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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Potential fraud?

411 replies

DontKnowWhatToDoNext · 22/12/2009 14:30

I am prepared to be flamed so go ahead but WWYD in my situation?

In brief - DH and I split up last year. 6 months ago, I lost my job due to depression and have since started getting better, have been living on benefits since then with DH paying maintenance for our 3 DCs. I have been desperately trying to get another job but my sickness record at my last job has gone against me. Last month, I was given notice to quit my rented house because the landlord wants to sell - runs out end of Jan.

Over the last few months DH and I have been giving our relationship another go and fell into bed last month (definitely not planned) and I have just found out I'm pregnant which was not supposed to happen . We have discussed it at length and want to get back together (we split up because we have been through a lot of shit over the last few years and blamed each other and basically were hating each other all the time). Time apart has helped sort that out and he has been round almost everyday to see the kids so they have not been that badly affected.

Now I had been to the council (before I found out about the pregnancy) and told them that I am about to be made homeless and they basically said that I would have to find another private rent or they would put me in a B&B.

Now bad as this sounds, I want to try for a council house (even if it means a B&B for a few months as the rents are so high in this area (1000 for a passable 3 bed and now I will need a 4 bed which will be about 1200) so do not intend to get back with DH 'officially' until this happens. DH works but only brings in about 1800 a month and we will never be able to live on his wage in private rented especially as I won't be able to work with a baby and I can't stand the insecurity of having to move all the time (we have moved 3 times in the last 3 years). I am also bankrupt and will not be able to private rent unless I have a guarantor which I don't! Part of the reason for the problems with DH and I were financial as we lost everything (including our own home) when his business went under a few years back. He will also have to go bankrupt soon as his debts have been hanging around and with another child to pay for, he will not be able to pay them.

DH has his own flat and is not actually living with me so AIBU and a total scumbag to try and get a council house as a single parent??

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 22/12/2009 22:15

There's a thread on this troll somewhere.

Let me have a look.

It did another one about drinking too much, but someone had it pulled because it hit too close to home for her.

makkapakkamoo · 22/12/2009 22:15

If you are married but living apart you are still a couple in DSS and Housing terms. You are not if you are not married and living apart, but you actually have that certificate so yes this is fraud if you are currently in a relationship with your dh.

maybe you should lower your standards in terms of which areas you look at private rent. a 4-bed house is only NEEDED by a family with 6 dc not 4!

purplepeony · 22/12/2009 22:15

what are you on about with this bloody boxroom- is this a code word that a troll plants?

Mad. all mad.

RealityIsRoastingChestnuts · 22/12/2009 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 22/12/2009 22:17

Reality, boxroom troll's drinking thread was totally different from this one, too.

ilovemydogandmrobama · 22/12/2009 22:18

I remember the drinking too much one... wasn't your addiction M & Ms expat... almond M & Ms. Yum!

Awassailinglookingforanswers · 22/12/2009 22:19

haven't read the thread.

But

the council won't give you a 4 bedroom house, when you're still pregnant with number 4, and even if you had number 4 chances are you'd still only get a 3 bedroom house.

And yes - I think you're being a scumbag by trying to get a house a single parent given what you've written in your OP

expatinscotland · 22/12/2009 22:19

I can't get almond M&M's here .

So I have to content myself with peanut ones.

Mmmm.

I bite each one in half, just like my dad does.

It's the only way to eat an M&M containing a nut.

GypsyMoth · 22/12/2009 22:20

i have 5 dc and qualify for a 4 bed.....each area is different

RealityIsRoastingChestnuts · 22/12/2009 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 22/12/2009 22:21

don't think tis boxroom nutjob

too roundabout

I think peeps need to calm down though, there are going to be some busted blood vells on this thread !

it's just not worth getting so angry < takes deep breaths >

Awassailinglookingforanswers · 22/12/2009 22:25

oh and having read the first few posts.

I'll have an income of..........oooo wait for it, £1200 a month (that's including, IS, CTC, CB and a little I'll get to keep from my organ pay) - which I'll be paying a £500 mortgage out of from early next year, 3 children. I'll get no help with my housing as the house is in DH's name, mortgage company won't let me on the mortgage because I'm not working so I won't get mortgage interest relief, and I won't get HB either. No life isn't a bed of roses, it sucks like shit at times.

But I wouldn't do what you did.

DH and I got back together earlier this year (after seperating for 18 months), when that happened the amount of debt to pay off each month increased and our "income" (as he doesn't even HAVE a job) dropped. I still told DWP as soon as we were back together as just because you're not cohabiting doesn't mean you're not living in a couple. If any of that £1800 comes into your house in any form you're in a couple.

smokinaces · 22/12/2009 22:34

makkapakkamoo

"If you are married but living apart you are still a couple in DSS and Housing terms."

