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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

That I don't want my DH to go skiing by himself when I am 7 months pregnant?

94 replies

MumNWLondon · 17/12/2009 14:18

Am I being unreasonable?

DH says he wants to go skiing for 4 days in Feb. Its from a sat night to wed night. I work so I'd have to get both DC up and to school for 8.30am by myself, and put them to bed by myself. Also would have to manage a sunday by myself.

DH who is usually quite helpful says he could do with a break before the baby comes and that he is stressed by work.

OP posts:

bibbitybobbitysantahat · 17/12/2009 14:19

I don't think he's being unreasonable.

Can you have a similar break yourself before the baby is born?

JjandtheBean · 17/12/2009 14:22

YABU i think you know that!

doing the school run by yourself is hardly the most difficult thing in the world is it now?

let him go, unless its causing a financial problem.
Also tell him you will be taking a little break before the baby arrives and hes paying [sgrin]

FolornHope · 17/12/2009 14:22

omg TWO CHILDREN?
you are bing silly

NancyDrewRocks · 17/12/2009 14:22

YANBU to not want him to go, but neither is he U to want to go therefore you are only BU if you try to stop him.

But then I was happy for DH to arrange to go away for 5 days the week I was due.

Ladyanonymous · 17/12/2009 14:22

What is the issue in doing it "by yourself?!" I think you AB a teeny bit U.

dexter73 · 17/12/2009 14:24

I think it is a reasonable thing for him to do. Just think how many brownie points you will get if he goes!

Original poster

MumNWLondon · 17/12/2009 14:32

Clearly I don't really want him to go... so I guess the question is would it be unreasonable to try and stop him from going.

Money isn't a problem, but he has hardly any days off work, so sort of resent 3 days of annual leave not to be spent with me / kids / when baby comes.

Issue with doing it myself is that 3 year old DS is very stubborn and its hard work getting him out to school. 6 YO DD is very cooperative, if it was just her would send him away on holiday for as long as he wants.

Also at 7 months pregnant, its quite tiring working full time.

OP posts:

nannynobnobs · 17/12/2009 14:34

If he's normally helpful, let him go but make sure you get a treat in return. You are minding 3 children!

June2009 · 17/12/2009 14:36

yanbu,

The going on his own depends on what kind of relationship you have tbh.

but maybe some women do not know or do not remember how tiring it can be to be 7 months pg.

FolornHope · 17/12/2009 14:37

you are being a wuss
sort the kid out now anyway the arsey one and stop work

TootaLaFruit · 17/12/2009 14:41

I think people are being a little harsh on MumNW - she is 7 months pregnant with two kids already, and just because women have been doing this since the beginning of time doesn't mean it's easy.

I think the issue here is that women tend to get the raw deal when it comes to hols/parties-during-pregnancy, because the men are physically the same (ie. not lugging around a growing baby) so they can carry on as normal and it just doesn't seem fair. I know, I know - LIFE isn't fair, but I imagine MumNW is thinking that she too would quite like a holiday but it isn't likely to happen, is it? And before you say she can, a holiday whilst pregnant is NOT a real holiday (no drinking, discomfort, out of breath... god the list is endless.)

MumNW - I think YANBU but it'll be hard to stop him from going. Maybe pointing out that taking annual leave means he'll have less time with the baby once it's here will help.....

I'm in a similar boat, don't want to go out NY eve as will be heavily pregnant, but don't feel I can stop dh. It would be mean to anyway and I want him to have fun, but.... I sometimes want to point out that there are two of us having this baby, even if I'm the only one stuck with the pregnant belly

izzybiz · 17/12/2009 14:42

YABU, let him go, wave him off happily, then before babe is due, book yourself and friend in to a spa for a few days and relax.

fluffy123 · 17/12/2009 15:02

I don,t think you are unreasonable but i don't think you should try and stop him either. I would do a deal and ask for a really big present or plan a really good family holiday as 'compensation'. I find nagging/ moaning etc rarely gets you what you what you want

fluffy123 · 17/12/2009 15:07

too many you want you wants!!!!!!

mistletoekisses · 17/12/2009 15:08

YABU - I think you should be happy for your DH to go. 4 days is nothing.

Is there family you can visit/ can come and stay and help you?

Morloth · 17/12/2009 15:12

I wouldn't have a problem with that, but then I would also be wanting a week off before baby comes. Perhaps a nice spa that has treatments for pregnant ladies?

Give him a kiss, wave him off and let him know the dates that you will be away.

VinegarTinselTits · 17/12/2009 15:13

No YANBU, i think people are being a bit harsh here and i think he is being rather selfish

when will you get a break? looking after 2 little ones and a baby will be tough, and i say that at a lone parent who never gets a break

Fibilou · 17/12/2009 15:19

My DH went to Romania for 10 days a couple of weeks ago when I was 33 weeks which I though was fine - however I don't have 2 other children to manage.

I thihk YANBU because when you have 2 children and a heavily pregnant wife that works, surely you accept that you can't be gadding about ?

Fibilou · 17/12/2009 15:25

And I really can't understand why so many women on here seem to think that the OP is being selfish. I think it's extraordinary that you think she is unreasonable for expecting him to help look after a family that he has created.

Is this what feminism has achieved ? A generation of women who don't feel they can expect to rely on their husbands to pull their weight in case they get accused of being clingy and wussy. That you are somehow "uncool" if you expect your DH to take a hand in the family and home he has created with you ? Especially when you have to work.

The OP can't act like she is 20 any more and her DH should not expect to be able to either.

Fibilou · 17/12/2009 15:26

And forlornhope, does it occur to you that maybe she cannot afford to give up work ?

MrsJohnDeere · 17/12/2009 15:27

Let him go and have 4 child-free days off yourself (go away, or ask him to take the dcs away) yourself.

Mistletoesnowman · 17/12/2009 15:28

I think YANBU. Working full-time when heavily pregnant is hard enough without having to manage the additional DCs by yourself. I don't think you can stop him going though.

traceybath · 17/12/2009 15:35

YABU.

But I understand why - being heavily pregnant with two dc's isn't much fun.

But let him go and don't moan about it - your turn will come.

Well thats what I keep telling myself - once dc3 stops bf I will be so having a girls weekend away.

VinegarTinselTits · 17/12/2009 15:42

why does he need a break before the baby is born anyway? is he going to be doing all the hard work? labour pains? estabishing BF, feeding on demand, night feeds, changes?

I mean wtf does he need a break?

Fibilou · 17/12/2009 15:47

VTT, I wonder if her DH thinks she might like a break before she has 3 children to cope with.... Or if it's just him that so tired

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