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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Potential fraud?

411 replies

DontKnowWhatToDoNext · 22/12/2009 14:30

I am prepared to be flamed so go ahead but WWYD in my situation?

In brief - DH and I split up last year. 6 months ago, I lost my job due to depression and have since started getting better, have been living on benefits since then with DH paying maintenance for our 3 DCs. I have been desperately trying to get another job but my sickness record at my last job has gone against me. Last month, I was given notice to quit my rented house because the landlord wants to sell - runs out end of Jan.

Over the last few months DH and I have been giving our relationship another go and fell into bed last month (definitely not planned) and I have just found out I'm pregnant which was not supposed to happen . We have discussed it at length and want to get back together (we split up because we have been through a lot of shit over the last few years and blamed each other and basically were hating each other all the time). Time apart has helped sort that out and he has been round almost everyday to see the kids so they have not been that badly affected.

Now I had been to the council (before I found out about the pregnancy) and told them that I am about to be made homeless and they basically said that I would have to find another private rent or they would put me in a B&B.

Now bad as this sounds, I want to try for a council house (even if it means a B&B for a few months as the rents are so high in this area (1000 for a passable 3 bed and now I will need a 4 bed which will be about 1200) so do not intend to get back with DH 'officially' until this happens. DH works but only brings in about 1800 a month and we will never be able to live on his wage in private rented especially as I won't be able to work with a baby and I can't stand the insecurity of having to move all the time (we have moved 3 times in the last 3 years). I am also bankrupt and will not be able to private rent unless I have a guarantor which I don't! Part of the reason for the problems with DH and I were financial as we lost everything (including our own home) when his business went under a few years back. He will also have to go bankrupt soon as his debts have been hanging around and with another child to pay for, he will not be able to pay them.

DH has his own flat and is not actually living with me so AIBU and a total scumbag to try and get a council house as a single parent??

OP posts:
purplepeony · 22/12/2009 19:16

Don'tknow_ can't be arsed to findmy previous post towhich yourefer but I would be surprised if I flamed you for being depressed as I do't think that is reasonable- I certainly don't think that it was your fault. Maybe you are insinuating something from what I said?

anyway- now you are back with us- tell us- are you expecting your DH to move in with you when you get this fab 4 bed council house?

what I don't get and I really don't - is why you post a topic entitled potential fraud- so you obviously think it is, yet go off on one when we all agree and say yes it is!

GypsyMoth · 22/12/2009 19:18

i have never,ever heard of a council allocatong one bedroom per child,considering most houses have double bedrooms as well as a single....so a double room for one child? really?

i think you'll find you have got that very wrong!!

i'll ask again.....ius it points system,bands or bidding??

pooexplosionsonthedustyroad · 22/12/2009 19:18

If you don't try you don't get?

Surely you mean if you don't lie you don't get?

jaquelinehyde · 22/12/2009 19:18

What a selfish, nasty piece of work you sound.

With regard to all the cohabiting shit that is being thrown around, it doesn't matter if her husband runs 20 seperate households, if he stays at her house/flat more than 4 times a week then his earnings will be taken into acount for any benefit claim.

I refuse to believe that the OP will be entitled to 4 beds, if her LHA had a policy of 1 bed per child they would be inundated, peopel from all over the country would move there for that reason and they will have the longest waiting list in the country and will very soon be bankrupt.

I hate it when someone resorts to lieing to try and win a debate or ease their own guilt.

GerbilMeasles · 22/12/2009 19:20

OP, have to say that you must be a very sensitive little flower to have thought PP's earlier post was flaming you for being depressed. She said you were irresponsible getting "accidentally" pg in view of financial and mental situation. Nobody has flamed you for being depressed. They've flamed you (quite mildly in the circs) for being a fraud.

Kaloki · 22/12/2009 19:22

"DH may well move in depending on how things are going. AND?? In the same way, I could get together with another man straight after and he could move in"

If it just happens, then fine. But if you are anticipating it happening, then not so fine. I don't expect you to answer that question on here either way.

As for another man moving in, you couldn't plan that, but you can plan for your husband. And in that way you are knowingly applying as a single parent despite knowing you wont be living as one.

That is wrong, and I think hope you know that.

purplepeony · 22/12/2009 19:22

OP- yes, I checked my post at 15.53. Yes, I said it was irresponsible of you to become pregnant when you are/were depressed and in a financial mess.

That is not to say I have no sympathy with depressives, or that I don't feel for you, but I still think it is feckless to become pregnant if you are unable to support another baby due to either health issues or financial ones.

You say accidents happen - sure- but it must have been a pretty rare accident so that you conceived after 1 bout of sex and you were using some form of contraception- which you imply you were.

easyoptionwoman · 22/12/2009 19:23

Why do you need a 4 bedroom house? Sharing a bedroom is not the end of the world. Hope things work out for you but I wouldn't do it myself as I'd be constantly crapping myself about them knocking on the door.

sb6699 · 22/12/2009 19:23

I do have some sympathy for the OP. I was given notice on my privately rented property a couple of days before Christmas 2007. There was literally nothing on the market we could afford and were about to be put into a hostel. I was almost at breaking point.

We eventually found this house a few days before eviction but it is riddled with damp, has large cracks up the walls, and even plant life growing in the kitchen!

That feeling of uncertainty has never left me and I would so love a council house but in reality I'm never going to get one.

My DH earns roughly the same as yours and we pay about the same in rent, so after leccy, oil, council tax there isnt a lot left over for luxuries.