Not always true. I am married (on paper only now) but my husband left 6 months ago. HB only take into account my earnings - all they care about is proof he is paying some form of maintenance that they can then discount. They dont care that I am married as I am living alone as a single person. I have single tenancy on my council house (they agreed to sign it over to just me) and single person on my council tax.

ilovemydogandmrobama · 22/12/2009 22:35

have a look here, expat

Awassailinglookingforanswers · 22/12/2009 22:38

agree smokinaces - DH and I were seperated for 18 months, and it was permanent (well intended to be - obviously we have tried again), I was able to claim as a single parent straight away, even though "on paper" we were still married.

When he moves out in the New Year I will once again claim as a single parent (legally).

smokinaces · 22/12/2009 22:41

Awas, seems there is a level of trust in claimants which is obviously where some fraud comes in. But how would someone prove they arent together when they are married without divorcing straight away (which I wouldnt be able to afford or do until 2 years has passed) - and if it takes 2 years what would those truely single mums do for money in the meantime? You need that level of trust in claimants in the benefits system IMO, its just a shame some people take the piss.

sorry to hear your marraige didnt work out. UnMNlike hugs your way.

expatinscotland · 22/12/2009 22:43

oooo, ilove!

99p for a wee bag, though?!

[sob]

justsue · 22/12/2009 22:56

YANBU you do what you have to do to make your family's life better and have a great xmas..

Quattrocento · 22/12/2009 23:06

If this is a troll (a boxroom troll?) it fails miserably to be entertaining. I like a funny troll, I do. That Rosemary Woodhouse, for instance. Or maybe the sexual technics lego bloke.

Is the boxroom troll funny, at all? Worth doing a search?

Hando · 22/12/2009 23:16

OP, I can't decide if YABU or if YANBU.

You have clearly had a shit time recently - bankrupcy (for whatever reason) is demoralising, marriage break up, depression, lost job etc. Now you are going to have a 4th child and I think it's great you and your DH are going to try and make it work.

I do not think you are a scumbag or commiting fraud. As far as I can see you are planning on using this opportunity as one to try and get yourself on the social housing register and hopefully find a permanent stable home for your dc. You may not be able to work things out with your DH, so you may find yourself homeless again in the near future. I think, although I agree it's not morally sound, in your situation I would probably do what you have proposed. Then once you get back to work you will be able to pay your own rent as it will be lower due to being social housing and if it doesn't work out with your DH then your kids will have a roof over their heads still. Fact is, you are being evicted so need to move asap, I wouldn't advise moving back in with DH yet anyway, til you sort things out - take it slowly. So you either rent privately, which will be hard if you are not working, or you apply for social housing.

I do think YABU in thinking the council allocates 1 room per child though, definitely not. They "generally" class under 10's as half a person , kids under 10 of the same sex will be expected to share and a baby under 1 will not even be taken into consideration. Without knowing your childrens genders and ages I would guess you'll be entitled to a 3 bed. Getting into social housing isn't much fun. It will mean a stay in b&b, hostel, temp. accom or similar. I lived for over 2 years in a tiny grotty and awful 1 bed flat with my dd after I was made homeless and it was horrific. I think it's a minimum of a few months and they can keep you there up to 2.5 years of they deem nothing suitable has come up. Please do not think you will be able to pretend to live there whilst you live at your parents as they will check bills/b&b fire register to check you really are in need of that room.

Also, I do not think £1800 is a great wage to be living off. We are a family of 3 in SE London and that would not be enough for us to maintain a semi decent lifestyle.

OP, do what suits you. You are not actually commiting any fraud, you are trying to do what's right for your children and what's best for your unborn baby. YOu are not definitely going to be moving your DH in with you, this is just a possibility if it all works out well in the future. However, that doesn't mean you are comitting fraud. If I have understood you properly.

Awassailinglookingforanswers · 22/12/2009 23:21

obviously if the OP won't be taking a single penny (other than child maintenance - which she would inform the DWP of) in any shape or form, no top up shops, no help with the bills, nothing at all, then it's not fraud. But I do get a feeling that this isn't what the OP is intending......

Alambil · 23/12/2009 00:12

May I suggest that instead of defrauding yourself and risking prison - yes really - you go to the CAB and ask to see a money guidance counsellor and sit with them, write your budget - their blue and yellow form - and then work out your incomings, outgoings and where your debts can be helped

Don't risk jail for a house ... and it won't be a 4 bed in the SE unless you want to wait til at LEAST 2015/2016 (and frankly, that's being generous).

Alambil · 23/12/2009 00:17

but she'd only be able to get £5 a week for each DC if she told the DWP remember... any extra is not allowed...

Awassailinglookingforanswers · 23/12/2009 00:22

she's allowed to keep £20 a week isn't she?

Alambil · 23/12/2009 00:25

Maybe - last time I was told it's £5 and if you get any more, you keep it but your income benefit is deducted to balance out...