doesn;'t really want her daughter there. There is no reason why the adult son can't move out or move in with his father to help his sister out, but he told his nan that he has his bedroom just how he likes it and it would be too much hassle to move the fish tank

I do feel so sorry for my neice, it would almost be easier for her if her family were to turf her out

A three bed house in my area is between £900- £1,000 PCM. Which our council will pay on HB ONLY if you have 3/4 DC's, a mix of Girls AND Boys, and different ages. I was lucky to get my 2.5 bed house (3rd bed is 5ftx9ft, so not big enough for double bed,council actually classes it as unsuitable for over 10's) after waiting 2.5 yrs in a tiny 2 bed with DD and 2 DC's. I'm now back on the bidding list for a full size 3-bed, but am about 100th on the priority list after 2 yrs. The council here will pay the deposit through the deposit guarantee scheme, but they only do that in EXTREME circumstances. While I agree that OP's DN is in an awful situation, she is NOT homeless. I have been homeless, whilst pg and having a 3yr old, I ended up in a grotty B&B for 6 months before getting my old flat. My best advice is that the mum wrotes a letter evicting her daughter on XX day, then DN will have to put up with a B&B until the council houses her/ gives her a more suitable banding to bid from, our council has houses from as far afeild as 40 miles away in another county, and HA homes, but none locally , and I can't move my DD's school. YET. Good Luck, and I think the eviction route is the only real option, as it will gain DN a higher priority (experience talking).

'Life is about choices, some are good and some are bad.
If you cannot learn valuable life lessons from the bad choices you make then why should you expect everyone else to pick up the pieces?
I am fully aware that we never know what is around the corner. I have had more traumatic life experiences than most people could cope with.'

Being unable to pick yourself up again is pretty much a sound definition of mild LD you know.Its about learning fromexperienceas much as IQ (if itwereIQ based LD the kids would be incare, has to be under 60).

that's compassion; understanding that somepeoplecan't do what the rest of us can, i;ve been down and very very out and am fortuante to have had the wherewithal to creep up each time- so I can totally appreciate someone with any extra difficulties can't do that.

I think I'll be facing issues when the DC's are older, as DD and DS2 are unlikely to manage living independently, and my current house is unsuitable for 3 or 4 adults....

When I was growing up in the 70's, and my mum got ill ,my GPs 3 bed council house was home for a couple of years to 5 adults, 1 teenager and 3 dcs under 4. We survived, there was no other alternative. Bedrooms were arranged in the most sensible manner. The adults all worked, at least part time and the childcare got juggled amongst them and a crèche.

I was strongly encouraged NOT to repeat the cycle of early babies. It must have been very hard going for my GPs who could have assumed they were due a bit of peace and quiet at that point. But this was a family looking after it's own. Which is the way it should be IMHO.

The state is there to provide for those who need Really need it's help. Trouble is that it is seen as a free for all that means you don't have to dwell too hard on the consequences of your actions.

I think the family should continue to help the LD niece and her 3 dc as much as possible.

First on the list should be sorting her out immediately with some effective birth control. Three dc under the age of 3 is more than a handful.

Well we all live in a one bed house. Me and 2DS 11 and 7. Their friends never sleep over. 3 beds in one room and no space to swing your arm let alone a cat.

Went to housing office to complain about my situation and was told I should consider myself 'lucky'

Sometimes I literally don't want to come home, and sometimes I break down and cry when my 11 yr old ds needs his own space and prefers to sleep on the living room floor.

With the mice.

I know several families with 5 kids living in 2 bed homes.

But they don't complain.

They do say, 'I shouldn't have had more kids.'

I find it interesting that no one is talking about the father's responsibility here: only how the taxpayer should flip the bill for this very young girl and her three children. Does she work? Is she getting an education so she can work and support her three kids at some point? Is she doing anything to hold the father accountable for his responsibilities?

OP, you sould like a devout supporter of the entitlement club.

I believe this girl needs help getting on her feet. But she needs to be willing to stand on them when she gets there. The councils role is not to support her just because she'd prefer for someone to give her her own house for an undetermined length of time. Wouldn't that be nice. We should all be so lucky.

the girl has learning disability, Strix and the father disappeared and can't be traced.

again, i think the top priority needs to be to get this girl an implant or IUD so she won't have another baby with the next guy who comes along.

A "mild learning disability" could mean so many things. It's hard to take that into account -- unless there is more detail below which I missed. Lot's of people with learning disabilities (such as dyslexia) go on to be hard working and successful employees and even employers.

It sounds to me like she has more self esteem issues going on here, which is sad, and yes she needs help. But, I haven't seen anything on here to suggest she is trying to help herself.

So I don't really understand how the government or the local council have failed her.

I do see she is in a bad situation, at least partly of her own making and she will need a helping hand out. But I for one would be happier about my taxes lending that helping hand if I thought she was going to take some responsibility and learn from her mistakes.

And I would track down that bastard x of hers and hold him accountable in any way I could.

its because shes staying with a family member the same happened to me, i was sleeping in my mums bedsit on the sofa.
i know its lying but tell your niece to move in with a friend (fake, literally for a day not even over night)tell the council thats where shes living and she'll have a house within a few weeks.
thats what i did and now ive got a gorgeous apartment right by the sea

Paid for by who, CleosMam?

Well I am no longer a UK taxpayer (though was for nearly 20 years) but I agree with Shiregirl. Some people just take the piss, whilst the rest of us work to pay for them.

There are plenty on MN who need lots more help than they get - because the pot just isn't big enough. I would give THEM my cash given the choice.