That I don't want my DH to go skiing by himself when I am 7 months pregnant?

[MumNWLondon]

Am I being unreasonable?

DH says he wants to go skiing for 4 days in Feb. Its from a sat night to wed night. I work so I'd have to get both DC up and to school for 8.30am by myself, and put them to bed by myself. Also would have to manage a sunday by myself.

DH who is usually quite helpful says he could do with a break before the baby comes and that he is stressed by work.

[upahill]

MumNW You could always toss a coin!!
Hope your pregnancy goes Ok.

[loopylou6]

I wouldnt say you ABU

[KTNoo]

MumNW's DH - have fun skiing!

[MumNWLondon]

Upahill - all true - and have been surprised but the differences in opinion. DH has read the thread and he is amused too .

He will not go if I really don't want him to, on the other hand if he does really want to go I won't try and stop him.... so its just whether he wants to go more than I don't!

[upahill]

MumNW.... i don't think times have changed tbh. I said in my earlier post about my mum and dad going away with mates and my dad is 64 now and my mum is 69. Also PIL having time apart and MIL would have been 90 now and FIL 97. Both sets of fathers changed nappies, did feeds, got up in the night to let mum rest, take kids out on Saturday afternoons (although my mum now says she regrets spending the day cleaning when she should have been out with us!)

You come to your own conclussion MumNW. Do what you want whether you moan or be gracious it's your call. There are too many polarisaing opinions and you have to do what is comfortable for you without taking into account peoples advice who you have never met before, whose lifestyle and relationships are unique to them.

[HappyMummyOfOne]

The doormat comment is OOT - allowing a spouse to go away does not make anybody a doormat. Forbidding them to go is far worse.

Doing the school run and putting children to bed is hardly hard work.

As long as both of you get your own time away or time to do activities then I see nothing wrong with a short break.

[lindy100]

YANBU - for all the reasons that other people have put.

Trouble is, you might WANT your DH to want to stay home, but you can't MAKE him want to. And that sucks

[KTNoo]

It's FOUR DAYS.

What's the big deal?

He will come back in a happier mood which will be better for the whole family.

Some people really need to get away. My DH does this about once a year for a week or so. He would get so frustrated otherwise. He went to Antarctica for 2 weeks a month before our dc3 was born. I'm not so bothered about getting away so haven't done it yet, however I am going away alone for a week next Summer to visit friends.

Relationships work in different ways, it doesn't have to always seem equal to other people.

[NancyDrewRocks]

kinnies I said that my DH planned to be away the week that I was due.

It was not meant to be unkind I was simply putting in context my feelings that the OP is BU: given the fact that I was happy (yes really Fibbilou) for my DH to do that leaving me with 2 DC's means that I am hardly likely to agree with the OP - I thought it was fair to point that out.

I don't think feeling like this is strange and I certainly don't feel dumped on by my DH - if I hadn't wanted him to go he wouldn't have. Equally I have had weekends away where he has had the DC all to himself. It is certainly not one sided

[tispity]

my dh did exactly the same thing (skiing, 4 days) - cost him a fortune in calling home though - probably more than the trip itself ! you should see it as a challenge and tell yourself 'I can do it' and enjoy proving that to yourself- just don't tell him that and do let him feel a bit guilty about it and overcompensate when he gets back

[MumNWLondon]

Its interesting how times have changed - I mean neither my Dad nor my FIL would have ever gone on holiday by themselves, pregnant wife or not, yet neither of them ever changed a nappy or had sole charge of a baby for any length of time ...

[fernie3]

YANBU I would not like my husband going either. I have three and remember whats its like being pregnant with two toddlers!. My husband used to be out everyday from before the got up until after they were in bed so I was used to that BUT I just dont like the thought of him being far away (I have complicated pregnancies!) and also if I am honest I would feel a little bit of resentment that he was off on holiday and I was alone and pregnant.

I dont think you can really stop him going but it is reasonable to ask him and be honest about the reasons why.

