AIBU to wonder why anyone would want to live like this?

[LetThereBeRock]

I know this could be a controversial topic, most likely will be,and each to their own, none of my business etc but I really can't understand it.

A friend is getting married soon.She's a real bibliophile,as is her soon to be dh, and has asked for several books on her wedding list.

However some of the books she has asked for are rather odd,The Surrendered Wife for example, The Politically Incorrect Wife,Liberated Through Submission and similarly titled books.

I've Googled them and the lifestyle they advocate certainly isn't one that I agree with or would care for.

An example from The Surrendered Wife ' surrendered wife always says yes and is always available for sex."'

I thought at first that the wedding list was a bit of a joke, but I've spoken to her since,albeit briefly, and apparently it's not.

So AIBU to wonder why anyone would want to live a submissive life, and AIBU to think that's it rather odd to request such things on one's wedding list?

I

(I don't think there is a friend or a wedding list, but hey, it's still a good thread)

Duchesse, while I am very pro the ideas in TSW and try and practice it's "respect each other" message, I totally agree that it should not be forced onto someone. You have to want to do it yourself - and as ILAS says, it's written to help people with control problems, not a "how to achieve the perfect marriage" book.

Has anyone mention BEAUTIFUL's lenghty thread on relationships - re surrendered wife. It was so entertaining.

I still don't get it: if it's written to help people with control problems, why does it only mention one sex in the title?

iloveasylumseekers I'm real alright. Just very different to the vast majority of women that are out there.

This doors business always confuses me.

If someone is coming through a door after you the polite thing to do is hold the door for them rather than let it drop on them, regardles of gender, surely.

(elefun cancelled due to snow)

yes I remember beautiful's thread. Was a classic.

"fibilou how do you know that change wouldn't have come about without the feminists?"

Because women hadn't been given the right to vote when suffrage was extended to working men in the Representation of the People Act in 1867 ? They had ample opportunity to extend suffrage to women then but they didn't. The Chartists had to fight like tigers for that - the ordinary man had been fighting for fairer parliamentary rights for decades. Protests were heavily crushed - just look at the Peterloo Massacre.

And if you've ever studied suffrage you will know that there was huge opposition to womens' suffrage. Just look at the "Cat and Mouse Act" to see how the establishment treated suffragette prisoners. The ROTPA in 1918 extended votes to women - but not on the same platform as men. In 1918 men of 21 with no homes could vote, yet it was only women over 30 that were property owners could vote. It took another 10 years of campaigning for women to be given equal voting rights to men.

So to answer your question, no, I do not think these things would have come without the campaigning of high profile women such as Lady Astor, Caroline Norton and the Pankhursts

Dunno why she would put it on her wedding list but those books are meant to be quite good. As women seem to be going the opposite way to submission I think these books are meant to promote a healthy balance.

I also looked up the submissive wife a while ago and I thought 'erm, i might buy this' I haven't as yet but may in the future.

The always available for sex thing - this is something that annoys me. When a women wants sex she nearly always gets it (generalisation) so why should a man be any different? I like to keep my man satisfied and expect him to do the same for me. If he wants it he gets it unless there is an actual reason for me not wanting to (e.g too late and utterly exhausted that i couldn't enjoy it, or ill) and vise versa.

I really don't think these books are saying 'wives you need to be trampelled all over' are they?

Anyway, strange marriage present to request, if for no other reason than you cant share these things. It is soley for her.

Cory, it's to court maximum publicity of course !

Do you really think a book entitled "Have you got a control problem destroying your marriage - here's how to solve it" would get as much attention ?

Fair enough, but I disagree .

Got to go, DS has woken from his nap and I don't think he or DH would be too happy if I spent all day on MN .

MrsRigby - may I ask you something? Do you really think feminists hate men? I'm a feminist, yet I adore my husband, respect and love my father, and have two darling boys who are just the best thing in the world. I'm really puzzled because you are clearly not stupid, yet what you say doesn't make sense to me.

cory - it's not aimed at people with control problems, it's aimed at women with control problems. Like snorbs says, it's based on changing parent-child transactions to adult-adult transactions. You can't change someone else just by force of will, but you can change how you deal with a person, and as a result people often change for the better when they're being treated with more respect. If a man feels that his wife thinks he's great, he tends to respond in kind.

I agree. Why is it being "surrendered" to give physical love to your husband? I think "surrendered" is a rather beautiful concept in that one is surrendering one's heart and being and expressing it bodily when they need to feel it.

Well, if it's really all that neutral- why not a book called the Submissive Husband?

Oh cory, you are a one. Who'd want one of those???

Mine is lovely

BTW I am on MrsR's and Hully's side on this one. Although I do not 'hate' feminists - very harsh - and I am VERY thankful for the feminists before us that got us to the place we are, but d sometimes wonder when women will be satisfied.

"Well, if it's really all that neutral- why not a book called the Submissive Husband?"

Because men tend not to get so worked up about these things

Hully > I really like that!

Cory - because it is women that are trying to be controlling in relationships these days, not men. [hsmile] (half - joke)

Of course that was meant to be

Yes! That's it! I actually feel sorry for men these days - they don't know what they are supposed to do - earn the money then don a pinny when they come home then get all hairy chested and thrusting in the boudoir!! We can't have everything.

Hmmm

So what do ardent anti-feminists make of people who live in relationships where the roles are non traditional?

As a person who believes in feminism, I really don't care how others want to organise their roles within their relationships, as long as all parties in the relationship are happy with it. If a woman wants to greet her man with pipe and slippers and always defer to his opinion, and she is happy with that, well that's fine by me.

However a lot of people get their knickers in a twist when confronted with relationships where "traditional" roles are reversed. Why is that?

I don't care about others as such. Your life isn't my business, it is when I get questioned for my views on how I think my relationship should be that annoys me, or when I get the 'oh she must be weak and a pushover, and basically just thick' that I get angry.

I am very strong headed, stubborn and smart.

This thread was not targetted at feminists but at 'traditional' wives, as they always are.

It isn't the relationship that bothers me but the snooty women that think they know everything.

Hully is joking.

MrsR is not.

Do i get a ?

Hully is joking? I really agreed with what she was saying aswell

No for me....