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AIBU?

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Original poster

Children's parties and bridezilla like attitudes.

360 replies

MsDoctor · 19/12/2009 18:16

Before I begin my ds(aged 7) doesn't care and doesn't really know about it.....

So he's just got back from a party where only some of the boys were invited for a sleep over.

In this house we try to be fair about everything and would insist that if ds wanted to have people for a sleep over he wouldn't be able to invite more children for a ice skating/cinema/climbing party. I would just feel it was unfair to the children left out.

It's almost bridezilla like to allow your children to disregard anyone else's feelings like this. We just wouldn't do it, our dcs would have to decide whether to have a sleep over or a party with lots of children.

Am I unreasonable to think this is teaching your children to be selfish and spoilt?

disclaimer... I feel like this about adult parties too, I was invited to one the other day and only realised when I got there that only 15 out of 25 parents had been invited, leaving the others left out.

OP posts:
Fibilou · 20/12/2009 17:51

Well you are saying that, aren't you. You said they shouldn't have the sleepover if they couldn't all stay - which is undoubtably due to lack of room.

So yes, you are saying small house should mean no parties.

Fibilou · 20/12/2009 17:53

And all I can imagine is that it must be exhausting to live in a world where the etiquette and ramifications of a sleepover after a small child's birthday party is chewed over in such detail and with such apparent resentment.

Presumably when he isn't invited you'll be quite happy with that ?

ImSoNotTelling · 20/12/2009 18:02

No, as you pointed out you went to a party where only 15 out of a group of 25 had been invited, and this was no good.

So they should either invite all 25 (money/space constraints may be why they didn't invite all of them, or they may simply really dislike some of them) or not have a party at all.

Inviting 15 out of 25 is not the same as inviting everyone except one or two people.

Inviting 3 for a sleepover out of 9 is not the same as leaving one child out.

Original poster
MsDoctor · 20/12/2009 18:03

This is MN and so an OP turns into a larger affair purely because it takes up screen room.

How is saying that inviting some to a sleepover and the rest going home is saying that people in small houses shouldn't have parties? I think you'll find it's not.

Last year my ds had a bowling party and we couldn't accommodate his whole class but we certainly didn't have some for bowling and some for a sleepover. The objection comes from two tier not from having a small party, which this was anyway..with only 10 children including the birthday boy.

OP posts:
Original poster
MsDoctor · 20/12/2009 18:04

The group where 15/25 invited included the staff of the pre school and many mothers but not all....I think that's a little off, actually. These women weren't close friends it's just that some of our faces fit better than others.

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 20/12/2009 18:06

I have never considered when inviting people to do things with me that they might be so affonted by an invitation.

Fortunately I don't think any of my friends are like the OP...

In fact we are getting DD christened soon and have only invited some of our friends due to space and that we don't want a huge do. What a pair of selfish fuckers we are

Original poster
MsDoctor · 20/12/2009 18:13

Perhaps you've missed the point on purpose.

OP posts:
Fibilou · 20/12/2009 18:13

You bitch ISNT ! And I didn't invite a bunch of my relatives to my wedding either - so we can stand in the naughty corner together.

ImSoNotTelling · 20/12/2009 18:21

I have just revealed I am having a party and havent invited all of you - how rude!

You are all cordially invited to DD's christening, will confirm details later

lovechoc · 20/12/2009 18:25

Imsonottelling that's the crime of the century - how DARE you not invite every single friend to your DD's christening??!

ImSoNotTelling · 20/12/2009 18:29

Pffff.

msdoctor I haven't missed the point on purpose, I honestly cannot see anything wrong at all with what happened with the party your son went to. I really can't. You say this means I (and others who think like I do) are "selfish, inconsiderate and thoughtless".

Nice.

Oblomov · 20/12/2009 18:32

Best I not tell you all that I am in the process of trying to sort ds1's 6th birthday party today.
Told him today that he 'wouldn't be able to invite everyone'. Bet that goes against one of the rules.

ImSoNotTelling · 20/12/2009 18:34

I'm invited though, right, oblomov?

I have never met you or your son, but will be disgusted if you don't extend us this basic courtesy.

lovechoc · 20/12/2009 18:35

oblomov I think that's what the majority of parents do, they have to say to their DC 'you can choose X amount of friends for your party, can't have everyone over, we don't live in a mansion'.

I would also do the same as yourself when the time comes to school-age bday parties.

Fibilou · 20/12/2009 18:37

I have to say ISNT, if I was the mother of the birthday child and discovered that my kindness in inviting the new boy to my son's birthday party had been thrown back in my face amidst accusations of being selfish and spoiling my own child, I would be extremely upset and he certainly wouldn't be invited again.

OP, you said yourself that your son is new at the school - I suggest you consider gratitude that he has been included at all.
rather than dissatisfaction that he wasn't included in teh sleepover

ImSoNotTelling · 20/12/2009 18:40
maryz · 20/12/2009 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maryz · 20/12/2009 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImSoNotTelling · 20/12/2009 18:45

I party with the WORLD, man

Sibble · 20/12/2009 18:48

It has happened to ds quite alot and he really isn't bothered. Sometimes he's invited to the sleepover as it's a close friend and sometimes he's not but gets to go to the party. I think, as seems to be the case here, that it's the parents who get upset on the whole and not the children. IMO They understand even at that age about friends and close friends and are just happy to get an invite to the party itself.

It would be entirely different of course if 1 child had been singled out not to stay but when a number are staying and a number are not, it's really not an issue to most children IMO.

wonderingwondering · 20/12/2009 18:57

There actually comes a point when it's no-one else's business. Inviting a child to a birthday party is a nice thing to do, and I expect the gesture to be accepted as such.

If I then invite a couple of friends to stay overnight afterwards, that's my business. Nothing to do with the parents of the other children my child goes to school with: so long as we're not prancing round the house, rounding up children and shoving them out into the cold night while chattering about the 'next' party, I don't see how anyone else should have a point of view about how I celebrate my child's birthday, in my own home.

Right, I really am off now

Fibilou · 20/12/2009 19:03

And, in the manner of Jerry Springer, here is my final thought

If anyone is being a Birthdaypartyzilla it is the OP, not the Mum of the Birthday Child

lilackaty · 20/12/2009 19:29

Why didn't you answer my question OP? I thought you said that all the children were collected at the same time and then some were going back later for the sleepover. Was I wrong about that?

piscesmoon · 20/12/2009 19:40

The party person obviously planned it with sensitivity as OP starts by saying her DS doesn't know about it. She also says in the first sentence that her DS doesn't care -therefore why is there a problem?

cat64 · 20/12/2009 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn