To charge for Christmas lunch?

[katie3677]

My parents are away this Christmas and as we are housesitting for them we will for once have space to have all of DH's family over for Christmas lunch (10 adults, 7 kids), so have all been invited. Last year DSIL did Christmas lunch at her house and I helped. We were all tasked with bringing something, and whilst she did the main course, I did starter and Christmas pudding and brought champagne (well, prosecco actually) for Champagne cocktails. DBIL's girlfriend was tasked with bringing wine, but rang me at midday on Christmas day to say could I bring wine as she had drunk it all the night before. She promised to pay me for it but never did.
As a result, I have decided this year that instead of divvying up jobs etc, (which didn't work out fairly at all last year) that I will charge each adult £25 towards the cost, no charge for the kids, and I will do all the shopping, cooking and preparing, so all they have to do on the day is turn up, eat and drink. I thought this was quite a kindness, but DBIL's girlfriend has taken issue with this and I am struggling to get themoney off most of them up front.
We are by no means rich and it would cost me a fortune to do Christmas lunch for this amount of people, so I thought this was the fairest way. AIBU to think that this is fair?

Just read your comment on agreeing not to buy presents this year, yet you have still gone ahead and bought the children gifts

Why? If you cannot afford it then you shouldn't of done it and imo, it will seem like you are point scoring.

I think your title has misrepresented the situation. You're not charging for Christmas lunch, you're splitting the costs, and that's fine. You've effectively said "I'll cook but I can't afford to pay for everything, so can you all chip in?" and they've agreed and are now trying to wiggle out of it- poor form by them.

I don't understand thsoe who've said that you should never invite people round unless you can cover all the costs. I imagine there are many families in which noone could afford to host lunch for everyone. Should they never get together?

I think £25 sounds perfectly reasonable for food and drink for a whole day, especially if they are likely to want to drink a fair bit.

poor you.

It is tough.Everyone always comes to us.We provide everything but it does cost alot.I always feel guilty because they all buy gifts for the 6 of us and as they don't have any children I always feel that I should spend more on them.However I will now remember that we are feeding them all day

I think it is best to discuss things like this well in advance and all agree on a plan.

I always ask everyone to help clear up as that is a painful job on Xmas night.Good luck.

My family wouldn't fream of coming without chipping in, whenever we've had Christmas at ours (in-laws one year, my parents another), they've sent us money (£50) beforehand and, in the case of my parents, brought stuff on the day as well. They surely can't expect to have Christmas dinner at yours without chipping in.

But but BUT littlebrownmouse - they didn't expect to have Christmas dinner at hers, they were invited to dinner. Would you expect to be asked for a contribution to the costs if a friend invited you round to her house for dinner?

Katie - I have just received an email from a friend who has invited us and another two families to her house for New Years Eve. She has basically said "Ok, so my house is the venue, and I will cook this, but what do you all think about start time and finish time, what would you like to provide food-wise?, lets get a rough plan together and chip in ideas".

A much nicer way of inviting everyone and sharing out the work and costs. And being sensible adults we will get something lovely together and have a great time.

Your plan, whether you are right or wrong in the way you have gone about it, is causing ill feeling in the family. I suspect it is because everything to do with this event is on your terms, right down to the idea of holding it in the first place. It sounds like less of an invitation and more like a summons tbvh.

Haven't read whole thread so apologies if someone has already made this point, but why don't you go out for lunch - then everyone will have to pay anyway?

It isn't that unreasonable. All the people horrified about asking for money (gasp! what a dirty word!) - do your local shops politely give you free food and booze, or do they do that nasty grubby thing of asking for money?

I agree that this one is arse-backwards, ie OP should have sorted it out first and not issued invites then asked for money, but in principle there is nothing wrong with asking for a contribution.

If they bring food or booze themselves then that costs money too - why the huge difference between providing edibles, and providing the means with which to buy edibles?

I agree though that £25 does sound roughly twice as much as anybody short of Jamie Oliver could realistically charge. I'd be worried they'd send it back to the kitchen at that price.

Why should one person have to bear the cost of a family get together because it's christmas?

Actually I have this argument with my mum every year and she won't even let me bring a packet of crackers, despite me being 38 and well able to contribute!

I like Clairedelune's suggestion; if the BIL and his girlfriend haven't paid up by Christmas, just announce at the end of the meal that since they were the only ones who didn't pay, they have effectively volunteered themselves as clear-up and wash-up skivvies, then stand up and give them a cheer.

YAN really BU however it could have been approached better.

When I used to live in france we'd take the hosting in turns, the cost of the main things to buy was divided, various people would have tasks of getting different things, including someone who would get the wine and the price would also be divided. The matter of cost and paying was all very discreet as everybody knows who gets what and gets in touch to know the cost etc.

I think the important thing and why no one gets offended is that this is how it's always been so it's not a surprise and the family is BIG and no one would dream of asking someone else to host/cook and pay for everything.

Trust me I know where you are coming from with irresponsible ils (mine are absolutely useless when it comes to that type of thing, they turn up unexpected for dinner several times a week, do not bring anything or offer to help or contribute AND will complain about dinner as well) anyway I digress...

It should have been clear from the beginning, or you should just have asked them to bring stuff over and if they don't then everybody goes without.

If the only weak link was bil's gf then YABU to change the way it's usually done. Youve admitted youre a bit of a control freak and I think you're hiding behind that mistake she made of drinking the wine to get your way.

She is als BU to be offended since she's the one who forgot last year, however she probably thinks YABVU pretending that all these changes have to be made because "people" cannot be relied on when really you mean she is the one who could not be relied on that time.

and now for the analysis: Maybe you do not like her and you are trying to punish her by letting it be known in the family that it is her fault that they have to fork out this year hence making them dislike her as well

what was the outcome then?

i know this is an old thread but interested to know the outcome as reading a similar one from this year!!