BUT - we manage and I count myself lucky that after almost being homeless that we have a roof over our heads and can put food on the table.

There are plenty of others out there in a far worse predicament so if you can go ahead and occupy a council house which would have otherwise gone to someone in genuine need then fair enough - but I couldnt and am patiently waiting my turn.

marantha · 22/12/2009 19:24

pooexplosion the OP has satisfied the dwp that she is separated from her husband- she would not be in receipt of benefits otherwise.
Her single status is now the default position. It will only be altered if and when her husband and her live together again..

jaquelinehyde the 4 times a week thing is bullshit- an urban myth spread around to frighten those unfortunate enough to be on benefits.

If a person can prove that their partner maintains a separate household elsewhere, they are not cohabiting.

marantha · 22/12/2009 19:26

By the way, I am not OP. I am -and there but for the grace of god- more fortunate than her. Touch wood.

Kaloki · 22/12/2009 19:26

"If a person can prove that their partner maintains a separate household elsewhere, they are not cohabiting."

The problem is that she is talking about cohabiting once she has the place, after claiming that she isn't.

marantha · 22/12/2009 19:32

Kaloki then I have to admit that she would THEN be on dodgy ground. Can't deny it.
But to say that she is -as some have said here- is committing fraud when he is NOT living with her is just plain wrong and winds me up.

Kaloki · 22/12/2009 19:35

"ut to say that she is -as some have said here- is committing fraud when he is NOT living with her is just plain wrong and winds me up."

I agree with you there. Her thread title didn't help her much tbh.

GypsyMoth · 22/12/2009 19:40

and actually,your dh won't have to go bankrupt. a new baby doesn't mean more maintenence at all....you are on benefit therefore entitled to the first £20.....csa don't get involved (as you'll know)unless you request it....so no fear of him 'paying out' for another baby!! not alot anyway!!!

so,dh could secure a new rented property for you all. no need to go down socil housing route at all (which isn't as rosy as you mght think)

jaquelinehyde · 22/12/2009 19:47

Oh an urban myth is it, so when my friend was prosecuted (yes she went to court) for this exact reason, the council/benefits agency/courts musn't have realised it was an urban myth either That will make her feel much better I'm sure.

I just think it is disgusting that someone who obviously doesn't need the help, can take it away from someone who will desperately need it.

Lets face facts she knows how to work the system and she will do it, it doesn't matter who she trapples on along the way.

GerbilMeasles · 22/12/2009 19:50

If you really don't think you will be getting back together with DH, then by all means apply for the social housing - that's what it's there for. Might not be ideal, but it's a roof if DH won't/can't provide one.

But honestly, think about trying to get something privately rented with DH help - it would be grim if you ended up for months in B&B (or living with your mum - with the best will in the world, that can get stale quite quickly as well).

jaquelinehyde · 22/12/2009 19:52

Oh and OP if you do decide to chicken out of staying in the B&B and stay at your Mums as you said earlier. You will not be treated as a priority, because you obviously have somewhere you can stay, where as some people truely have nowhere to go, so they will be housed quicker/given more points than you.

GypsyMoth · 22/12/2009 19:54

advise on another thread,and i've seen it before,is to stay put and let the landlord evict you.....more points that way apparently.

also,i don't think staying with your parents does you any favours or moves you up the list any quicker.....you aren't classed as homeless

GypsyMoth · 22/12/2009 19:55

jacquelinehyde......crossed posts!!

expatinscotland · 22/12/2009 19:56

trip trap.

marantha · 22/12/2009 20:07

jacquelinehyde If your friend were taken to court, I suspect there was a lot more to it than the mere fact her boyfriend stayed with her for a few nights.
Staying with someone for a few nights doesn't mean you are financially supporting them, does it?
I don't think so, anyway.

jaquelinehyde · 22/12/2009 20:51

marantha that was exactly why she was taken to court (and found guilty).

I'm sorry but you are wrong, I can say no more on the subject, because you obviously do not want to listen.

Lets face facts here, this is not a hard up family with nowhere to go. A good wage is being earnt, plenty to survive on. Social housing is not needed, especially not a 4 bed house. The OP is being snide and trying to bag herself a nice little cheap house, and then move her h straight in. That is truely pathetic, nasty, and selfish, no matter how you look at it.

sparklefrog · 22/12/2009 21:01

Well, I, for one, am a little more grateful for what I have since reading this thread.

I have a 2 bed house, where DS 18, DD 1 and I live.

I've been told by friends that I probably wont be rehoused into a 3 bed, ever, since council have no responsibility towards DC who are 18+, and therefore they don't count.

I share my room with DD, and have no idea how long this will go on for, or how long it is advisable to share with DD for, and DS has the box room.

I am grateful though. I am one of the lucky ones.

OP will not be given a 4 bed house, in fact, I think she will struggle to get a 3 bed house in a nice decent area. She will have to get what she is given, and there's more chance of that being nasty rather than nice because it usually depends on how desperate you are, and if she portrays herself and her DC as that desperate, to secure a house asap, I don't think it will be in the nicest area.
I would rather choose where I lived, and if that meant renting privately, possibly somewhere 3 bed instead, I'd do that.

PS: OP YABU

VicarInaTinselTuTu · 22/12/2009 21:01

can i just point out that the title of this thread is

Potential Fraud?

so the OP is asking if she is unreasonable to commit fraud.

the answer in that case has to be yes. surely to god? why would you even have to ask?