[eastendmummy]

I think you are being a tiny BU but then I'm suppose I'm trying to convince myself that it's OK for DH to go snowboarding for a week in Jan when I'll be 7 months pregnant and have ds who will be 2 so I'm in the same boat as you. It's going to be difficult for you to manage for a few days but he'll get it out of his system and you'll be able to have some time to yourself at a later date - just put something in the diary now and make sure he knows that you need the time out just as much as him.

I hope you manage to work it out.

[kinnies]

I'm sitting here PMSL at all the competative 'I'm fine with being on my own pregnant, 8 kids to look after and a 20mile hike school run!'
Whatever. My Dh would not want to go away when I'm pregnant and def not if it made me sad.
I wonder if all the posters that say they dont mind, really dont mind?

And also it's just unkind to say "my Dh went away a week before baby was due, and I was happy about it. so there!"
Sounds like you want to make the op feel usless. Pathetic.

[pyjamababe]

Hmmm MummyDragon, I see your point...again, naive newleywed is my only defense. God this is depressing, squabbling over holiday entitlement and trying to weedle out of sex, what is there to look forward to???

[piscesmoon]

YABU. My DH had a week off and stayed at home with 2 toddlers when I went skiing-have your turn next year.

[MummyDragon]

Sorry but ROFL at pyjamababe (not meaning to offend, honestly) - anyone who can manage a weekend of passion with their DH whilst 7 months pregnant with their 3rd child must surely be Superwoman!! I'm not even pregnant but if I got the chance of a child-free weekend away with DH, the sex would last half an hour and I'd spend the remaining 23.5 hours of each day catching up on reading and sleeping!

[midori1999]

I suppose as it's relavant to the thread...

My DH wants to go skiing in March, when I will be 5 months pregnant. It is kind of a work thing (army) but he does have the choice to not go. The difference I suppose is that he asked me if I minded him going (before we knew I was pregnant) and I know that had I not been OK with it, he wouldn't have gone. Also, if it wasn't organised by work, he would never in a million years decide to go off on holiday without me. To me, a holiday is something you spend with your huband/wife/partner.

I just think wanting to go when your wife isn't happy with it (which by the OP, she clearly wasn't) and then being pathetic and puttin a guilt trip on by saying he'll need a break, is out of order.

[Fibilou]

I just asked my DH what he thought - he thinks it's unreasonable timing. And his first reaction was "he's over the side"

[pyjamababe]

Fair enough NW, just an idea. I'm sure I only offered for my DH to go because it's our first baby. I'd like to think I'd be happy for him to go after the baby but I expect that it's just because I'm in denial that our days of freedom are numbered.

I suppose the only way to get a few days completly away might be to do it in shifts like this, and I think anything up to 3/4 nights is ok, provided you have support from extended family and aren't being left to cope alone.

If you had relatives that would take the children for a couple of nights you could have a romantic weekend together when he gets back? You're already pregnant so you don't have to worry about mishaps

[MumNWLondon]

My DH and I also have never had a holiday apart - we have been married for 12 years(other than a couple of stag weekends), and yet the first time he has ever said he wanted one is when I will be 7 months pregnant!

He went to NY for a week with work last year which was fine and away for a couple of stag weekends, one when I was 7 months pregnant with DD which was fine I was really happy for him to go as she is my oldest.

I have said I am not very keen but we haven't discussed it again.

re: spa day frankly don't see point, have membership at a gym, I go on days I don't work and at weekend, can't use jacuzzi/sauna/steam room while pregnant.

[Fibilou]

But surely you would pick a suitable time to do it - not go at a time when you knew your DH was likely to need you most ?

[upahill]

Sorry Fibilou X post!!

[upahill]

I don't think people are thinking it's a break from the family and I agree once you are married quite clearly you can't act single. However just because you are married it doesn't follow that your partner will acquire the same intersts as you or you have to ditch the things that make your life buzz.

There is no way DH would go caving, mountain biking or go wild camping in January or December. Am I supposd to spend the rest of my life NOT doing these things that give me pleasure. Is DH supposed to not go to Belgum and other places for the Formula1 because he is married and I am not the slightest bit interested.?
Bloody Hell it's not worth thinking about!!