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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge for Christmas lunch?

313 replies

katie3677 · 14/12/2009 12:36

My parents are away this Christmas and as we are housesitting for them we will for once have space to have all of DH's family over for Christmas lunch (10 adults, 7 kids), so have all been invited. Last year DSIL did Christmas lunch at her house and I helped. We were all tasked with bringing something, and whilst she did the main course, I did starter and Christmas pudding and brought champagne (well, prosecco actually) for Champagne cocktails. DBIL's girlfriend was tasked with bringing wine, but rang me at midday on Christmas day to say could I bring wine as she had drunk it all the night before. She promised to pay me for it but never did.
As a result, I have decided this year that instead of divvying up jobs etc, (which didn't work out fairly at all last year) that I will charge each adult £25 towards the cost, no charge for the kids, and I will do all the shopping, cooking and preparing, so all they have to do on the day is turn up, eat and drink. I thought this was quite a kindness, but DBIL's girlfriend has taken issue with this and I am struggling to get themoney off most of them up front.
We are by no means rich and it would cost me a fortune to do Christmas lunch for this amount of people, so I thought this was the fairest way. AIBU to think that this is fair?

OP posts:
Mishy1234 · 14/12/2009 18:47

I must admit, I'm surprised that more people aren't supporting the OP in this.

Families are meant to stick together, to provide support in order for everyone to mutually benefit. For me, this includes chipping in to fund what can actually work out to be a very expensive day. I certainly wouldn't have a problem with it, but then I wouldn't expect someone to fund the entire thing themselves, invited or not. This isn't a dinner party invite, it's a family Christmas celebration.

However, I do think the thread title is slightly misleading and that the word 'charge' has lead to some misunderstandings and negative responses.

tanmu82 · 14/12/2009 18:47

*girlafraid8 are you saying OP is lying? Maybe the SIL just didn't buy it and wanted an excuse.
And why does asking for help equate to not being fun?
I'm so glad my family aren't like you mean-spirited lot

jasper · 14/12/2009 18:48

I still think asking upfront is in very poor taste.

And the OP must have wondered too or we would not be having this discussion

WillowFae · 14/12/2009 18:53

I'm wondering now if we are the only people who don't have a starter for Christmas dinner. We just have turkey and trimmings and then christmas pudding

DoingTheBestChristmasICan · 14/12/2009 18:56

I dont see a problem with the wording of your invite,£25 per head & you dont need to do any food shopping or worrying about cooking.

Its not like you will be standing at the door taking their money & then showing them to their seats.

They are being arsey for originally agreeing & then changing their minds.

Can we come instead?

Mishy1234 · 14/12/2009 18:56

FourArms- your DH's 30th sounds brilliant! I've always wanted to do something similar, but end up trying to book far too late. £40 per couple is very reasonable too.

Veggiemummy · 14/12/2009 18:57

Wow this has gotten a bit fiery. Where I'm from it is quite normal to ask people to chip in. I'm not from a rich family and not all our friends and relatives had big houses so to save the same people paying and organising we all chipped in. I have to say with alcohol and bits £250 for 17 people is pretty good. For goodness sake people we live in a capitalist society Christmas day has become a huge commercial institution now anyway why the big deal about asking family members to help out. Not everyone has a spare £250 to fork out.

I think it's clear Katie that your inlaws are freeloaders and that's why they don't want to pay not because it's wrong.

ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 14/12/2009 18:58

four arms i think its a bit different in your case. I don't think the OP is being UR really, but i just couldnt bring myself to charge people for xmas dinner at my place. As i said, i would expect them to bring booze if there are lots who will be drinking. I just think that £25 per person is excessive, its surely isnt going to cost £250 to cater?? surely not?? Ok, £25 a couple, but £25 a head, is that per child too?

Tis not on i tell ya! isnt the whole thing about xmas chipping in together, not trying to be the hostess with the mostess? Sounds like the OP is charging for her time too. I guess if you are going to have an iceland prepared food xmas it would be expensive, but to cook from scratch? £50 for a turkey maybe, I've just bought a whole salmon from Tesco for £11 (it would feed ALL of those) So, thats £61 =- veggies? another £20 - Nibbles £30. I would insist people bring puddings - xmas or otherwise. Else its bannoffee pie alround (chavtastic!)

So yes, £110 without alcohol, but how much would you spend on a normal xmas meal for yourselves £30 for a turkey? Salmon, another tenner - nibbles, £20, another £10 for veggies?? so it would only cost another £50-£60 to cater for more people??

£70 for a turkey? Are you INSANE?? I hope it is free range, hand reared, lived in a house - and killed humanely

bobdog · 14/12/2009 19:04

Dear Katie,

Wish you were my Sil, I'd be pleased for someone to organise & shop for a lovely Christmas meal, clean, tidy & decorate the house and then clean & tidy afterwards whilst juggling her job & family. I'd be very happy to have such a straight forward invite and would happily contribute and probably add a bit extra for kids and I'm sure would also bring a couple of extra bottles and a nice gift for you.

YANBU and in the light of last year just pragmatic.

Febesisachristmascracker · 14/12/2009 19:04

My family are from NZ and DHs are from SA. We have been living in the uk for 8.5 years. We always get together with close friends other kiwis and south africans usually plus a few brits and we always pay the hosts this year it will be about £30 including alcohol. We are going to my best friend and her DP in Derby. We hosted 3 years ago. Great idea!!

Veggiemummy · 14/12/2009 19:08

Ijust she did say the kids were free so thats £50 per family really and she also said they had tried the bring booze thing and it hadn't worked. In total 17 people inc 10 boozy adults I still think that is ok, it's christmas so there are all the extras, table clothes, crackers, bits & pieces that makes it all christmasy. We have BBQs for 10 adults sometines and that costs £150 for alcohol.

Swedington · 14/12/2009 19:12

Cancel the ham.
Buy really really cheap crackers - even the expensive ones contain rubbish that you really don't need.
Make your own bread sauce and stuffings.
Make a big fruit trifle and a big chocolate trifle (which will go down well with the children) for pudding and serve a christmas pudding alongside so everyone can have just a bit. Christmas puddings are over-priced.
Buy a case of Cava for about £48.
Smile

I am feeding 18. I am buying extra large chickens x3 as they are cheaper than one turkey and have appointed three carvers at the middle and ends of our long table. So it looks strategic rather than tight.

Really nice napkins and lovely stuffings make it seem much posher than it is.

It's just a roast with bacon wrapped round some chippolatas and a few sprouts with sauteed chestnuts and pancetta.

I'm looking forward to it.

piscesmoon · 14/12/2009 19:20

'I'm wondering now if we are the only people who don't have a starter for Christmas dinner. We just have turkey and trimmings and then christmas pudding'

We don't either.
If you are going to charge then I think you need to get together beforehand and work out what you are having and the costs-they might like the chance to make it much cheaper. I think that asking them to bring things is much better.

Heqet · 14/12/2009 19:22

Do you think that in some way this is also about you making a point about last year?

I don't think you can impose charges but I don't think it's unreasonable to want everyone to pitch in.

I think a good chat with them is in order. Come up with a solution you all agree on.

Thingiebob · 14/12/2009 19:24

Hear, hear Bobdog.

Romanarama · 14/12/2009 19:32

I don't think yabu at all, either asking for contributions, or with the price you're charging, but as they do, you'll have to change tack. Say you'll do all the food, and they have to do all the drinks. Write a list and divvy it up and make sure all the husbands and wives have seen it and know who's supposed to be doing what.

Romanarama · 14/12/2009 19:33

ie bobdog is right

daisydora · 14/12/2009 19:43

oohh Katie, you certainly know how to get a thread going!

IMO you made it clear from the outset what you were proposing, completely honest therefore YANBU. Last year at your SIL's showed that people cannot be trusted to bring their 'fair share'. Imagine relying on DBIL gf for pudding and her forgetting? It would seriously pee me off.

And I do not think £25 per head for 3 courses, booze and sundries is expensive. I have paid more in 'quality' restaurants for crap at this time of year.

SummerLightning · 14/12/2009 19:51

Katie, I'll come if your misog relatives won't.
I think 25 quid's a bargain.

While I take people's points that it's odd to charge for Xmas dinner, there's somehow something different about it if you're in someone elses house as well....it's more, "why don't you all come round here, we've got room for a change, I don't mind cooking, lets split the cost...", seems a bit different from inviting people round to yours and then charging them.

Oh and there seems to be a theme on here in general of people saying re food about how cheap they can do stuff, it's Christmas dinner who wants to skimp unless you actually have to (I know you are saying don't host if you can't afford, but I think the OP thought people would be happy with her solution)? A large turkey from our butcher would easily be 50 quid, very nice, but not cheap. It adds up so easily and with nice wine and some bubbly 250 quid is quite easily achievable!

What exactly is your SIL's problem? Has she actually said she's got an issue with paying, or is she just trying to dodge out of it?

carciofi · 14/12/2009 19:51

Don't think you are unreasonable at all, Katie, given that you can't rely on your in-laws to bring along food or drink. I agree that £25 per head is a good deal, particularly for a cordon bleu standard meal!

RainRainGoAway · 14/12/2009 19:51

Are you Katie from 'I can cook'?

Why don't you just rustle up some of those grape topped pizzas.

I think you will find you will need very few of them. It will keep costs down.

whomovedmychocolate · 14/12/2009 19:59

Actually I think the OPs guests are astonishingly rude to even consider pitching up empty handed and they wouldn't get a return visit. However, I have a cunning plan. Right, those people who won't pay up. That's their gift. You are giving the gift of sprouts. Pop a festive bow on their plate.

Tada! Merry Christmas, I bought you an hour in my company and a delicious meal. You ungrateful bastards, now eat it!

SeaGreen · 14/12/2009 20:00

Last poster- that's quite mean!
unless I have missed the joke entirely, which is quite possible.

Original poster
katie3677 · 14/12/2009 20:01

LOL Rain, I wish!
You are all very welcome to come for Christmas, well, those of you willing to pay £25 anyway!
One final point is that I did do the Christmas meal 3 years ago and there are two couples who have never hosted as they don't really have the space, I only offered this year as we are going to have the space to fit everyone in, so it is not my 'turn' as such, but am more than willing to do it.

OP posts:
SeaGreen · 14/12/2009 20:01

yikes, re my above post- i meant RainRainGoAway not whomovedmychoclate! Crossed wires!